Finally could sleep...now some thoughts & questions
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 7
Finally could sleep...now some thoughts & questions
I'm new and after reading through many posts on here this seems to be an amazing group of people and resource!
I'm male, mid 40s, been drinking beer for most of my adult life starting in college. My consumption increased gradually from 3-4 beers (Bud Light usually) to at least a 12 pack over the years. That grew to an 18 pack this past year after losing my mom to cancer. Yes I know that's an excuse as well as my favorite excuse used to my wife and friends "well it's not that bad because I drink those beers slow over 5-6 hours instead of pounding them". Stupid.
After throwing up almost daily, shaking, sweating, missing work, pissing away who knows how much money and brain cells I decided that was enough 5 days ago. The sweats are lessening, I'm making it thru shifts at work, and last night I actually slept most of the night. Oh, and my appetite is coming back.
Ok, thoughts and questions:
1. How do you not equate having fun and being happy to drinking? I get home after work, get cleaned up, do chores etc, then sit and think "now what? I usually am drinking by now".
2. How much longer to stop sweating in the face/forehead? While it has lessened it's annoying and embarrassing.
3. I think I know the answer to this...but will I ever be able to drink 2 beers at a family BBQ or tailgate or heck no?
4. For you recovering beer drinkers like me, how do you feel about O'douls or other non-alcoholic beers for previous question?
5. The amount of money in my wallet is already starting to show by not buying an 18-pack or even worse drinks at a restaurant or bar. Do you guys ever save what you would have spent and treat yourself to a gift after X amount of time of staying dry?
6. I love having a clear head! I know it's very early for me, but being able to think about important things instead of planning my days around how many drinks are at the house and what activities I can do without having to drive is pretty great.
Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to share and ask some questions from what seems to be an amazing support system here. Thanks guys and gals. Off to work now and look forward to responses. Hang in there everyone.
I'm male, mid 40s, been drinking beer for most of my adult life starting in college. My consumption increased gradually from 3-4 beers (Bud Light usually) to at least a 12 pack over the years. That grew to an 18 pack this past year after losing my mom to cancer. Yes I know that's an excuse as well as my favorite excuse used to my wife and friends "well it's not that bad because I drink those beers slow over 5-6 hours instead of pounding them". Stupid.
After throwing up almost daily, shaking, sweating, missing work, pissing away who knows how much money and brain cells I decided that was enough 5 days ago. The sweats are lessening, I'm making it thru shifts at work, and last night I actually slept most of the night. Oh, and my appetite is coming back.
Ok, thoughts and questions:
1. How do you not equate having fun and being happy to drinking? I get home after work, get cleaned up, do chores etc, then sit and think "now what? I usually am drinking by now".
2. How much longer to stop sweating in the face/forehead? While it has lessened it's annoying and embarrassing.
3. I think I know the answer to this...but will I ever be able to drink 2 beers at a family BBQ or tailgate or heck no?
4. For you recovering beer drinkers like me, how do you feel about O'douls or other non-alcoholic beers for previous question?
5. The amount of money in my wallet is already starting to show by not buying an 18-pack or even worse drinks at a restaurant or bar. Do you guys ever save what you would have spent and treat yourself to a gift after X amount of time of staying dry?
6. I love having a clear head! I know it's very early for me, but being able to think about important things instead of planning my days around how many drinks are at the house and what activities I can do without having to drive is pretty great.
Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to share and ask some questions from what seems to be an amazing support system here. Thanks guys and gals. Off to work now and look forward to responses. Hang in there everyone.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I think you start making lifestyle changes and finding hobbies and passtimes that don't involve drinking, and that bring you some happiness in your day.
No, there is no such thing as one or two drinks for an alcoholic, ever.
Non-alcoholic beer/wine is generally not considered a good idea because of the ritual aspect. Eg, I got rid of all my wine glasses and other bits that reminded me of drinking.
Treat yourself to something nice with the money you're saving.
No, there is no such thing as one or two drinks for an alcoholic, ever.
Non-alcoholic beer/wine is generally not considered a good idea because of the ritual aspect. Eg, I got rid of all my wine glasses and other bits that reminded me of drinking.
Treat yourself to something nice with the money you're saving.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Originally Posted by vegas34 
1. How do you not equate having fun and being happy to drinking? I get home after work, get cleaned up, do chores etc, then sit and think "now what? I usually am drinking by now".
I think that both actions and mindset need to change. It was a huge struggle for me to dissacociate myidentity from my drinking identity.
It was a part of me! It was who I was! No way was I ever going to have a single drop of fun ever again sober!
