Curious about the process
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Curious about the process
Hey there guys,
So, this is just me ranting. I'm a binge drinker. I'm an alcoholic. This is out of discussion already.
Been that said, I have started in this horrible pattern to go to AA, I get sober for max three weeks and bam, back to square 1.
One of the worse things is that every time I relapse (If you could call it so because you don't really relapse until you have actually got sober), it's worse.
Yesterday I went to see a World Cup game. I was very conscious. At first I did not drink. Order a Sprite and a coffee. Then, after the game, my group decided to go for drinks. I decided. To drink and I was very aware that it was very wrong and did it anyway. I was fully aware of what I was doing.
This happens every three weeks, I'm I insane? I obviously have a terrible defect in my character. I think that hiding myself in my flat and not going out is not going to help. I'm on my late 20's and where I live, unfortunately, everything revolves around the night life.
How do I get passed these 3 weeks? Is it possible that maybe, I just can not get "cured", sober?
Tell me your experiences, it will be very helpful.
So, this is just me ranting. I'm a binge drinker. I'm an alcoholic. This is out of discussion already.
Been that said, I have started in this horrible pattern to go to AA, I get sober for max three weeks and bam, back to square 1.
One of the worse things is that every time I relapse (If you could call it so because you don't really relapse until you have actually got sober), it's worse.
Yesterday I went to see a World Cup game. I was very conscious. At first I did not drink. Order a Sprite and a coffee. Then, after the game, my group decided to go for drinks. I decided. To drink and I was very aware that it was very wrong and did it anyway. I was fully aware of what I was doing.
This happens every three weeks, I'm I insane? I obviously have a terrible defect in my character. I think that hiding myself in my flat and not going out is not going to help. I'm on my late 20's and where I live, unfortunately, everything revolves around the night life.
How do I get passed these 3 weeks? Is it possible that maybe, I just can not get "cured", sober?
Tell me your experiences, it will be very helpful.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I think that it's important to know that not everything revolves around the night life. Early recovery means facing some tough decisions to get past those three weeks. I had to make lifestyle changes to support my recovery and you might find the same thing. I simply could not be around people who were drinking for many months.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Hope1989 
How do I get passed these 3 weeks? Is it possible that maybe, I just can not get "cured", sober?
Is the thought that you are missing out so powerful that you decide drinking is better than not participating?
Have you fully accepted never, ever, drinking again? Kind of hard to commit to never drinking if, in the back of your mind, you haven't accepted never drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
How do I get passed these 3 weeks? Is it possible that maybe, I just can not get "cured", sober?
Tell me your experiences, it will be very helpful.
if by being cured you mean you can drink now and then with no negative consequences, an alcoholic cant do that.
my experience to get past 3 weeks was to go to AA AND work the steps.
have you decided you want what the program has to offer?
do you know what the program has to offer?
Tell me your experiences, it will be very helpful.
if by being cured you mean you can drink now and then with no negative consequences, an alcoholic cant do that.
my experience to get past 3 weeks was to go to AA AND work the steps.
have you decided you want what the program has to offer?
do you know what the program has to offer?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Have you got the numbers of some of the others in AA so you can call them. Maybe think about asking someone to be a temporary sponsor who can help you talk these situations through and learn from them / not get into them.
As others have said, the promises of AA don't say, if we get sober and go to meetings they'll come true. The promises come true when we work the 12-step program thoroughly. And that's the case whether we were very day drinkers who'd lost the lot, or binge drinkers who can feel their house of cards trembling and who can still use the words 'not yet' about losing everything.
Maybe three weeks is when you start feeling a bit confident / complacent / the novelty wears off? Something like that? A sponsor could help you figure that out and then suggest what to put in place to stop you repeating the same mistake.
I resisted changing anything other than removing alcohol for a while. Thing is, if we keep doing the same thing, chances are the same things will keep happening. Took me a while to realise that and get some willingness to change. We can be a stubborn old bunch.
If you want to work this out then it's possible. Keep at it.
BB
As others have said, the promises of AA don't say, if we get sober and go to meetings they'll come true. The promises come true when we work the 12-step program thoroughly. And that's the case whether we were very day drinkers who'd lost the lot, or binge drinkers who can feel their house of cards trembling and who can still use the words 'not yet' about losing everything.
Maybe three weeks is when you start feeling a bit confident / complacent / the novelty wears off? Something like that? A sponsor could help you figure that out and then suggest what to put in place to stop you repeating the same mistake.
I resisted changing anything other than removing alcohol for a while. Thing is, if we keep doing the same thing, chances are the same things will keep happening. Took me a while to realise that and get some willingness to change. We can be a stubborn old bunch.
If you want to work this out then it's possible. Keep at it.
BB
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Lots of good suggestions so far.
IMO if you have not had a drink in weeks you have been sober. Not for an extended period, but sober none the less.
Two things. I suggest that you take an honest look at your thinking just before you made the decision to drink on each one of the last several times you decided to take a drink. Write it down. Then when you find yourself thinking that way again have a plan for what to do next in order to avoid falling into the same trap.
