LoneWolf04

Thank you all so much. This has been very helpful, I keep re-reading the posts.. I suppose my biggest challenge is feeling OK with my own self. In the periods of sobriety I managed, I think I ended up basing my 'being sober and ok' on something like my job, my marriage (which is coming to an end) - basically if I do well at work, I can allow myself to feel ok, etc. But now I realise this is going against step 2 and 3 big time. I am trying to control the outcomes... self will run riot I guess

Buckley3

Brother, you aren't alone in that struggle. I catch myself in the trap too. More often than I like to admit.

So far though, something that works for me, is to think of my sobriety as a doorway. I know that I may slip back into old patterns of behavior and old stinkin' thinking, etc. But as long as I keep that door open there will be progress.

If I should ever drink again, that door slams shut and things get very dark very quickly.

So yea, I guess just know that even when it sucks and the bastards have us down or our own thinking has us down we just have to remember that at least we're feeling something and not numbing ourselves into oblivion. Maybe it's called living? What the hell do I know...

Stick around. Brush it off. Learn. You got this.

-B