New here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 16
New here
Hello. Today I am 14 days sober and proud. The first week was horrible. I felt awful physically and could not sleep. I've had the nightmares, the slipping up and drinking dreams, anxiety, anger, frustration, shame, despair, headaches, itchiness, etc.
I ate enough sugary foods last week to last me a lifetime!
I come from a long line of alcoholics on both sides of my family. I guess if I were to place a label on myself it would be "high functioning alcoholic"...but alcoholic nonetheless. I'll soon be turning 42 years old and I'm definitely feeling the emotional effects of long term drinking. I've been suffering from increasing anxiety and depression for several years now. 2 bottles of wine every other night was my vice. Enough to cause me to get into regular fights with my husband and not be the fully present mom I want to be. I decided to stop because I'm not getting any younger and my tolerance has definitely been getting higher. My father passed away at 57 years old from the damage he did to his heart and other organs with alcohol. I don't want that to end up being me.
I've tried to stop drinking several times over the years. I've always abstained throughout my pregnancies but the longest I've gone other than that is 11 days. Something definitely feels different this time. I'm just so sick of drinking. I'm sick of needing it to "calm my nerves" ...a.k.a. tap out. I don't like the person I was becoming. The person justifying how much wine I was drinking bc of xyz. The person embarrased about all of the wine bottles in the recycling every week. The person who started regularly fighting with my husband and not giving the kids my 100%. The person who was at the store every other day buying 2 bottles of wine and who started considering going back to the store for a 3rd bottle. I see the road I was heading down and it's not ok with me.
I've been reading the posts in these forums for the past 2 weeks. It has helped me tremendously with what feels like a very lonely journey right now. I am grateful to you all.
(Not sure I've posted this in the correct place and not sure how to delete...)
I ate enough sugary foods last week to last me a lifetime!
I come from a long line of alcoholics on both sides of my family. I guess if I were to place a label on myself it would be "high functioning alcoholic"...but alcoholic nonetheless. I'll soon be turning 42 years old and I'm definitely feeling the emotional effects of long term drinking. I've been suffering from increasing anxiety and depression for several years now. 2 bottles of wine every other night was my vice. Enough to cause me to get into regular fights with my husband and not be the fully present mom I want to be. I decided to stop because I'm not getting any younger and my tolerance has definitely been getting higher. My father passed away at 57 years old from the damage he did to his heart and other organs with alcohol. I don't want that to end up being me.
I've tried to stop drinking several times over the years. I've always abstained throughout my pregnancies but the longest I've gone other than that is 11 days. Something definitely feels different this time. I'm just so sick of drinking. I'm sick of needing it to "calm my nerves" ...a.k.a. tap out. I don't like the person I was becoming. The person justifying how much wine I was drinking bc of xyz. The person embarrased about all of the wine bottles in the recycling every week. The person who started regularly fighting with my husband and not giving the kids my 100%. The person who was at the store every other day buying 2 bottles of wine and who started considering going back to the store for a 3rd bottle. I see the road I was heading down and it's not ok with me.
I've been reading the posts in these forums for the past 2 weeks. It has helped me tremendously with what feels like a very lonely journey right now. I am grateful to you all.
(Not sure I've posted this in the correct place and not sure how to delete...)
Last edited by Breakingcycles; 03-18-2018 at 09:04 PM. Reason: Not sure I put this in the right place
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Welcome to SR, Breakingcycles; so glad that you found us.
Tired and heading off to bed but saw your post and wanted to welcome you.
You will find so much support, understanding and encouragement here. I hope that you find what so very many of us have:
That living in sobriety and recovery is an exponentially better way to live.
Again, welcome.
Hope to catch you tomorrow.
Tired and heading off to bed but saw your post and wanted to welcome you.
You will find so much support, understanding and encouragement here. I hope that you find what so very many of us have:
That living in sobriety and recovery is an exponentially better way to live.
Again, welcome.
Hope to catch you tomorrow.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Break,
You have come to the right place.
No nonsense information and support.
For me...what I have from drinking is brain damage. My ability to produce dopemin has been altered. I needed booze to feel normal.
It has taken many months to heal. Relapse looms the whole time. Relapse resets everything. It is a death spiral.
The only way out was/is to suffer. I still suffer. Just not as bad as when I was 6 months clean.
Parts of my brain are dead forever. My brain had to rewire. This takes a long, long, long time.
Hope this helps you.
Thanks.
You have come to the right place.
No nonsense information and support.
For me...what I have from drinking is brain damage. My ability to produce dopemin has been altered. I needed booze to feel normal.
It has taken many months to heal. Relapse looms the whole time. Relapse resets everything. It is a death spiral.
The only way out was/is to suffer. I still suffer. Just not as bad as when I was 6 months clean.
Parts of my brain are dead forever. My brain had to rewire. This takes a long, long, long time.
Hope this helps you.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 16
Thank you all for welcoming me. Some days are harder than others. It's interesting that the day after I decided to remove alcohol completely from my life, my crutch, my stress "reliever", all of my kids (I have 4) came down with a nasty virus that's been going on for nearly the whole 2 weeks so far, the baby is cutting a tooth and I received some pretty bad news. So sleep is even more evasive than usual 😣. Maybe it happened just as it should since I'm having trouble sleeping anyway. Talk about being tested! There have been many, many nights in the last 2 weeks that I've desperately wanted the so called relief of a drink or 4. I just keep reminding myself of how I really like feeling good and not waking up with a hangover that I have to push through to carry on with my everyday responsibilities.
My biggest fear, and I know you can all relate, is relapse. I'm not really concerned about relapsing soon, I'm concerned about relapsing 3 months or 6 months or even a year from now. Addiction is a beast. A relentless beast that I fear. Hoping with everything in me to stay the course and kick it's a**.