Next I just have to disagree with you on something. Anna is correct. Not everything revolves around the night life. YOU have revolved around the night life, so it SEEMS like this is all there is. A fulfilling sober life involves finding meaning. That meaning is what life comes to revolve around.
May you find it.
All the best to you.
IMO if you have not had a drink in weeks you have been sober. Not for an extended period, but sober none the less.
Two things. I suggest that you take an honest look at your thinking just before you made the decision to drink on each one of the last several times you decided to take a drink. Write it down. Then when you find yourself thinking that way again have a plan for what to do next in order to avoid falling into the same trap.
Next I just have to disagree with you on something. Anna is correct. Not everything revolves around the night life. YOU have revolved around the night life, so it SEEMS like this is all there is. A fulfilling sober life involves finding meaning. That meaning is what life comes to revolve around.
May you find it.All the best to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Hope
I found posting and reading here daily helped me when I started rationalising I might be ok to drink again.
I also agree with Anna about changes and avoiding alcohol fuelled events - not for ever necessarily but at least until you can stay sober no matter what?
D
I found posting and reading here daily helped me when I started rationalising I might be ok to drink again.
I also agree with Anna about changes and avoiding alcohol fuelled events - not for ever necessarily but at least until you can stay sober no matter what?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Hey guys,
Thank you very much for the replies and advices.
I've relapsed so much everytime is harder to comeback. I feel so much shame in showing my face at AA meetings, I'm actually ashamed of going there and saying again like.. yeah I did it again.
Maybe people will think that I dont want to stop drinking, but I swear this is not the case.
But I'll try, I'll keep trying and who knows maybe someday, I'll get it right.
Thank you very much for the replies and advices.
I've relapsed so much everytime is harder to comeback. I feel so much shame in showing my face at AA meetings, I'm actually ashamed of going there and saying again like.. yeah I did it again.
Maybe people will think that I dont want to stop drinking, but I swear this is not the case.
But I'll try, I'll keep trying and who knows maybe someday, I'll get it right.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
I have a friend in the program who went to 16 treatment centers. He now has 11 years of sobriety. He just walked in a meeting one day after having tried every means known to mankind to stop drinking and said alcohol had kicked his butt, that he had lost everything meaningful in life, and he surrendered, that he was willing to do whatever it took to stop drinking. He got a real sponsor, pretty much stayed in meetings, read the BB, and sincerely worked the steps. I also got sober via the AA method and have remained sober for 20 years. So I followed all the directions because they told me half measures would avail me nothing. The program and the steps have worked miracles in my life. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
It's not hurting them that you keep showing back up. It's hurting you. They care about you, yeah, but only you can get honest about your drinking. If they could wave a magic wand and take the desire to drink away from you they would, but if you want what they have you have to take the actions they did to get what they got. Since I've been around so long, 20 years, I've seen a lot of people who wanted to want to but alcohol was still working for them so they won't stop. What I can say for me is in the end the pain got so bad I became willing to do whatever it took to stop drinking. I received what I've heard people talk about, the Gift of Desperation, translated to GOD.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Keep going to meetings. No one is going to judge you, cuz almost all of us have been where you are. Just keep going and be honest. I know so many people who were going to meetings and kept relapsing over and over and they were getting embarrassed and frustrated, but then one day it just clicks. Don't give up!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Just because your life has typically revolved around nightlife it does not mean that's all there is to life/life in your area. Consider you only know that side as that's what you've been focused on but there's an entire side you simply haven't seen yet. I spent pretty much my entire adult life hanging out and working in bars and nightclubs, until I sobered up it was the only thing I knew.
You don't have to give up these things forever but it's really hard to sober up if you are going out to drinking events with people who drink. It's really easy to feel like you are not connected with the group when you're the sober one of the bunch.
You don't have to give up these things forever but it's really hard to sober up if you are going out to drinking events with people who drink. It's really easy to feel like you are not connected with the group when you're the sober one of the bunch.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: North of the UK (one of the cold bits)
Posts: 672
Hi Hope. I decided that the AA route wasn't for me personally and I turned - still turn - to SR for support. However, that's me. You have already forged links with AA so maybe at least give it another go and if at some point you decide you want to give up sobriety and lose yourself to drink again perhaps ask yourself why, at that particular junction in time, you wish to pick up the bottle? Is there an identifiable trigger stopping you continuing with the program? Is it envy of other people who can drink? Boredom, (by the way, IMHO there definitely is more to life than nightlife)? Peer pressure? Whatever it is that keeps tipping you back will be easier slain if you can identify it and then work to either avoid/work through it - be that alone, with close friends/family or your chosen program.
As you've rightly said already - the main thing is to stop. No ifs or buts on that. Take care and I wish you strength to beat this. Please let us know how you're getting on. Yix x
As you've rightly said already - the main thing is to stop. No ifs or buts on that. Take care and I wish you strength to beat this. Please let us know how you're getting on. Yix x
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