Thoughts about how an addicted brain works differently
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Thoughts about how an addicted brain works differently
Anyone and everyone can feel free to disregard this post. Moderators can move it to a different forum if it's more appropriate elsewhere.
My first post on SR was on about my (first) Day 9 or so, which was at that point the longest period of sustained abstinence that I'd enjoyed in at least a decade. After a short while I decided to drink again, and I'm not really even sure why. I think the main reason was that my AV told me it was time to see if I could stay in control while drinking.
Things reverted almost instantly, like within less than a week, to the same old pattern. So I quit again a few days ago, and now I'm back to a clear head and feeling better. One impetus for quitting again was running across an empty vodka bottle that I had hidden from my partner. I don't want to be the type of person who does that kind of thing. So here I am.
But in thinking about the challenges to sobriety, I observed a few things about the process of my craving and drinking, and I think this knowledge has been helpful to me. As always, others' mileage may vary, so this is not presented as Received Truth, just as mere musings about what it's like to live inside my head.
Here goes.
Back when I wasn't addicted, alcohol triggers didn't have any effect on me. Picture if you will, a graph. The X-axis (horizontal line) is time, and the Y-axis (vertical line) is happiness. At a particular moment, I get exposed to an alcohol trigger, say, a picture of a frosty martini or a friend who says, "let's go grab some beers." There's a brief upward tick in happiness, because that sounds fun and refreshing. but I can't partake, because I need to choose to stay home and work. The graph then takes a slight, brief downward tick into unhappiness ("darn, I wish I could go but I need to stay here tonight"). And then the happiness graph reverts quickly back to normal, with neither a positive nor a negative mood.
Such is a non-addicted brain.
With my addicted brain, in the right context, it's completely different. When I get exposed to an alcohol trigger (say, a friend saying, "let's go grab some beers," or merely walking in the door from work, which is the time when my drinking would usually start every day), the happiness graph also ticks a bit upwards, but then there's a bifurcation depending on what happens next.
If I decide to give in and drink, then from that moment on, the happiness graph goes back down to normal. And then I start drinking, and the buzz and euphoria from the alcohol kick in. (And then later the blackout, the bad sleep, the retching, and the next day, the hangover, the sweats, the too-jumpy reflexes, and the shame.)
But if I decide not to drink, then the happiness graph takes a massive negative dive, way lower than the slight upticks and downticks we've been talking about. All these bad emotions pile on: anxiety, panic, irritability, fear, resentment, and depression; and that's when the AV starts talking: I'm entitled to feel better, I deserve to feel better, there's no other way to feel happy, I can moderate, and so on. Then, later, after a time of white-knuckle perseverance, the happiness graph slowly climbs back up to normal again. And on we go.
That is a graphical representation of a craving, for me, anyway.
And I think that's how an addicted brain is different than a non-addicted brain: when presented with a trigger in context, the addicted brain goes full-on into negative emotion territory unless the drug of choice is taken, whereas the non-addicted brain doesn't have that deep downward dip when triggered.
Two observations that I think have helped me stay abstinent:
1. This is contextually dependent. Alcohol triggers don't affect me at work, or when I'm travelling on certain vacations. (Don't get me wrong, there are "drinking vacations" as well.)
2. Why is it contextually dependent? Because the downward dip in the happiness graph doesn't happen unless there's the ability to choose not to drink.
For me, that insight was pretty profound. Triggers don't affect me at work, because I know I can't drink at work. But at home, I'm totally vulnerable. And on the weekends. So I drink there whenever I have the chance. And triggers don't affect me when its' impossible to drink, such as on a trip to a place where alcohol isn't easily available, or when circumstances are otherwise out of my control.
The bad feelings from the craving only happen when I can drink but choose not to. And that makes the feelings totally worse, because I know I can make them go away with alcohol. (That's why the AV starts speaking up at exactly that point. The AV never talks to me at work, since I know I can't choose to drink at work; it's just not possible.) The AV only speaks to me when those negative emotions come up, and that only happens when I have the choice to drink and choose not to.
So how does this help me stay abstinent?
By remembering that hearing the AV means I have a choice. It reinforces that I'm making a decision to not drink. When the AV is speaking is exactly the time I need to remind myself of the healthy choice that I have made.
