Tonyt53

I have been married for 28-years. We met and a month later, were married. We had children and one day i realized that I did't love me wife. It has become very difficult to continue on, and at times I believe my drinking stem from being in an unhappy home.the stress is unbearable. So lately i been thinking about divorcing my wife and distancing myself from my mooching adult kids. Sign, suffering

WIwoman

I don't think that's a bad idea if your marriage isn't working, but probably not a cure all. In other words, don't just get divorced because you will think it will stop you from drinking.

I was convinced changing jobs, changing towns, changing houses, ending relationships would be the thing that got me to stop. Maybe ending your relationship will reduce your stress and make you happier (and easier to make a plan to get on a sober path), but it's unlikely going to reduce your desire to drink.

Ladysadie

Your drinking is a choice, same as your marriage. Sounds like you have a lot to think about.

Hopefully you'll be able to make responsible decisions on where you go from here, if not perhaps counseling (life coach?) can help you figure out the changes you may want to make with your life. If you are miserable I dare say the rest of your family would be as well. If children are adults, it might be the best time to move on.

duane1

Are you still drinking? The way you feel about others may be directly tied to alcohol.

Gottalife

Alcoholism and relationships are unrelated. Divorcing your wife will not stop you drinking. Plenty of people try that sort of thing, picking on anything external, like wife, job, kids, town they live in, bad company on and on. They get rid of the offender, or change towns or whatever to remove the external influence and guess what... they are still drinking.

Conversely, when they get on and treat the internal condition which is alcoholism, the world begins to look entirely different, and they get to deal with the real issues which, strangely enough, are not external. There are those who get sober and then decide to divorce, but that decision is based on seeing the truth of a situation rather than some picture clouded with the fog of self pity and alcoholism.

Whether you should divorce is beyond our expertise. It is between you, your wife, and God. However we can help if you want to stop drinking.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Tony

I'd recommend stopping drinking first - like others have said you may see things differently after a few months.

I was a million different people when I was drinking and first got sober.

It would be good to have a consistent emotional level to work from - it really aids perspective.

D

Tonyt53

Thanks!!

Tonyt53

Thanks!!

Tonyt53

I stopped for 11-years and was still unhappy. Maybe my feelings are a little more intense, considering everything that is going on right bow, but something has to give.

Tonyt53

I have had this feeling for a long time. Even during 11- years of sobriety. I just feel that it is time for me to look out for myself and stop looking out for others. In understand that people, places and things will not stop me from drinking, but on the road to sobriety I feel I must remove myself from people who are only concerned about themselves. I'll digress, and focus on staying sober and let the cards fall where they may.

Ladysadie

Put you first, particularly when you are on the sober healthy path. Your job is to live your best life, have no regrets. 11 years of sobriety and trying to make a relationship work is a lot to invest. At least you know you tried.

DontRemember

When I decided to stop drinking my relationship had to go. I understand the 'she didn't make me drink' thing,but...to continue on like that...I had to drink. If you're unhappy bounce with dignity.

Dee74

Looks like you're pretty much leaning one way.
Whatever you decide I wish you well Tony

D