LynnJenn

Hello everyone. I read here a lot of people say post here a lot. So, I think I am going to follow that advice.

My husband is still in his program. He always does well as he is smart, articulate, manipulative, and addicted. Hmm.. I had not heard from him in about a week. He doesn't have a phone and uses another person phone. It was making me very anxious about what was going on with him. Regardless I did not call the number I had. He called me today asking about the password to his email to access his resume. Now mind you this is all positive. I am glad he is doing good. But I can't let him know that. Anyway. I ended up saying I didn't know the password and yes I changed it. Also I couldn't really help by looking myself and seeing if the resume was there and send it. I declined. He needs to take care of his own stuff. I love my husband. I am glad he is sober. I'm not even comfortable saying clean.. it's still feels to me a forced sobriety because he is in the program. In patient. Since it's so strict he is abstaining. I will consider it real progress when he stay clean. On the street in the real world. Not protected by the confines of rehab. I wonder. Do I sound harsh? I hope not. I'm a pretty straight forward person. And I can vent here and chat freely.

I want him to get well. He has done so many things I am at that point where long term consistent actions will lead me to be more hands on. Or show love/ care.

It's like an addict sees ..well my addicted husband sees/uses my love and kindness as a pivotal point in his web of how to get the next blast.
So I am no longer kind. Just matter of fact. I can't help you do anything until you get clean off crack. And I know people who got clean off crack. It took them 20 years And they threw their whole life away. Baby included. That's why I cry for mine. Why did daddy smoke crack?! I can NOT understand.

DreamCatcher17

I think not giving him his password to his e-mail while in treatment to get his resume set up is selfish, like you are stopping him from trying to be better. He is trying to take care of his own stuff it sounds like....
He is in treatment getting better.

While I understand you may not trust him putting up road blocks probably isn't the best idea.

I would take all that negitive energy you have about him and focus on you and bettering your life, sounds like you have kids and they need a responsible parent around.

You say your husband is manipulative, sounds like you are doing that to him now. I am not sure how healthy that is for anyone involved.

Trust is hard to earn back.

See is progress and show love
If you cant, maybe walk away..... For yourself so you dont turn into a sad, angry human.

I guess that would be my advice... It was hard to read the post and follow it as I may be missing a back story or more information.

PS:
I was addicted to meth for a few years, and have been clean for over 12. IT is possible to recover, the person just has to want to. It is nothing you did that made him go down this path, it is on him. I just hope you help yourself to be the best version of you that you can be.

-DC

Berrybean

Maybe you could just tell him the password and suggest that he changes it once he's logged in so that he is taking back responsibility for his account?

If you know the password and are saying you don't, well, that isn't matter of fact. It is a lie.

Not helping him is one thing. Deliberately creating obstacles is another. No-one should be changing other people's passwords so they can't access their personal information. Giving him the new password isn't so much giving him something of yours as giving him back something that belongs to him.

BB

Della1968

I am confused how he can take care of his own stuff if he doesn't have the tools like a password? I agree on not doing things for him but recovery is a hell of a battle without someone making it harder. I understand you are hurt I truly do I have been on both sides. If you can't support him at least don't hurt his progress.

LynnJenn

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I did end up figuring out what the password was. I text it to the number I had. And I did find the resume too. I felt bad. I sent it in the middle of the night.
He just text saying thank you. And I thought of what I said here. I feel sbad. I was thinking like why do I have to go in there and do anything. He would have to do what I did. Forgot password and r set it. But, I did it. I know it was for the best.

LynnJenn

I was thinking he could reset it as I could. But I realized it was in poor taste on my part and eventually sent it.

He called and said thanks