The experiences of many of us have shown that we get less vulnerable to triggers over time. Remember how I said triggers were dependent on context? Well, we change "coming home from work" from a time when we drink, to a time when we don't drink, and the triggering effect of walking in the door diminishes and then does away.
But we know where our brains can revert to, and that is the strongest argument I can think of for continued abstinence.
Sorry if this was too long, too irrelevant, or too self-indulgent.
Peace, everyone.
--Radix
My first post on SR was on about my (first) Day 9 or so, which was at that point the longest period of sustained abstinence that I'd enjoyed in at least a decade. After a short while I decided to drink again, and I'm not really even sure why. I think the main reason was that my AV told me it was time to see if I could stay in control while drinking.
Things reverted almost instantly, like within less than a week, to the same old pattern. So I quit again a few days ago, and now I'm back to a clear head and feeling better. One impetus for quitting again was running across an empty vodka bottle that I had hidden from my partner. I don't want to be the type of person who does that kind of thing. So here I am.
But in thinking about the challenges to sobriety, I observed a few things about the process of my craving and drinking, and I think this knowledge has been helpful to me. As always, others' mileage may vary, so this is not presented as Received Truth, just as mere musings about what it's like to live inside my head.
Here goes.
Back when I wasn't addicted, alcohol triggers didn't have any effect on me. Picture if you will, a graph. The X-axis (horizontal line) is time, and the Y-axis (vertical line) is happiness. At a particular moment, I get exposed to an alcohol trigger, say, a picture of a frosty martini or a friend who says, "let's go grab some beers." There's a brief upward tick in happiness, because that sounds fun and refreshing. but I can't partake, because I need to choose to stay home and work. The graph then takes a slight, brief downward tick into unhappiness ("darn, I wish I could go but I need to stay here tonight"). And then the happiness graph reverts quickly back to normal, with neither a positive nor a negative mood.
Such is a non-addicted brain.
With my addicted brain, in the right context, it's completely different. When I get exposed to an alcohol trigger (say, a friend saying, "let's go grab some beers," or merely walking in the door from work, which is the time when my drinking would usually start every day), the happiness graph also ticks a bit upwards, but then there's a bifurcation depending on what happens next.
If I decide to give in and drink, then from that moment on, the happiness graph goes back down to normal. And then I start drinking, and the buzz and euphoria from the alcohol kick in. (And then later the blackout, the bad sleep, the retching, and the next day, the hangover, the sweats, the too-jumpy reflexes, and the shame.)
But if I decide not to drink, then the happiness graph takes a massive negative dive, way lower than the slight upticks and downticks we've been talking about. All these bad emotions pile on: anxiety, panic, irritability, fear, resentment, and depression; and that's when the AV starts talking: I'm entitled to feel better, I deserve to feel better, there's no other way to feel happy, I can moderate, and so on. Then, later, after a time of white-knuckle perseverance, the happiness graph slowly climbs back up to normal again. And on we go.
That is a graphical representation of a craving, for me, anyway.
And I think that's how an addicted brain is different than a non-addicted brain: when presented with a trigger in context, the addicted brain goes full-on into negative emotion territory unless the drug of choice is taken, whereas the non-addicted brain doesn't have that deep downward dip when triggered.
Two observations that I think have helped me stay abstinent:
1. This is contextually dependent. Alcohol triggers don't affect me at work, or when I'm travelling on certain vacations. (Don't get me wrong, there are "drinking vacations" as well.)
2. Why is it contextually dependent? Because the downward dip in the happiness graph doesn't happen unless there's the ability to choose not to drink.
For me, that insight was pretty profound. Triggers don't affect me at work, because I know I can't drink at work. But at home, I'm totally vulnerable. And on the weekends. So I drink there whenever I have the chance. And triggers don't affect me when its' impossible to drink, such as on a trip to a place where alcohol isn't easily available, or when circumstances are otherwise out of my control.
The bad feelings from the craving only happen when I can drink but choose not to. And that makes the feelings totally worse, because I know I can make them go away with alcohol. (That's why the AV starts speaking up at exactly that point. The AV never talks to me at work, since I know I can't choose to drink at work; it's just not possible.) The AV only speaks to me when those negative emotions come up, and that only happens when I have the choice to drink and choose not to.
So how does this help me stay abstinent?
