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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
First Post
Thank you for having me. The last few years have often been hell and we've been married for over 40. My spouse has an addictive personality. Whether it be cigarettes, alcohol, social media or the past. She's easily addicted to all. I came to this forum after searching "are alcoholics lazy". My spouse rarely does much of anything in terms of housework. I do it all. She can't even rinse out a cup. She's a grown child who chooses not to pick up after herself. She's very good at obtaining things and then expecting me to take over ownership of whatever it is whether I like it or not. She often tells me that she is damaged goods. That's her excuse for not doing. Never good enough. She is not interested in stopping her drinking. She's been to a few recovery centers that did not really help. I think it's time to save myself. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Welcome to SR, dinosaurus; I am very sorry for what brings you here but am very glad you found us.
It is time to save yourself. Maybe, you could start by attending Alanon meetings for support.
Stay close to SR, too. We care very much.
Maybe check out the Friends and Families forum here, also. Many wise and experienced folks there.
You deserve a happy and peaceful life.
It is time to save yourself. Maybe, you could start by attending Alanon meetings for support.
Stay close to SR, too. We care very much.
Maybe check out the Friends and Families forum here, also. Many wise and experienced folks there.
You deserve a happy and peaceful life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 129
Your situation sounds very tough and I’m sorry for that. Al-Anon is a good place to go for support, for sure. I wish you all the best and I say to you wholeheartedly as a (recovering alcoholic myself): I truly believe that there’s an amoral and useless aspect peculiar to the character of every active, unrecovered alcoholic that can make us almost impossible to deal or live with, never mind to love. All my best to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Hi Dinosaurus and welcome to SR 
I'm really sorry. I had a long period of time where I was not much different than your wife. I know I made my partner's life a living hell. I never meant to at the time but I sure didn't know much better.
I agree with the other posters and you. All you can do is do everything you can to take the best care of yourself. Al-anon is a wonderful support group. I have been- my partner was also an alcoholic.
There are other options like therapy... please do take care of yourself.
You probably know this well already, you can't change her. Or help her unless shes ready to and even then- your priority must always be you.
Hang in there. You have been strong so long- you definitely deserve some peace and breathing room You just have to do a little work for yourself to get there.
Del
I'm really sorry. I had a long period of time where I was not much different than your wife. I know I made my partner's life a living hell. I never meant to at the time but I sure didn't know much better.
I agree with the other posters and you. All you can do is do everything you can to take the best care of yourself. Al-anon is a wonderful support group. I have been- my partner was also an alcoholic.
There are other options like therapy... please do take care of yourself.
You probably know this well already, you can't change her. Or help her unless shes ready to and even then- your priority must always be you.
Hang in there. You have been strong so long- you definitely deserve some peace and breathing room
You just have to do a little work for yourself to get there. Del
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