An unexpected temptation.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 9
An unexpected temptation.
I'm in week six and have been doing fine, all in all. I've filled my time, changed my habits and feel lucky that withdrawal was relatively simple straightforward and that I haven't had cravings. This from a base of long-term heavy drinking.
Today sort of knocked me for six, though.
It was by any standards a good day. Thirteenth wedding anniversary (and looking like many more to come), my wife lands a major order and I'm notified that a major tax refund is on the way.
All good stuff. A nice sunny day on the mountaintop.
Then I felt the first stirring in weeks of not quite a need, but rather something more than a mere desire for a celebratory drink.
I'd expected the pressure to drink to come from circumstances whi h were more negative. That if they fall off the wagon it will be a result of drowned sorrows. It came as a surprise and a lesson to find that the demon takes no days off and is ever ready to pounce.
Perhaps a reminder, too, that certain reactions to events including happy ones are not simply habitual, but over time can be instinctive.
It's something g to guard against.
I celebrated with hugs and chocolate instead.
Today sort of knocked me for six, though.
It was by any standards a good day. Thirteenth wedding anniversary (and looking like many more to come), my wife lands a major order and I'm notified that a major tax refund is on the way.
All good stuff. A nice sunny day on the mountaintop.
Then I felt the first stirring in weeks of not quite a need, but rather something more than a mere desire for a celebratory drink.
I'd expected the pressure to drink to come from circumstances whi h were more negative. That if they fall off the wagon it will be a result of drowned sorrows. It came as a surprise and a lesson to find that the demon takes no days off and is ever ready to pounce.
Perhaps a reminder, too, that certain reactions to events including happy ones are not simply habitual, but over time can be instinctive.
It's something g to guard against.
I celebrated with hugs and chocolate instead.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
We have a disease that is unpredictable. It wants us dead. Thoughts of using crop up out of nowhere. Not long ago I opened the medicine cabinet and saw cough syrup. No alcohol in it, but ive read it can make you loopy with whatever med. is in it...but I had a fleeting thought of drinking it all. No idea why...oh right because I have a disease I have to be vigilant about treating one day at a time. Moment to moment if need be. Im thankful I know now what ails me...helps me fight.
Jules
Jules
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Like others here good times were triggers too. They were possibly even more dangerous because I never expected that trigger.
Sounds like you celebrated in a more healthy and life affirming way, and that's great Tacitus
D
Sounds like you celebrated in a more healthy and life affirming way, and that's great Tacitus
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,974
Thank goodness for hugs and chocolate! Glad you found a healthy alternative.
My biggest relapse came at an unexpected time similar to what you described. It was after 9 months of sobriety and the day could not have gone more perfectly. I drove straight to the store and bought a bottle of wine to celebrate, barely giving it a second thought. Unbelievable! How I paid for that
. I did learn from it though and that’s the most important thing. My resolve to never drink again is stronger than ever. I realized how easily we can be caught off guard. I have to practice my sobriety every day. One day at a time
My biggest relapse came at an unexpected time similar to what you described. It was after 9 months of sobriety and the day could not have gone more perfectly. I drove straight to the store and bought a bottle of wine to celebrate, barely giving it a second thought. Unbelievable! How I paid for that
. I did learn from it though and that’s the most important thing. My resolve to never drink again is stronger than ever. I realized how easily we can be caught off guard. I have to practice my sobriety every day. One day at a time No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I found that a lot of those were more 'twinges' than cravings, and really based out of habit.
At first they freaked me out, but after my cognitive therapy I had learned to look at cravings, acknowledging them without judging. i think this is what Dee calls urge surfing. Generally I'd realize that it was more of a habitual thing, times when I used to drink arising and my instinct was to drink. Once I looked it it though, I didn't really WANT to drink, it was more like a Pavlovian reaction.
I vividly remember racing around from errand to errand and getting home a few minutes early and thinking "Oh, good, I have time for a drink before my meeting.
This was an AA meeting!
I laughed over the absurdity of it. I really didn't want to drink, particularly before an AA meeting. It was just a habitual response to having a bit of extra time before an evening activity.
Wonder if this makes sense to anyone else.
At first they freaked me out, but after my cognitive therapy I had learned to look at cravings, acknowledging them without judging. i think this is what Dee calls urge surfing. Generally I'd realize that it was more of a habitual thing, times when I used to drink arising and my instinct was to drink. Once I looked it it though, I didn't really WANT to drink, it was more like a Pavlovian reaction.
I vividly remember racing around from errand to errand and getting home a few minutes early and thinking "Oh, good, I have time for a drink before my meeting.
This was an AA meeting!
I laughed over the absurdity of it. I really didn't want to drink, particularly before an AA meeting. It was just a habitual response to having a bit of extra time before an evening activity.
Wonder if this makes sense to anyone else.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Seattle
Posts: 107
This does indeed make sense and I am currently working to break my own Pavlovian habit or turning right and going to the bar after work rather than turning left and taking the bus directly home.
Annie Grace’s book This Naked Mind was really quite useful and easy to read if you want to hear some other ideas.
Annie Grace’s book This Naked Mind was really quite useful and easy to read if you want to hear some other ideas.
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