TeeJayVerm

I came back to this forum a couple of months ago feeling enthusiastic and determined but the last couple of months have been anxiety riddled.

I have been off and on for the past couple of months and it has made me riddled with nerves. Sobriety makes me question things... my family relationships, my career, and my dreams! It kicks in my mid-life crisis in a big way and accelerates my aspirations to move from the Midwest to a Southern Climate.

It makes me want to live like my oldest daughter is really "living" as we speak, seeing all four corners of the US before age 19 and visiting her boyfriend in Seattle and going to college in Arizona. Then there are the dreams of my younger twins daughters... exploring Art, wanting to travel abroad, learning foreign languages, etc.

Then there is my hometown... my wife's hometown... parents and siblings who have planted their asses and never lived their dreams. Growing up in Wisconsin, where alcohol consumption is celebrated and part of the state culture.

In the end, I just want to live a sober life in the right climate... enjoying the ocean breezes and seeing the palm trees moving in the wind. This is my end game... Otherwise, I just don't see a life of sobriety in the Upper Midwest.

Thoughts? Let me have it if I am off the rails!

Dee74

Sounds like there might be two issues - alcoholism and a mid life crisis.

My mid life crisis was about me not wanting to be a drunken goof off anymore so I'm not sure I can help there,. but if you're waiting for the right place or the right time to quit for good, it will probably never come.

I had to accept my sobriety had to work 24/7 - regardless of whether I was
feeling good bad or indifferent.

If you're questioning things sober try not to freak out - you have no imperative to act unless you want to

I was a million different people my first 90 days - I recommend you at least wait that long before make any huge changes.

D

Wastinglife

I can certainly relate. I have been in my own mid-life crisis. I am 41 now and lost. I suppose it has been this way for over 5 years. Anxiety and my alcoholism are really a huge obstacle for me. Not to mention a mental disorder (ADHD). I am stuck in never-ending cycle. But not giving up. Stay strong!

DontRemember

I SLOWED DOWN when I stopped drinking/drugging.. My 13+yr relationship didn't last when I quit drinking,but I'm cool with that..It was a very toxic thing. But, once I started seeing people and things at face value,with a clear mind, everything just seemed to fall in place. There is the weird life stuff that happens to eveyone,but without the chaos of drinking in the mix..life is way more manageable. We complicate the uncomplicated when in active addiction/habit/whatever.

Nonsensical

BEING HUMAN makes me question things.
ALCOHOL let me hide from the questions for a while.
SOBRIETY let's me find some of the answers.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

TeeJayVerm

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart.

My plans to make my "big move" are 12-24 months away to allow me to curb my alcohol consumption, become physically fit, and get to a normal weight. Therefore, no immediate plans to make radical changes.

I just think (against the advice of my mentor) that it is time to get truly honest with my significant other.

Unfortunately, my sobriety is going to make me question things and really challenge our relationship. Without getting into too may specifics, sobriety makes me want her to address many of her own personal issues (e.g., self-esteem issues she thinks is out of her control). Accepting the normalcy of our dysfunctional extended families and her general codependency are other examples.

Don't get me wrong, I have also struggled with self esteem issues and past issues with my childhood experience and family. Regardless, I don't think that my sobriety will be complete and sustainable unless I also address these other personal issues head-on.

Dee74

You said curb my alcohol consumption - was that a Freudian slip?

Curb would mean cut back/not quite quit where I come from

D

TeeJayVerm

How about "cliff" my alcohol consumption?

I really did mean "quit". I have never woke up after a night sleep after not drinking the day before and said "I really wish I would have drank last night." In the other situation after excess consumption... total regret... beating myself up... starting my day off on the wrong foot.

least

Make good use of the support here to stay sober.

StellaBlu

Hi TeeJay, Sober or not, IMO it's valid to consider where you want to live. I grew up in Lake effect snow regions of upstate NY. And after moving away to more milder climates I realized that I'm not a cold weather person. I enjoy throwing my running shoes on and taking off for a run any time of the year without worrying about whether a blizzard is coming.

Best to you.

TeeJayVerm

Thanks StellaBlu!! I'm so happy others empathize with my angst about the climate I grew up in. It gives me hope!

TeeJayVerm

I'm going to put these inspirational words on a canvas, frame it, and hang it on my wall!

Gottalife

Palm treea and warm climate? That's my life today and for the past few years. It is definitley possible.

TeeJayVerm