Weasel1966

I woke thinking about a friend who is struggling. Struggling to the point that the thought of not being here came to him as an option, be it a serious thought or not. So I wanted to share.

I remember a moment 13 years ago sitting in my red truck with the engine running, the windows open and the garage door closed. Every sense I had became hyper aware. I heard every churn of the engine release another puff of exhaust that seemed to slow as I listened to them.

Addiction does two things to me seemingly at the same time. It makes me think I have only one choice and it crushes me with too many choices. Drugs and alcohol asked me so many questions at such high speed my mind could not function. More, sex, higher, faster, no sex, slow, more… always more.

In recovery people were always reminding me that I needed to be on the right path. Or that I needed to find my sober path, like someone or something was going to hold my hand to this place where if I walked there would be no cravings or people asking me for drugs. But what always frustrated me when people talked about the path was where the hell is this path? What is it and why can everyone else seem to find it and I can’t? I got pissed, you know, I wasn’t stupid but I felt a failure in recovery for many years because I could not find what others seeed to see so easily.

Then I started to put things together. Simple things. Like if I choose to change my phone number then my crack dealer can’t call me. If I decide to skip the bar and go see a sober friend that I might drink less or not at all. If I went to a meeting then I was not drinking for that hour.

Free will is something we all have. It means there is always two or more choices at all times. All times! That’s the rule. A rule that can never be broken. It’s how we find our path. Even addicts like me, poor people, sad people have two or more choices at all times. This is the rule that got me sober because it was the one that I could trust when I couldn’t trust myself or the people around me. I had choices. I have a path.

No matter how much sober time I have, it’s up to me every moment of the day to create my path toward or away from my addictions. I try to walk not to close along side them since I know they will never go away. But I don’t need to intersect with them ever again. My path and my addictive voices path need not cross. I always have a choice.

K

Teetotaler56

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Weasel1966. I am on day one (again) of quitting alcohol. This reminder that I have two choices ---- whether to drink or not to drink, and many choices of things to do rather than drink ---- is going to help so much!

Also, you're right...it's up to us every moment of every day to make the right choice. Thank you!

saoutchik

Fantastic post Weasel.

For us addicts it's those things we can do, the small steps that get us through the next hour and that move marginally further away from our addictions that are important. All of us crave our poison at some point or other but instead of enduring the craving we can choose to something as simple as going for a walk until the craving goes away. You might have to do that every day to begin with but that's no hardship.

I'm thinking of your friend too and am glad that he reached out.

Dee74

Thanks for sharing that Ken. Best thoughts and wishes for your friend.

D

Gilmer

That is such a helpful post, Weasel. Thank you!

yinzer

Thank you, Weasel. Glad you’ve had the last 13 years to make choices.

Buckley3

Great post. Thank you.

40+ days in and this specific line resonates with me greatly. I am very much in the midst of dealing with this.

I never understood it before as a facet of my alcoholism. I always thought it was "just me." It gives me great hope to know now that it IS my alcoholism and that I can do something about that.

Thanks again for the perspective!

-B

Nonsensical

Always a treat to read your words my friend.

Weasel1966

Congrats on 40+ days Buckley!!! Keep going. It so worth it.

Nons!!! I always smile when I see you are posting. Hope you and the family are well. Not been around for awhile but close to many on here still and find amazing support in each friendhship I made on SR. Grateful beyond belief.

Thanks for reading my post SR. This place has saved me time and time again. The little monikers and avatars you see have real people behind them. Many with lots of experience to share if you need it.

Time to check my pot roast. Some things never change.

K

SoberLeigh

Wonderful post, Weasel.

Thank you.

MIRecovery

Wonderful post. If we look at each one of our choices and evaluate the choice as to, “Is this choice moving me toward or away from sobriety.” Then things become much easier. My choice today was to go to a meeting and talk to another alcoholic, read recovery literature, pray, and post on SR. As far as I know I haven’t taken any steps toward drinking.

Weasel1966

So good to see you SoberLeigh and MIRecovery!!

I agree MIR, all steps were toward life!

MIRecovery

Even cooking a pot roast is a step toward sobriety. For me idle hands are the devils workshop. In my book cooking a nice meal sure beats drinking.

Weasel1966

And I cannot even describe how wonderfully tasty this house smells at the moment MIR. I agree. I used cooking while I was deep in crack addiction as a way to feel normal. It was an element of what saved me. It soothes me now and it is certainly a step I love to take. I know crack and eating dont agree. But I found moments that told me there was more past where I was. Today is proof!

MidnightBlue

Thank you for sharing this, Ken.

Smalls things make all the difference.