My dad is one of my biggest triggers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by boreas 
Thanks for this post. There have been lots of complicated dynamics within my family over the years due to my sibling’s addiction from an early age. Thankfully, things are quieter now. But I’ve had to come to grips with the fallout...which amounts to a continued over-enmeshment between my parents and sibling, and a disconnect in my relationship with them.
It’s very quiet...just like you spoke of. That phone never rings. There is no effort on their part to develop or maintain a relationship. They have no active part in their grandson’s life (even to my mother having to ask if he’s in high school yet. He’s about to start the 11th grade). I’ve forced myself to contact them once per month to maintain some lines of communication, but the reality of their lack of interest really stung for a long time.
I just had to disengage. That relationship will never be what I would like. The dynamic that developed when we were all younger continues to play out. All I can do is focus on my own path and continue to mourn what will never be. It took me a long time to get here, but I would label it a “sad acceptance”. It is what it is.
As you said, certainly not worth drinking over.
-bora
It’s very quiet...just like you spoke of. That phone never rings. There is no effort on their part to develop or maintain a relationship. They have no active part in their grandson’s life (even to my mother having to ask if he’s in high school yet. He’s about to start the 11th grade). I’ve forced myself to contact them once per month to maintain some lines of communication, but the reality of their lack of interest really stung for a long time.
I just had to disengage. That relationship will never be what I would like. The dynamic that developed when we were all younger continues to play out. All I can do is focus on my own path and continue to mourn what will never be. It took me a long time to get here, but I would label it a “sad acceptance”. It is what it is.
As you said, certainly not worth drinking over.
-bora
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
My dad never calls me either. It’s taken some time for me to see what part of that is him and what part of it is me. And then, to accept him for who he is, and decide what the relationship (or lack thereof) is in my life. The last part is scary when it comes to parents. Really scary. I recommend an actual therapist to work that stuff out. It will 100% strengthen your sobriety to address it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by bexxed
My dad never calls me either. It’s taken some time for me to see what part of that is him and what part of it is me. And then, to accept him for who he is, and decide what the relationship (or lack thereof) is in my life. The last part is scary when it comes to parents. Really scary. I recommend an actual therapist to work that stuff out. It will 100% strengthen your sobriety to address it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I'm sorry Rayna - my relationship with my folks is similar - I would tie myself in knots trying to get some appreciation, some acknowledgement.
I eventually came to the conclusion that my real family are the friends and loved ones I've had, some for 40 years or longer.
I'm really glad you're not drinking over this - drinking is the equivalent of saying your feelings don;t matter - but they do
I can categorically state that - recovery has changed me, fundamentally for the better.
I'm not the man I used to be.
The good news is you have that sense of surety to look forward to one day too, Keto
D
I eventually came to the conclusion that my real family are the friends and loved ones I've had, some for 40 years or longer.
I'm really glad you're not drinking over this - drinking is the equivalent of saying your feelings don;t matter - but they do
Originally Posted by Keto
I don't think anyone, especially an alcoholic can catergorically state they wont drink if a series of unfortunate events happened to them....
I'm not the man I used to be.
The good news is you have that sense of surety to look forward to one day too, Keto
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm sorry Rayna - my relationship with my folks is similar - I would tie myself in knots trying to get some appreciation, some acknowledgement.
I eventually came to the conclusion that my real family are the friends and loved ones I've had, some for 40 years or longer.
I'm really glad you're not drinking over this - drinking is the equivalent of saying your feelings don;t matter - but they do
I can categorically state that - recovery has changed me, fundamentally for the better.
I'm not the man I used to be.
The good news is you have that sense of surety to look forward to one day too, Keto
D
I eventually came to the conclusion that my real family are the friends and loved ones I've had, some for 40 years or longer.
I'm really glad you're not drinking over this - drinking is the equivalent of saying your feelings don;t matter - but they do
I can categorically state that - recovery has changed me, fundamentally for the better.
I'm not the man I used to be.
The good news is you have that sense of surety to look forward to one day too, Keto
D
thank you again.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