I realized later on that I was mourning the loss of alcohol and my perceived identity of myself + alcohol.
I have forced myself to make a mental shift and think about enjoying the moments, activities, events as they occur. I find the joy in folding laundry with my kids, or going to the grocery store. I’ve recommitted to old hobbies that fell by the wayside: cooking, reading, writing. I enjoy the relationships with friends and family that I’m fully present for.
Formally practicing gratitude is next on my list. I think that will help me strengthen my perspective/frame of mind.
I’ve come to enjoy myself as a sober person and redefine what it means to have fun and what it means to feel joy/peace.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you are here! Great job on five days. I always have plenty to say but here I will stick to your questions, from my experience...
1 filling up time takes....time. I hated hearing that at the beginning but I just had to trust that if I didn't drink and did whatever I could to pass the time it would get easier. Netflix binges, a phase with an adult coloring book (I work in the restaurant industry so many shifts merited cussing after
...), naps, reading memoirs and other books on recovery....
The fun part came as I was able to feel better physically and give actually living a chance. I found that the ability to choose what to do, instead of hangovers or drunkenness limiting or making choices "for me" was freeing. In time I have found what I like and some of it has been surprising. Choosing to be around positive people who supported my sobriety was important.
2 I was very sick so it took me awhile to get better...I am a sweater too (ha) and I thought of it as the effects of alcohoL rolling out of my body head to toe. Hydration helped.
3 nope.
4 I'm with Anna here, especially in listening to beer drinkers sharing...I was a hardcore vodka girl by the end and I avoided club soda for a long time too, once I quit drinking the vodka part. Now (2 yr 8 mo sober) I work for a restaurant group (and lead a recovery group our owner started) that has "zero proof cocktails" on every menu (20 restaurants as of this year). Sometimes I have one when dining. I never much liked mixed drinks so there is no association for me, b more importantly my desire to drink is zero.
5 heck yeah! For the first year or so, I used an app that counted days and had a money function- put in what I spent a day (I am sure I lowballed that, ha) and watch it add up...amazing when I quickly hit rent! I am financially secure now so I can shop, which was on hold for awhile and sorely missed since I adore clothes, e and I still maintain the good money habits I relearned when getting sober.
6 ohhh yes, this is an amazing plus that truly keeps getting better and more rewarding.
The best thing I ever did was get sober. Every single thing I have in my pretty darn awesome life is because of it. There is no downside for me.
My life has a backdrop of recovery, and it truly guides all I do, choices I make, company I keep....
Hope to see you around- you can do it.
1 filling up time takes....time. I hated hearing that at the beginning but I just had to trust that if I didn't drink and did whatever I could to pass the time it would get easier. Netflix binges, a phase with an adult coloring book (I work in the restaurant industry so many shifts merited cussing after
...), naps, reading memoirs and other books on recovery....The fun part came as I was able to feel better physically and give actually living a chance. I found that the ability to choose what to do, instead of hangovers or drunkenness limiting or making choices "for me" was freeing. In time I have found what I like and some of it has been surprising. Choosing to be around positive people who supported my sobriety was important.
2 I was very sick so it took me awhile to get better...I am a sweater too (ha) and I thought of it as the effects of alcohoL rolling out of my body head to toe. Hydration helped.
3 nope.
4 I'm with Anna here, especially in listening to beer drinkers sharing...I was a hardcore vodka girl by the end and I avoided club soda for a long time too, once I quit drinking the vodka part. Now (2 yr 8 mo sober) I work for a restaurant group (and lead a recovery group our owner started) that has "zero proof cocktails" on every menu (20 restaurants as of this year). Sometimes I have one when dining. I never much liked mixed drinks so there is no association for me, b more importantly my desire to drink is zero.
5 heck yeah! For the first year or so, I used an app that counted days and had a money function- put in what I spent a day (I am sure I lowballed that, ha) and watch it add up...amazing when I quickly hit rent! I am financially secure now so I can shop, which was on hold for awhile and sorely missed since I adore clothes, e and I still maintain the good money habits I relearned when getting sober.
6 ohhh yes, this is an amazing plus that truly keeps getting better and more rewarding.
The best thing I ever did was get sober. Every single thing I have in my pretty darn awesome life is because of it. There is no downside for me.
My life has a backdrop of recovery, and it truly guides all I do, choices I make, company I keep....
