I Miss Her
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by icewater1961 
I lost my father a few years ago. He was in the hospital five days but I could not get there because there was a huge snow storm and planes were not flying. I told him on the phone that he was a good dad and I loved him. He said thank you. I did go to the funeral. Drinking did not take the pain away. It was my crutch but I know that wherever my dad or his spirit is, he would prefer me sober. Hugs!
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by biminiblue
I've lost both my parents. My dad died on my 16th birthday. The death really impacted me in a very bad way and led to many years of self-destructive behavior. One day I had had enough of the self-inflicted misery and wanted to let it go. I was angry and there had been a lot left unresolved.
I wrote him a letter.
I bought one of those big Mylar balloons and went to my favorite beach. I read (him) the letter. I tied it to the balloon and let it go and cried for ten minutes while I watched it drift up to the clouds. That was it for me.
Maybe some little ritual like that might help. It put an end date to my inner conflict. After that I didn't cry over it again. I had put it in the past with acceptance.
I wrote him a letter.
I bought one of those big Mylar balloons and went to my favorite beach. I read (him) the letter. I tied it to the balloon and let it go and cried for ten minutes while I watched it drift up to the clouds. That was it for me.
Maybe some little ritual like that might help. It put an end date to my inner conflict. After that I didn't cry over it again. I had put it in the past with acceptance.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by jcchild
Yes, you are right. I need to change my focus. It's going to be hard but I must if I'm going to make it. I'm sorry that you and your mom weren't close but I'm glad you are close with your daughter. I don't have children so I'm a little envious of you. 😊
This may sound totally crazy but I have a friend who hasn't had children. She took the leap to foster, not one but 2 children. She's had them for two years. They see her parents and there are 'back up' foster parents too which I never knew was a 'thing'. In other words, babysitters etc. I was considering doing this when my daughter leaves. But now it appears I'll be care giving for my parents in 2019, assuming they are still alive and able to live at home...they are quite old. Anywhoo, I'm hardly promoting foster parenting but there is always a way to be of service to kids that have been abandoned.
Hang in there!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by biminiblue
I've lost both my parents. My dad died on my 16th birthday. The death really impacted me in a very bad way and led to many years of self-destructive behavior. One day I had had enough of the self-inflicted misery and wanted to let it go. I was angry and there had been a lot left unresolved.
I wrote him a letter.
I bought one of those big Mylar balloons and went to my favorite beach. I read (him) the letter. I tied it to the balloon and let it go and cried for ten minutes while I watched it drift up to the clouds. That was it for me.
Maybe some little ritual like that might help. It put an end date to my inner conflict. After that I didn't cry over it again. I had put it in the past with acceptance.
I wrote him a letter.
I bought one of those big Mylar balloons and went to my favorite beach. I read (him) the letter. I tied it to the balloon and let it go and cried for ten minutes while I watched it drift up to the clouds. That was it for me.
Maybe some little ritual like that might help. It put an end date to my inner conflict. After that I didn't cry over it again. I had put it in the past with acceptance.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by jcchild
On my way to my first AA meeting...I'm praying that this is one of many steps I'll take toward sobriety.
You got this.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
my dad died in '95. i stayed drunk for 3 years straight. only stopped because i got pneumonia. then back at it.
it got worse.
when i walked into the rooms of AA in 2005-ready and wanting help- i was able to learn and also grieve properly.
the actions made it possible to be my mothers caregiver until her death in 2013.
i was able to grieve properly without any thought of wanting a drink to try and help.
however, grieving isnt something a person goes through and its over. it can come up at any time. its quite a blessing to feel with a clear head.
it got worse.
when i walked into the rooms of AA in 2005-ready and wanting help- i was able to learn and also grieve properly.
the actions made it possible to be my mothers caregiver until her death in 2013.
i was able to grieve properly without any thought of wanting a drink to try and help.
however, grieving isnt something a person goes through and its over. it can come up at any time. its quite a blessing to feel with a clear head.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
I am so sorry for your loss, jcchild.
I lost my Dad when I was young; it was a difficult and painful loss. That was long before my alcoholic days so I was. able to grieve in a healthy fashion.
I lost a young sibling, too, - an event I drank through. The grieving process was much more difficult; that loss remained unresolved for many years due to my drinking. It wasn't until I found sobriety and recovery that I found as much acceptance and resolution as us possible.
I am very glad that you are here with us.
I lost my Dad when I was young; it was a difficult and painful loss. That was long before my alcoholic days so I was. able to grieve in a healthy fashion.