My biggest fear, and I know you can all relate, is relapse. I'm not really concerned about relapsing soon, I'm concerned about relapsing 3 months or 6 months or even a year from now. Addiction is a beast. A relentless beast that I fear. Hoping with everything in me to stay the course and kick it's a**.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by D122y 
Break,
You have come to the right place.
No nonsense information and support.
For me...what I have from drinking is brain damage. My ability to produce dopemin has been altered. I needed booze to feel normal.
It has taken many months to heal. Relapse looms the whole time. Relapse resets everything. It is a death spiral.
The only way out was/is to suffer. I still suffer. Just not as bad as when I was 6 months clean.
Parts of my brain are dead forever. My brain had to rewire. This takes a long, long, long time.
Hope this helps you.
Thanks.
You have come to the right place.
No nonsense information and support.
For me...what I have from drinking is brain damage. My ability to produce dopemin has been altered. I needed booze to feel normal.
It has taken many months to heal. Relapse looms the whole time. Relapse resets everything. It is a death spiral.
The only way out was/is to suffer. I still suffer. Just not as bad as when I was 6 months clean.
Parts of my brain are dead forever. My brain had to rewire. This takes a long, long, long time.
Hope this helps you.
Thanks.
D122y
Thank you for your honest response. It's incredible how much damage alcohol does to our brains. I don't think I realized just how damaging it is, or maybe I just didn't really want to believe it. I've become forgetful over the years...definitely not as sharp as I used to be. Also, I dont cope with stress very easily anymore, even with the tools I know to use. For awhile I was chalking it up to long term sleep deprivation from raising kids *mom brain*, but now I think it's more than that. When I was younger, I drank pretty heavily off and on. That started nearly 26 years ago.
Then as I've gotten older it's been a steady regular thing.
I started reading the book "Under the Influence a couple of weeks ago. That's when I had the realization that I have most likely done some damage to my brain and that the sleep dep was probably an excuse I made up in my mind.
Sorry for the ramble. Lots of coffee lately. Will slow down on the caffeine some other time in life...
Last edited by Breakingcycles; 03-19-2018 at 10:18 AM. Reason: Mistyped
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
.
Breakingcycles,.... hopefully the long term sleep deprivation ( a very real stress to our bodies imo ) ...will become much more manageable going forward .
My daughter had twin girls 8 years ago,....and it's an gross understatement to describe infant care as challenging " to sleep cycles .
Going forward ,... your sobriety will sure. give your body a huge advantage to heal itself without the persistent recovery time no longer required to heal that kind of damage .
At 61 now,..cognitive agility is kind of a big, big thing ,...lo
keep up the good work,..
Breakingcycles,.... hopefully the long term sleep deprivation ( a very real stress to our bodies imo ) ...will become much more manageable going forward .
My daughter had twin girls 8 years ago,....and it's an gross understatement to describe infant care as challenging " to sleep cycles .
Going forward ,... your sobriety will sure. give your body a huge advantage to heal itself without the persistent recovery time no longer required to heal that kind of damage .
At 61 now,..cognitive agility is kind of a big, big thing ,...lo
keep up the good work,..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Hey your already at 14 days!! Nice!! Keep at it! Sobriety will improve over time. Your story is similar to mine. Too much wine, giving too little to the family. Medicating my emotions with alcohol. I just passed 11 months without wine. I have no regrets in the least! This is a great place to learn, find support, and work on your sobriety skills. Post often, it helps a lot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by topspin
.
Welcome breakingcycles !
Your first two weeks sound a lot like mine were . Thankfully they were the toughest !?
Welcome breakingcycles !
Your first two weeks sound a lot like mine were . Thankfully they were the toughest !?
After reading how different everyone's very early recovery is, I've just been trying to go with the flow and deal with the issues, physical and emotional, as they come up. It's pretty awful sometimes...the emotional part that is. It was an intense roller coaster the first week. Wasn't sure I could push through. So glad I did! Now if I could just settle down my firecracker attitude during witching hours...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Stay close, Breakingcycles. We will help you through those witching hours.
Lean on us.
Lean on us.
Last edited by Breakingcycles; 03-21-2018 at 11:33 AM. Reason: Mistyped
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by topspin
.
Breakingcycles,.... hopefully the long term sleep deprivation ( a very real stress to our bodies imo ) ...will become much more manageable going forward .
My daughter had twin girls 8 years ago,....and it's an gross understatement to describe infant care as challenging " to sleep cycles .
Going forward ,... your sobriety will sure. give your body a huge advantage to heal itself without the persistent recovery time no longer required to heal that kind of damage .
At 61 now,..cognitive agility is kind of a big, big thing ,...lo
keep up the good work,..
Breakingcycles,.... hopefully the long term sleep deprivation ( a very real stress to our bodies imo ) ...will become much more manageable going forward .
My daughter had twin girls 8 years ago,....and it's an gross understatement to describe infant care as challenging " to sleep cycles .
Going forward ,... your sobriety will sure. give your body a huge advantage to heal itself without the persistent recovery time no longer required to heal that kind of damage .
At 61 now,..cognitive agility is kind of a big, big thing ,...lo
keep up the good work,..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 16
Day 17. Witching hours have had me really wanting to drink today. I've been keeping myself busy, but, it's not letting up. I hate this part. I love sobriety. Hate the cravings. It's freezing outside...but I'm going to go for a walk and hope this passes soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome Breakingcycles. Congratulations on 14 days. I hope your symptoms are easing. I also had the itchies during my first quit. They were absolutely HORRIBLE! A new rug and bottle of perfume is an excellent reward. Hang in there. You've got some impressive days done!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