Hope to see you around- you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Hi Vegas! I'm male, quit at age 43 (46 now), started drinking in college, and drank mostly beer, so we have a few things in common. Here are my answers to your questions:
1. How do you not equate having fun and being happy to drinking?
It is a sea change. A lifestyle change. It will take time, so give it time. But if you do, I promise you that you will re-learn how to have fun. I had a really difficult time with this concept too - everything (every single thing!) that I did for fun included alcohol. Alcohol became more important than the event. Again, it takes time, but now I go to a concert and really focus on the music and the energy, not the booze. I will watch my Seahawks today because I love the game of football, no other reason. And when it is done, I will have the capacity and energy to mow my yard, go for a run, or take my kids for a hike. And I'll do all of those things because my entire existence is not tied to booze. I went to a movie last night - I never used to go to movies because theaters around here don't serve beer. You'll learn to have fun without booze, trust me, but it will take time. It is really important to be patient with yourself. You took 25 years to get yourself where you are - give yourself a few months to start to recover.
2. How much longer to stop sweating in the face/forehead? While it has lessened it's annoying and embarrassing.
Varies a lot from person to person. I sweat like a pig during my drinking days. It was so embarrassing. Mine stopped within probably a week of sobriety. It was very quick. Not sweating all the time is just one of the benefits of sobriety. Better skin, ability to work out, opportunities to lose weight, those are others. Oh, and a functioning liver tends to add to your lifespan.
3. I think I know the answer to this...but will I ever be able to drink 2 beers at a family BBQ or tailgate or heck no?
No, but don't worry about that yet. I resisted quitting for years because I could just not wrap my head around the concept of quitting forever. But I gave it time and, over a period of months, I realized that I could never drink. A few months into sobriety, I began to feel a sense of freedom that I hadn't felt since i was a child. Freedom from booze and all the bad things that came with it (the lies and deceit were at the top of that list). I'll never, ever surrender my freedom again. But, for you, don't think too much about this concept. You're staying sober today, that is all. Let everything else come with time, because it will.
4. For you recovering beer drinkers like me, how do you feel about O'douls or other non-alcoholic beers for previous question?
Most people agree that it's best to break the habit and that NA beer can lead you back to drinking. Some NA beers have a slight amount of booze too. There are some that drink it, though. For me, I just don't have the desire. Beer without booze defeats the purpose. I drink a ton of sparkling water. I also found that ginger beer (it's basically an extra spicy ginger ale) was a good alternative, but it has a ton of sugar, so I take it easy on that.
5. The amount of money in my wallet is already starting to show by not buying an 18-pack or even worse drinks at a restaurant or bar. Do you guys ever save what you would have spent and treat yourself to a gift after X amount of time of staying dry?
I didn't do this, but others do and it seems like a really great self-reward.
6. I love having a clear head! I know it's very early for me, but being able to think about important things instead of planning my days around how many drinks are at the house and what activities I can do without having to drive is pretty great.
Having a clear head is great. Waking up in the morning and knowing that you did not self-sabotage last night is pretty great too. Gaining the freedom from decades of booze is amazing.
Finally, this is unsolicited but I'll give it anyway and you can take it or leave it. The two biggest factors in my recovery: (1) a written recovery plan and (2) exercise. I would not be sober without those two things. There are lots of threads on written recovery plans if you want to read up on that.
You've made a great decision. Stay with it. Hard times will come, so get yourself prepared for those.
Congratulations!
1. How do you not equate having fun and being happy to drinking?
It is a sea change. A lifestyle change. It will take time, so give it time. But if you do, I promise you that you will re-learn how to have fun. I had a really difficult time with this concept too - everything (every single thing!) that I did for fun included alcohol. Alcohol became more important than the event. Again, it takes time, but now I go to a concert and really focus on the music and the energy, not the booze. I will watch my Seahawks today because I love the game of football, no other reason. And when it is done, I will have the capacity and energy to mow my yard, go for a run, or take my kids for a hike. And I'll do all of those things because my entire existence is not tied to booze. I went to a movie last night - I never used to go to movies because theaters around here don't serve beer. You'll learn to have fun without booze, trust me, but it will take time. It is really important to be patient with yourself. You took 25 years to get yourself where you are - give yourself a few months to start to recover.
2. How much longer to stop sweating in the face/forehead? While it has lessened it's annoying and embarrassing.
Varies a lot from person to person. I sweat like a pig during my drinking days. It was so embarrassing. Mine stopped within probably a week of sobriety. It was very quick. Not sweating all the time is just one of the benefits of sobriety. Better skin, ability to work out, opportunities to lose weight, those are others. Oh, and a functioning liver tends to add to your lifespan.
