tonisherrell

I dont know why iam so foolish. I keep putting myself back at day 1. I need to come up with a plan. I so disappointed in myself. I havent slipped back to my daily drinking but I have been drinking 2-3 times a month. Some people consider that social drinking, but for me it can be a very dangerous slope for me.

least

I hope you can develop a plan for sobriety that will work for you. Make this your last day one.

Clarity51

Hi, Toni. I feel your pain. I am in the same boat and feel terrible about myself. About 2 weeks ago i started going to AA meetings instead of just trying to do this on my own. I really like the meetings and the people there are really caring and want to help. I had 13 days sober and then drank again yesterday on my day off. So...here i am...back at day one. I havent yet started working the steps yet so I am going to do that and hope it helps. Its like after i get a week or two sober i start thinking (or wishing) that i can try and just drink a little bit. I get bored or depressed or lonely and in the past, drinking always cheered me up. But my drinking has gotten worse. I dont stop even after im drunk. I just keep drinking. Then comes the hangover...just like the one i've had today. I know i've got to stop. I forget over and over again that drinking is not fun like it used to be. I am determined to never give up though. I think getting sober must take some practice for me.

Fearlessat50

I had countless Day1s! I always started back up with social drinking and like you it would be only a few times per month and not even getting drunk. Just a glass here and there. However, I always felt disappointed in myself and I always ended up right back where I was with proble, drinking eventually. It got worse every time, with worse hangovers too. Plus quitting was harder the next time. Check out Kindling alcohol withdrawal on Google if you aren’t familiar with it. What finally worked for me is to change my thinking to no longer expect moderation; just never again have a single drop of the stuff that made me feel so bad about myself. I’m 1-1/2 years sober now. I was a cool party girl and was worried all my friends would judge me or dump me. None of that happened except a couple who weren’t meant to be in my life in the first place and had an alcohol issue as well. Most of my friends respect me more. My best advice is change your thinking, stay away from the first drink and you will be a much happier person ��

goodbyeevan

It is so hard in the beginning. I would be amazed when I got 2 days but by day 3 my AV would come on strong and the memory of the last hangover got a little bet less vivid. When I got a week, I would celebrate with some earnest efforts in moderation that always failed. Mostly because I am an alcoholic my unconscious mind never really wanted to have just one or two. I had so so many day ones, way before I started posting here.

I got 21 days then relapsed badly resulting in a fall down a flight of stairs. I am lucky I didn't break my back. Then 45 days and relapsed again with suicidal thoughts. Then I joined the march class. I started going to meetings. I ordered books. I posted here and made a sober Instagram where I follow a ton of sober inspirations and others who are where I'm at or just starting. I listen to 3 recovery podcasts and sometimes speaker tapes. I have tried to equip myself with knowledge about alcoholism and be there for others who might be interested in sobriety. I just try to be consumed with all things sobriety and gaining knowledge about alcoholism.

This approach DOES NOT work for my bf. He finds it triggering to do this approach but I find it empowering and it works for me. Find what works for you. Take what you need and leave the rest. Write out a wellness plan, identify triggers, make a plan for dealing with those, etc. He is almost 6 months sober and I am almost 5. This is the longest we've had in 10 years. Our lives are INFINITELY better than they were. It wasn't overnight but it is very noticeable now. We always kinda figured it would be this way, but we had so much fear quitting drinking, we never really gave it a fair shot until now.

I hope you can make it stick. So many threads out there tonight about the serious consequences of alcoholism and the physical effects of withdrawals. If we can get on this side of the disease, we really are the luckiest people. Addiction is insane and i hope you can make a plan that will give you what you need. You absolutely CAN do it!

tonisherrell

Thank you guys.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Toni. You say you need a plan...what have you tried in the past? We might be able to help you put one together if you like.

rustygolf

Been there a zillion times. Go for a while, distance myself from drinking, tell myself I'll be good or make some rules to stick to. Inevitably I'm doing things that are just so stupid again and that "normal" drinkers just don't do and I'm back to day 1, feeling like a dumpster. The mental struggle of it all is just too much and I don't want to live the rest of my life fighting the demon and losing. The only way I can win is to not drink.

The other night I was watching War Games. That 80s movie with Matthew Broderick. At the end they teach the computer that the only way to win tic tac toe is not to play the game. That is like drinking for me. I've been that stupid computer playing the game thinking there would be a different outcome or I could win, and I just cant. Unfortunately I couldn't put myself on loop and learn it in 2 minutes like the computer could, but after trying to control my drinking for 15+ years I think its finally set in.