I lost a young sibling, too, - an event I drank through. The grieving process was much more difficult; that loss remained unresolved for many years due to my drinking. It wasn't until I found sobriety and recovery that I found as much acceptance and resolution as us possible.
I am very glad that you are here with us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by tomsteve
my dad died in '95. i stayed drunk for 3 years straight. only stopped because i got pneumonia. then back at it.
it got worse.
when i walked into the rooms of AA in 2005-ready and wanting help- i was able to learn and also grieve properly.
the actions made it possible to be my mothers caregiver until her death in 2013.
i was able to grieve properly without any thought of wanting a drink to try and help.
however, grieving isnt something a person goes through and its over. it can come up at any time. its quite a blessing to feel with a clear head.
it got worse.
when i walked into the rooms of AA in 2005-ready and wanting help- i was able to learn and also grieve properly.
the actions made it possible to be my mothers caregiver until her death in 2013.
i was able to grieve properly without any thought of wanting a drink to try and help.
however, grieving isnt something a person goes through and its over. it can come up at any time. its quite a blessing to feel with a clear head.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
I am so sorry for your loss, jcchild.
I lost my Dad when I was young; it was a difficult and painful loss. That was long before my alcoholic days so I was. able to grieve in a healthy fashion.
I lost a young sibling, too, - an event I drank through. The grieving process was much more difficult; that loss remained unresolved for many years due to my drinking. It wasn't until I found sobriety and recovery that I found as much acceptance and resolution as us possible.
I am very glad that you are here with us.
I lost my Dad when I was young; it was a difficult and painful loss. That was long before my alcoholic days so I was. able to grieve in a healthy fashion.
I lost a young sibling, too, - an event I drank through. The grieving process was much more difficult; that loss remained unresolved for many years due to my drinking. It wasn't until I found sobriety and recovery that I found as much acceptance and resolution as us possible.
I am very glad that you are here with us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by MariahGayle
So glad you ar here & postin jcchild.....you are not alone in this & sending thoughts of strength & Love. You can do this!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by jcchild
I'm just trying to find the courage to do it in a healthy way free from alcohol.
grieving requires feeling. feelings cant kill us.
alcohol can.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by tomsteve
i think the courage to get help to get sober and in recovery should come before the courage to grieve without alcohol.
grieving requires feeling. feelings cant kill us.
alcohol can.
grieving requires feeling. feelings cant kill us.
alcohol can.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by jcchild
However, I'm nervous about tomorrow...
i was having a rough day a few months in- got a case of the f-its.
but called my sponsor that evening.
"tom(his name was tom,too)im having a bad day and am off to the store for a 12 pack but callin ya first."
"tom, theres only a few hours left in the day. why not hold off until tomorrow. just dont drink for the rest of today. then tomorrow, if you feel like drinking, go ahead, but call me first."
sounded good to me.
tomorrow evening came and i was dead set on drinking, but called my sponsor before heading to the store.
" i made it through the night and you said if i felt like drinking tomorrow to go ahead but call ya first. its toimorrow and im heading out."
"********. its not tomorrow. its today. just dont drink today....."
it FINALLY clicked that getting sober is a one day at a time thing-today.
don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
IF you have any alcohol in the house, dump it,eh?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
its not tomorrow. its today. just dont drink today....."
it FINALLY clicked that getting sober is a one day at a time thing-today.
don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
IF you have any alcohol in the house, dump it,eh?
***********************
I love this. Thanks for the reminder. I rarely drink at home and I don't have any alcohol in the house. I am (was) a barfly.
it FINALLY clicked that getting sober is a one day at a time thing-today.
don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
IF you have any alcohol in the house, dump it,eh?
***********************
I love this. Thanks for the reminder. I rarely drink at home and I don't have any alcohol in the house. I am (was) a barfly.
Beautifully Broken
Join Date: May 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 47
How are you doing today JCchild?
Thanks for everyone sharing their stories. It is amazing how fragile life is. How complicated relationships are.
How beautifully broken we can all be.
But it’s what makes us who we are.
I pray you continue to seek help here. I stayed on SR constantly when I got sober back in 2012.
I read posts until I found the courage to stop and sharing my struggles helped me & helped others.
It’s truly like family.
I’m glad you found us.
Thanks for everyone sharing their stories. It is amazing how fragile life is. How complicated relationships are.
How beautifully broken we can all be.
But it’s what makes us who we are.
I pray you continue to seek help here. I stayed on SR constantly when I got sober back in 2012.
I read posts until I found the courage to stop and sharing my struggles helped me & helped others.
It’s truly like family.
I’m glad you found us.
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