3. I think I know the answer to this...but will I ever be able to drink 2 beers at a family BBQ or tailgate or heck no?
No, but don't worry about that yet. I resisted quitting for years because I could just not wrap my head around the concept of quitting forever. But I gave it time and, over a period of months, I realized that I could never drink. A few months into sobriety, I began to feel a sense of freedom that I hadn't felt since i was a child. Freedom from booze and all the bad things that came with it (the lies and deceit were at the top of that list). I'll never, ever surrender my freedom again. But, for you, don't think too much about this concept. You're staying sober today, that is all. Let everything else come with time, because it will.
4. For you recovering beer drinkers like me, how do you feel about O'douls or other non-alcoholic beers for previous question?
Most people agree that it's best to break the habit and that NA beer can lead you back to drinking. Some NA beers have a slight amount of booze too. There are some that drink it, though. For me, I just don't have the desire. Beer without booze defeats the purpose. I drink a ton of sparkling water. I also found that ginger beer (it's basically an extra spicy ginger ale) was a good alternative, but it has a ton of sugar, so I take it easy on that.
5. The amount of money in my wallet is already starting to show by not buying an 18-pack or even worse drinks at a restaurant or bar. Do you guys ever save what you would have spent and treat yourself to a gift after X amount of time of staying dry?
I didn't do this, but others do and it seems like a really great self-reward.
6. I love having a clear head! I know it's very early for me, but being able to think about important things instead of planning my days around how many drinks are at the house and what activities I can do without having to drive is pretty great.
Having a clear head is great. Waking up in the morning and knowing that you did not self-sabotage last night is pretty great too. Gaining the freedom from decades of booze is amazing.
Finally, this is unsolicited but I'll give it anyway and you can take it or leave it. The two biggest factors in my recovery: (1) a written recovery plan and (2) exercise. I would not be sober without those two things. There are lots of threads on written recovery plans if you want to read up on that.
You've made a great decision. Stay with it. Hard times will come, so get yourself prepared for those.
Congratulations!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I saved around $25K the first year..I had a habit of excessive gambling/spending when drunk.
As for the "now what?"..I was bored outta my mind at first because I had structured my life around drinking and when I removed the complex 'web' of my drinking, I had a lot of time on my hands it seemed. After a few months I noticed my 'free time' being taken up by sober activities. I bought a motorcycle(can't ride drunk and I was always drunk) and hit the mountains on it. Got back into wrenching on cars(too lazy when drunk/hungover). Focusing more on my companys/family/real friends. Now it's like I don't have enough time to do the things I enjoy.
As for the "now what?"..I was bored outta my mind at first because I had structured my life around drinking and when I removed the complex 'web' of my drinking, I had a lot of time on my hands it seemed. After a few months I noticed my 'free time' being taken up by sober activities. I bought a motorcycle(can't ride drunk and I was always drunk) and hit the mountains on it. Got back into wrenching on cars(too lazy when drunk/hungover). Focusing more on my companys/family/real friends. Now it's like I don't have enough time to do the things I enjoy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 67
Welcome! I'm happy you're here and thank you for sharing your story. I am too new at this to have solid answers for the questions you've asked...
Except for number 3! That's a hard heck no. I'd venture that's where the vast majority of relapses start. I'll just have 1 or 2 at this special event, then within days you're right back at square one. I'm sure you've read this but I can tell you from experience, every detox is worse than the last.
I think you're going to feel better and better everyday. Keep posting and sharing!
Except for number 3! That's a hard heck no. I'd venture that's where the vast majority of relapses start. I'll just have 1 or 2 at this special event, then within days you're right back at square one. I'm sure you've read this but I can tell you from experience, every detox is worse than the last.
I think you're going to feel better and better everyday. Keep posting and sharing!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 7
Thank you!
Just read thru all your responses and very much appreciate it. I'm impressed by so many in 9 hours! I just got home, ate dinner with the wife, and am craving beer but am not going to do it.
Other notes:
Getting up for work (I work early) is EONS easier, I'm not a complete A-hole to my wife, and I don't have to worry about throwing up in the Jeep on the way in. Yes I would keep bags in there in case I lost it on the short drive.
I'm scared to death to consider the things that I don't remember over the years. I remember having fun at events, yet there are patches that are fuzzy or completely gone unless brought up by someone else. Not bad things per say, but scary how those memories just aren't there, even when I didn't feel "drunk" and was composed to those around me.
My slightly elevated BP is starting to return to normal, which is great since I wasn't honest with our doctor about my drinking and he was about to put my on a BP pill.
I sweat less today than the previous days. I was actually looking into a lotion or antiperspirant for my face and neck!!! Jeeeeeez.