By remembering that hearing the AV means I have a choice. It reinforces that I'm making a decision to not drink. When the AV is speaking is exactly the time I need to remind myself of the healthy choice that I have made.
The experiences of many of us have shown that we get less vulnerable to triggers over time. Remember how I said triggers were dependent on context? Well, we change "coming home from work" from a time when we drink, to a time when we don't drink, and the triggering effect of walking in the door diminishes and then does away.
But we know where our brains can revert to, and that is the strongest argument I can think of for continued abstinence.
Sorry if this was too long, too irrelevant, or too self-indulgent.
Peace, everyone.
--Radix
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Something has changed in my brain I can feel it. Iam not as enthusiastic about much anymore, except drinking ofcourse.
Iam currently sober but my last relapse was a good indicator that I have not changed.
Unfortunately, and i hate to be a mood killer. But I don't really live in sobriety, I just meerly exist in it.
Iam currently sober but my last relapse was a good indicator that I have not changed.
Unfortunately, and i hate to be a mood killer. But I don't really live in sobriety, I just meerly exist in it.
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Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Renvate 
Something has changed in my brain I can feel it. Iam not as enthusiastic about much anymore, except drinking ofcourse.
.
.
The most important takeaway for me from the OP would be that we do have a choice. Not only a choice in regards to whether we drink or not, but a choice as to how we want to live our lives in general.
My counselor uses the term "OK, so now what" a lot. A therapist' job is not to "fix" patients, but rather to give them tools so they can fix them on their own. So if you find out that you have depression, anxiety, OCD, PAWS, or whatever it might be - that's not a diagnosis for life. It's a starting point for change.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 278
I think we do have a choice.
I don't want to say my outlook is what everyone's outlook should be, because I know people will say things like, "I had to quit because it got to the point where I didn't have any choice any more." I really don't want to quibble about words or get in the way of anything that anyone else has found works for them.
But for me, it centers on remembering that I can choose to drink, or choose not to, and the anxiety that pulls the beast out of its dark pit, and its AV hollering, serve as reminders that right now there's a choice to be made.
I don't want to say my outlook is what everyone's outlook should be, because I know people will say things like, "I had to quit because it got to the point where I didn't have any choice any more." I really don't want to quibble about words or get in the way of anything that anyone else has found works for them.
But for me, it centers on remembering that I can choose to drink, or choose not to, and the anxiety that pulls the beast out of its dark pit, and its AV hollering, serve as reminders that right now there's a choice to be made.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Radix - whatever works for you! I find that I have oscillated between deep analysis as to why I drank and simple Abstinence for Dummies "just don't drink" thinking during my journey to sobriety. Both have helped.
Nice work on staying sober.
Nice work on staying sober.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Renvate
Something has changed in my brain I can feel it. Iam not as enthusiastic about much anymore, except drinking ofcourse.
Persistent drinking causes brain chemistry changes.
So does returning to persistent sobriety.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
This is one of the articles on 'happiness set-points'. It's very good and very encouraging.
Happiness Set Point: The Role of Brain Chemistry in Addiction
Happiness Set Point
We know that addiction has drastic and often devastating consequences in the lives of individuals affected by this disease. The more that researchers and medical professionals learn about addiction, however, the clearer it has become that in addition to the physical and interpersonal consequences addiction has in a person’s life, this disease has a significant impact on brain chemistry. Specifically, addiction can alter a person’s “happiness set point,” making it hard for people in early sobriety to experience joy and contentment. Understanding how addiction impacts this aspect of our processing can help to encourage addicts and alcoholics in early recovery to hang onto their sobriety even through the tough times, in order to let their brain heal and return to normal functioning.
What Is A Happiness Set Point?
In 1971, psychologists Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell developed a theory about human beings’ experiences of happiness. Their research indicated that human beings have a base “hedonic set point”, or “happiness set point” to which they return regardless of drastic changes in life circumstances. For example, if an individual generally has a low-level of happiness and experiences mild depression, they may feel extreme happiness and joy after winning the lottery, but will return to their base level of emotion after some time. In contrast, a person who is generally very happy and joyful will return to their happiness set point after experiencing a tragic event that may cause them to feel sadness for a period of time. This theory indicates that the best way to increase permanent happiness isn’t through getting the things one wants in life, but through internal work such as therapy or medication for mental illnesses.
