Day 101 & started step 4
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 100
Day 101 & started step 4
It has been a strange thing being sober for so long. I have had a pretty tough time as I am healing from the breakup of my ex girl and quitting booze the same day.
Haven't heard anything from the girl and the voice of booze was quiet pretty soon after quitting. It wasnt easy to give either up but as time progresses I know I miss the girl more.
Sometimes I feel healed and recovered from booze and the girl, but I attend daily meetings and they are something I look forward to. Everyone knows my name, a couple of people are becoming regular who have maybe a week or two of sobriety and I dont feel so new anymore.
Feel like step four wasnt as bad as I made it out to be... Need to speak to my sponsor as although I have spent time writing down what I could think of, I was certain there would be more and worse. Perhaps demonising myself and being overly self critical has just been my mantra for so long it is difficult to accept Im not the pos I always believed I was?
Still running every day, missed two days since jan 27th, one as i was in hospital and the other due to injury. Have a meeting in 90 minutes and trying to figure out how to fill my time after I dont go every night. I know that I wont and dont have to go every night but the 90 in 90 is what Im gunning for, perhaps two weeks off of that.
Its amazing how much time was totally and utterly full of drinking. Just wasting my days... Just drinking... And I thought I was happy with it until last year.
As more time progresses its dawning on me why the advice is to not make major decisions in the first year. I am truly learning just who the hell I am as a sober man. A sober man who is resolute to never drink again - thats a first for me. I think in the back of my mind I had the delusion of 'going back one day, after enough time and learning I can drink like a normal person...' - the meetings will never stop!
I do miss the girl but Im so proud that I have realised she has been hurt enough. The last thing she needs is me contacting her. I get that now. I think when I come to make amends I will not contact her. I FEEL in my heart, this is the perfect amend. I will discuss with my sponsor but respecting she has made her decision about us is very appropriate.
She knows how to get hold of me if that time ever arises. '... accept the things I cannot change'.
Letting go.
Handing it over.
Best wishes to all and thank you to those of you who have guided me in the past few months. My head needed your words, wisdom and understanding.
Haven't heard anything from the girl and the voice of booze was quiet pretty soon after quitting. It wasnt easy to give either up but as time progresses I know I miss the girl more.
Sometimes I feel healed and recovered from booze and the girl, but I attend daily meetings and they are something I look forward to. Everyone knows my name, a couple of people are becoming regular who have maybe a week or two of sobriety and I dont feel so new anymore.
Feel like step four wasnt as bad as I made it out to be... Need to speak to my sponsor as although I have spent time writing down what I could think of, I was certain there would be more and worse. Perhaps demonising myself and being overly self critical has just been my mantra for so long it is difficult to accept Im not the pos I always believed I was?
Still running every day, missed two days since jan 27th, one as i was in hospital and the other due to injury. Have a meeting in 90 minutes and trying to figure out how to fill my time after I dont go every night. I know that I wont and dont have to go every night but the 90 in 90 is what Im gunning for, perhaps two weeks off of that.
Its amazing how much time was totally and utterly full of drinking. Just wasting my days... Just drinking... And I thought I was happy with it until last year.
As more time progresses its dawning on me why the advice is to not make major decisions in the first year. I am truly learning just who the hell I am as a sober man. A sober man who is resolute to never drink again - thats a first for me. I think in the back of my mind I had the delusion of 'going back one day, after enough time and learning I can drink like a normal person...' - the meetings will never stop!
I do miss the girl but Im so proud that I have realised she has been hurt enough. The last thing she needs is me contacting her. I get that now. I think when I come to make amends I will not contact her. I FEEL in my heart, this is the perfect amend. I will discuss with my sponsor but respecting she has made her decision about us is very appropriate.
She knows how to get hold of me if that time ever arises. '... accept the things I cannot change'.
Letting go.
Handing it over.
Best wishes to all and thank you to those of you who have guided me in the past few months. My head needed your words, wisdom and understanding.
Last edited by Kejun; 05-01-2018 at 01:28 AM. Reason: Spelling :P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 100
It is strange, the days have just plodded on and I have taken my coins, revelled in my milestones and feel like a totally new man.
This is tempered with the heartbreak still!
I find myself wondering about her thoughts but remind myself it really doesnt matter. I can only look inwards and work on me. Trying my best to be patient with my own healing on all fronts and forgive myself for pains I have caused to others.
In fact, I left a meeting early last night because a member brings along her kid who is perhaps 10, he creates so much noise at the back and it is difficult to concentrate on the shares let alone hear them! The member in question chooses to mildly attempt to ask the lad to quieten down and ofcourse, nothing happens.
I had shared earlier and knew that I needed to leave, resentment was building! - Felt awful and as though I did the right thing at the same time. Very odd!
This is tempered with the heartbreak still!
I find myself wondering about her thoughts but remind myself it really doesnt matter. I can only look inwards and work on me. Trying my best to be patient with my own healing on all fronts and forgive myself for pains I have caused to others.
In fact, I left a meeting early last night because a member brings along her kid who is perhaps 10, he creates so much noise at the back and it is difficult to concentrate on the shares let alone hear them! The member in question chooses to mildly attempt to ask the lad to quieten down and ofcourse, nothing happens.
I had shared earlier and knew that I needed to leave, resentment was building! - Felt awful and as though I did the right thing at the same time. Very odd!
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 104
Kejun, thank you for this beautiful post. And big congratulations on 101 days! It sounds like you are well on your way to building the life that you want and deserve. I am sending you lots of warm wishes. Keep going. You are doing great. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 100
Thank you for your replies - they mean a lot.
Reading a self-help book "Feel the fear and do it anyway" and it has been quite inspirational. There is so much to be positive and grateful for and I wish that my mind would remain in that positive space for good! In time
The thought of drinking has never been further from my mind and I know without question, this is due to the effort put into recovery.
Love sober me!!!
Reading a self-help book "Feel the fear and do it anyway" and it has been quite inspirational. There is so much to be positive and grateful for and I wish that my mind would remain in that positive space for good! In time
The thought of drinking has never been further from my mind and I know without question, this is due to the effort put into recovery.
Love sober me!!!
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