Other notes:
Getting up for work (I work early) is EONS easier, I'm not a complete A-hole to my wife, and I don't have to worry about throwing up in the Jeep on the way in. Yes I would keep bags in there in case I lost it on the short drive.
I'm scared to death to consider the things that I don't remember over the years. I remember having fun at events, yet there are patches that are fuzzy or completely gone unless brought up by someone else. Not bad things per say, but scary how those memories just aren't there, even when I didn't feel "drunk" and was composed to those around me.
My slightly elevated BP is starting to return to normal, which is great since I wasn't honest with our doctor about my drinking and he was about to put my on a BP pill.
I sweat less today than the previous days. I was actually looking into a lotion or antiperspirant for my face and neck!!! Jeeeeeez.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by vegas34
I was actually looking into a lotion or antiperspirant for my face and neck!!! Jeeeeeez.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to the family. 
I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
I don't drink at all, going on nine years now, and I have fun. It's just a different kind of fun these days.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good. I don't drink at all, going on nine years now, and I have fun. It's just a different kind of fun these days.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 70
Hi Vegas
Regarding #1, it really does take some effort to learn how to fill the time that we once filled with drinking, being hungover, thinking about drinking etc. The longer I go without drinking (I quit 2/24/18) the more I realize how important it is to find ways to do that. I was used to alcohol being the proverbial carrot and without it, I felt I had nothing to look forward to. I mourned the loss of alcohol and that is self defeating. A new hobby, going to bed earlier etc. Only you can choose how to use that time but I'm sure you will.
Regarding #1, it really does take some effort to learn how to fill the time that we once filled with drinking, being hungover, thinking about drinking etc. The longer I go without drinking (I quit 2/24/18) the more I realize how important it is to find ways to do that. I was used to alcohol being the proverbial carrot and without it, I felt I had nothing to look forward to. I mourned the loss of alcohol and that is self defeating. A new hobby, going to bed earlier etc. Only you can choose how to use that time but I'm sure you will.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
Hi Vegas.
Most of what I'd have to offer has been stated well above, so let me just add that it's completely possible for a heavy beer drinker to quit and go on to have a great life. I was into high-ABV beers, spending a lot of money and gaining a lot of weight. All that is different now
Most of what I'd have to offer has been stated well above, so let me just add that it's completely possible for a heavy beer drinker to quit and go on to have a great life. I was into high-ABV beers, spending a lot of money and gaining a lot of weight. All that is different now
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Originally Posted by vegas34
Ok, thoughts and questions:
1. How do you not equate having fun and being happy to drinking? I get home after work, get cleaned up, do chores etc, then sit and think "now what? I usually am drinking by now".
1. How do you not equate having fun and being happy to drinking? I get home after work, get cleaned up, do chores etc, then sit and think "now what? I usually am drinking by now".
Think about hobbies and interests you have or would like to have...think about things to do that you don't need alcohol to enjoy.
It takes a little more effort than just opening a bottle but it's worth it.
2. How much longer to stop sweating in the face/forehead? While it has lessened it's annoying and embarrassing.
3. I think I know the answer to this...but will I ever be able to drink 2 beers at a family BBQ or tailgate or heck no?
4. For you recovering beer drinkers like me, how do you feel about O'douls or other non-alcoholic beers for previous question?
Take the leap and leave alcohol behind completely
5. The amount of money in my wallet is already starting to show by not buying an 18-pack or even worse drinks at a restaurant or bar. Do you guys ever save what you would have spent and treat yourself to a gift after X amount of time of staying dry?
6. I love having a clear head! I know it's very early for me, but being able to think about important things instead of planning my days around how many drinks are at the house and what activities I can do without having to drive is pretty great.
Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to share and ask some questions from what seems to be an amazing support system here. Thanks guys and gals. Off to work now and look forward to responses. Hang in there everyone
Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to share and ask some questions from what seems to be an amazing support system here. Thanks guys and gals. Off to work now and look forward to responses. Hang in there everyone
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 7
Doing good, actually just returned home from the gym (it's been at least 3 years) and I'm feeling good. I've even been out to dinner where others drank and I had iced tea. They did give me sh*t at first for not ordering beer, but were cool when I explained.
I also just bought my wife's birthday present (days in advance actually) with the cash I've saved not buying an 18-pack a night.
I also just bought my wife's birthday present (days in advance actually) with the cash I've saved not buying an 18-pack a night.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad to hear it! Have you thought about starting some recovery specific actions? Having a plan of some kind- mine is AA and there are plenty of folks here who can share their programs and practices- is crucial to me, now as much (in some ways more as the Life Stuff happens) as it was at the start.
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