Dee74

HI KG

I tried to stop for 15 years.

What worked in the end was being totally, almost fanatically, committed to never drinking again.

You have to accept that you and alcohol have a toxic relationship and always will.

Taking drinking off the table - no matter what - as a viable option - sounds scary, and it is... but it's freeing too.

D

KG77

I didn't want to think the only thing keeping me from drinking was antabuse. But maybe it was... I had to stop taking it because my liver enzymes shot up while i was taking it. And I've been drinking since I stopped. I don't know what to do. I know I need to stop and I want to... But I'm failing miserably.

KG77

My alarm is going to go off in 30 minutes and I've been up all night. I have to go to work today but I really wish I didn't. Today is going to stink.

Rar

Good Morning KG. I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. There are very wise folks here on SR who have some great advice. I hope you find the strength and determination to stay sober. Today will be tough for you, but you'll make it through. When you get home, you and your husband can make plans for maybe rehab.

Hang in there.

KG77

Thank you. You're absolutely right. The people here are amazing. And very helpful.

Daisybelle

Thinking about you today KG, with you every step of the way.

xxx

doggonecarl

I'm sure you are trying to quit. But your addiction is trying harder.

And succeeding.

lessgravity

My god how many times I have taken my self through this. The shakiness, the nausea (often violently sick with the shower on in hopes my family didn't hear), the crushing anxiety of having to face the day, dread, fear, shame.

And then to get through the day with clenched teeth. Some times the anxiety would overwhelm so much I would have to rush out of the office to walk around the block several times. To no avail of course.

Vomiting in public bathrooms.

Unable to eat all day and even into the night.

Couldn't look colleagues or strangers in the eye.

And then, of course, the sickness of addiction that I was giving into, I'd find a way to get another bottle that evening. Maybe be alone so that I could pass out in all my grossness on the couch. Or maybe I would have my family around so I would attempt to maintain some kind of semblance of cognition and competence. Just lies lies and betrayal throughout it all.

It's not easy but it's all there is - to leave that poison behind.

I hope you can put it down KG.

There's nothing there for us. And we've paid enough.

Fly N Buy

The gift of desperation allowed me a moment of grace that lead to sobriety after 3 + decades of drinking. WE stay sober, I drink.

Lean on the resources you need, make a decision and take action! Nothing special here, just was ready.

Never say never.....

Hevyn

KG - So many good things have already been said - I just want to send you some love & encouragement. I know you can do this because I did it after 30 yrs. of drinking. I was a daily drinker, & it was in my system all the time in the end. I was a shaking, anxious, terrified mess - it was no longer fun - but a necessity. I was completely dependent on it. I realized I wanted to live - to feel hope, excitement, & enthusiasm again. You can do it, KG. We're with you.

red3215

I promise you there are sober people today who were much further gone than you are.
You sound serious to me. I don't know what you're doing for recovery but a lot of time EVERY DAY really needs to be spent working on your alcoholism because it can be stronger than our own will.

I committed to spending several hours every day-ideally an hour in the morning, another mid-day, and then at night. Mostly that meant reading or writing on this board, making a list of reasons I wanted to stop and re-reading that, watching youtube videos about the bad effects of alcohol/alcoholism, and making sure to never dwell on a desire to drink.

Also I strongly suggest getting the book Rational Recovery and also the Big Book from AA. These popular books contradict each other a lot but that can be good because you can pick and choose what parts work for you. Bill's Story from the Big Book was extremely
helpful to me, even though I'm not in the AA program.

Underline anything that resonates with you or that you think will help you most, and re-read those parts again and again, every day.

Wishing you (and your husband) the best

Dee74

hows it going KG?

D

KG77

Good. I made it through the day, although I have now been awake for over 24 hours. I am starting to feel human again. I forced my self to eat today even though I had little appetite. I'm resting and watching tv and reading posts. Ill probably try and go to sleep soon. Thanks for all the support. 24 hours down.

Dee74

Yay

D