The Happiness Set Point And Addiction
Addiction essentially rewires the way that the brain works. Our brains produce chemicals that send signals to our body and produce feelings of happiness and pleasure when we engage in an activity that’s good for us, like eating. Dopamine is the primary “reward chemical” our brains use to signal our body and mind that we are doing something pleasurable. Drugs artificially produce a huge rush of dopamine that flood the brain. Over time, continued use of drugs, like heroin, cocaine, alcohol, or others, sends so much dopamine through the brain that the brain rewires itself. The overproduction of dopamine causes the happiness set point in drug users to rise to an extremely high level. What this means is that in these individuals, in order to feel normal happiness, joy, or contentment, their brain requires abnormally large amounts of dopamine that are simply not found in nature. The only things that create enough dopamine to meet these high happiness set points are drugs and alcohol. Without substances, normal human activities like chatting with a friend, riding a roller coaster, or eating a cupcake just don’t produce enough dopamine to reach an individual’s happiness set point. Unfortunately, this effect can last for months after the addict or alcoholic stops using substances, meaning that in early recovery, happiness can feel unachievable, even through fun activities.
The Good News
Fortunately, the brain is a remarkably adaptive organ. Even if your happiness set point is raised above a normal level, over a period of abstaining from substances, it can reset back to its base level, allowing the individual to once again experience happiness and joy from things besides drugs and alcohol. However, this means that feeling sadness and depression is common in early sobriety, and to an extent must be endured for a temporary period while the brain heals. When the happiness set point is elevated and drugs are out of the picture, old hobbies may not bring the addict or alcoholic the joy that they once did. The good news is that as the brain adjusts to life without substances, the happiness set point lowers to a normal level and old hobbies and pleasures become just as fun- if not more fun- as they once were. It can be hard in early sobriety to have patience while the brain heals, but there are some things that can make this process easier, including:
from gracesway.com
Thanks Nonsensical.
Happiness Set Point: The Role of Brain Chemistry in Addiction
Happiness Set Point
We know that addiction has drastic and often devastating consequences in the lives of individuals affected by this disease. The more that researchers and medical professionals learn about addiction, however, the clearer it has become that in addition to the physical and interpersonal consequences addiction has in a person’s life, this disease has a significant impact on brain chemistry. Specifically, addiction can alter a person’s “happiness set point,” making it hard for people in early sobriety to experience joy and contentment. Understanding how addiction impacts this aspect of our processing can help to encourage addicts and alcoholics in early recovery to hang onto their sobriety even through the tough times, in order to let their brain heal and return to normal functioning.
What Is A Happiness Set Point?
In 1971, psychologists Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell developed a theory about human beings’ experiences of happiness. Their research indicated that human beings have a base “hedonic set point”, or “happiness set point” to which they return regardless of drastic changes in life circumstances. For example, if an individual generally has a low-level of happiness and experiences mild depression, they may feel extreme happiness and joy after winning the lottery, but will return to their base level of emotion after some time. In contrast, a person who is generally very happy and joyful will return to their happiness set point after experiencing a tragic event that may cause them to feel sadness for a period of time. This theory indicates that the best way to increase permanent happiness isn’t through getting the things one wants in life, but through internal work such as therapy or medication for mental illnesses.
The Happiness Set Point And Addiction
Addiction essentially rewires the way that the brain works. Our brains produce chemicals that send signals to our body and produce feelings of happiness and pleasure when we engage in an activity that’s good for us, like eating. Dopamine is the primary “reward chemical” our brains use to signal our body and mind that we are doing something pleasurable. Drugs artificially produce a huge rush of dopamine that flood the brain. Over time, continued use of drugs, like heroin, cocaine, alcohol, or others, sends so much dopamine through the brain that the brain rewires itself. The overproduction of dopamine causes the happiness set point in drug users to rise to an extremely high level. What this means is that in these individuals, in order to feel normal happiness, joy, or contentment, their brain requires abnormally large amounts of dopamine that are simply not found in nature. The only things that create enough dopamine to meet these high happiness set points are drugs and alcohol. Without substances, normal human activities like chatting with a friend, riding a roller coaster, or eating a cupcake just don’t produce enough dopamine to reach an individual’s happiness set point. Unfortunately, this effect can last for months after the addict or alcoholic stops using substances, meaning that in early recovery, happiness can feel unachievable, even through fun activities.
The Good News
Fortunately, the brain is a remarkably adaptive organ. Even if your happiness set point is raised above a normal level, over a period of abstaining from substances, it can reset back to its base level, allowing the individual to once again experience happiness and joy from things besides drugs and alcohol. However, this means that feeling sadness and depression is common in early sobriety, and to an extent must be endured for a temporary period while the brain heals. When the happiness set point is elevated and drugs are out of the picture, old hobbies may not bring the addict or alcoholic the joy that they once did. The good news is that as the brain adjusts to life without substances, the happiness set point lowers to a normal level and old hobbies and pleasures become just as fun- if not more fun- as they once were. It can be hard in early sobriety to have patience while the brain heals, but there are some things that can make this process easier, including:
- Abstain from drugs and alcohol to avoid worsening the problem and having to restart
- Seek medical care for any underlying mental health or physical conditions that can affect mood, and comply with medication regimens
- Eat nutritious, healthy meals, get plenty of rest, and do some light to moderate exercise- it helps the body repair, which helps the brain to repair
- Seek sober support- it always helps to have a sympathetic ear
- Therapy– professionals can help navigate the difficult emotions of early recovery
from gracesway.com
Thanks Nonsensical.
Last edited by Dee74; 07-10-2018 at 05:28 PM.
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" the downward dip in the happiness graph doesn't happen unless there's the ability to choose not to drink."
and " the bad feelings from the craving only happen when i can drink but choose not to".
Radix, this suggests to me that you might find The Big Plan of Rational Recovery really useful. have you checked that out, in the AVRT forum threads farther down in the secular section?
and " the bad feelings from the craving only happen when i can drink but choose not to".
Radix, this suggests to me that you might find The Big Plan of Rational Recovery really useful. have you checked that out, in the AVRT forum threads farther down in the secular section?
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 142
Having a label or tag, to hide behind/blame is irrelevant when it comes to the real world and day to day living/sttihhle.
I see it as clutching at straws. Or are people actually trying to find something to hang on to???
I see it as clutching at straws. Or are people actually trying to find something to hang on to???
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
The experiences of many of us have shown that we get less vulnerable to triggers over time. Remember how I said triggers were dependent on context? Well, we change "coming home from work" from a time when we drink, to a time when we don't drink, and the triggering effect of walking in the door diminishes and then does away.
this ^^ right here is absolutely key to turning that corner in recovery, IMHO. or at least in MY experience. among other things i was a crack addict....and that is like trigger central.....EVERYTHING seemed to be a trigger back then....hell, trying to listen a baseball game....and Jones is up looking for his first base hit of the night......ha, aren't we all???
and i remember asking a recovery friend one day, when will they just be WORDS again? she paused and said...simply.....aren't they already??
aha. I'M the one that gave those words, or that street, or that parking lot or that song POWER. power to induce me to use.....
that is not to say that it was easy peasy to defuse my triggers....that took time, persistence, not using no matter what. that was me retraining my brain. investing in a better of way of living.
this ^^ right here is absolutely key to turning that corner in recovery, IMHO. or at least in MY experience. among other things i was a crack addict....and that is like trigger central.....EVERYTHING seemed to be a trigger back then....hell, trying to listen a baseball game....and Jones is up looking for his first base hit of the night......ha, aren't we all???
and i remember asking a recovery friend one day, when will they just be WORDS again? she paused and said...simply.....aren't they already??
aha. I'M the one that gave those words, or that street, or that parking lot or that song POWER. power to induce me to use.....
that is not to say that it was easy peasy to defuse my triggers....that took time, persistence, not using no matter what. that was me retraining my brain. investing in a better of way of living.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 278
Fini,
Yes, I read all of the Rational Recovery materials available online, and I bought and read the book. It spoke to me much more than the 12 steps (although I know the 12 steps have worked well for millions of people), and here I am, sober for the longest stretch of time in the past decade or more, and counting.
AnvilheadII, thanks, and I totally agree.
Yes, I read all of the Rational Recovery materials available online, and I bought and read the book. It spoke to me much more than the 12 steps (although I know the 12 steps have worked well for millions of people), and here I am, sober for the longest stretch of time in the past decade or more, and counting.
AnvilheadII, thanks, and I totally agree.
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