Newbie (long post!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 4
Newbie (long post!)
I've been staring at the screen for ages thinking what to write... so, I'll start from the beginning.
I've never been great with alcohol, there were times in my teens I'd drink way more than I could handle but those times were very rare. 18-early 20's I was hardly ever found in such a state. Don't get me wrong, I had my moments where I'd have a few too many but not enough to be terribly concerned about. I would only drink at weekends usually, maybe the odd mid-week bottle of wine or spontaneous trip to the pub with friends or family. I was holding down a full time job which I was progressing well in, I finally got rid of my controlling, manipulative ex and I had friends that i thought would be for life. Now my ex was a horrible thing, he was constantly putting me down - complaining about how 'boring' i was. Looking back now, I know I wasn't, it was just his way of isolating me. We were together for 5 years and as much as I loathed him, it was still a huge part of my life that had been taken away and even though a weight had been lifted, everything he said played on my mind constantly and I felt alone but felt I needed to be constantly happy and confident. So the day drinking starts... I'd buy a 35cl bottle of vodka on my way to work, plus to bottles of soft drink to mix with. I'd head to the toilet, mix the vodka in with the soft drinks bottles and I could work with it next to me without anyone suspecting a thing. This eventually turned into an every day thing, when lunch arrived I head to a local bar on my own and drink more, but I was always sure to not get to the point someone would notice but the slow top ups meant I could stay at that 'feel good feeling' throughout the day. Then I started doing all that and getting a bottle of wine in the evening. I live with my parents, so whilst they suspected nothing at the time I'd "just head to the shop for some wine"... I knew I couldn't do that every night without alarm bells ringing in their head, so often i'd buy a bottle before i got home and stash it in my bag and keep it hidden in my room. (sorry for going on, its quite long... 5 years to be exact). Then, one day I suddenly decided to hit the "go big or go home" button, the weather was gorgeous and i was in high spirits (literally)... I called in sick to work and later in the day managed to get arrested for drink driving. I lost my job and due to continuing to drink after that, any other little job I managed to come by I lost those too. I decided to go back to studying, thinking I could control the drinking and manage to get a degree. However, it has now hit an all time low. I still live with my parents whilst I study but tend to start drinking before going to study, again drinking throughout the day but need more to drink trying to hit that feel good feeling, drink too much, don't want to face going home to my parents disappointed, angry faces again and probably get found somewhere and taken home... which is what happened this past weekend. But not being able to face my parents the next day sober, I get myself a bottle of wine and drink into oblivion again. This goes on for a few days until I reach a point of huge anxiety, I'm shaking, sweating, vomiting. I'll stay off it for upto a week, trying to remind myself of the ridiculous situations I get myself into and how awful I feel after a binge. Not to mention the sheer anger and disappointment that gets thrown my way. Then I'll mess it all up again. It's a constant cycle and becoming VERY predictable.
So basically I'm here for some help. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I have read a few posts about how cravings will pass but if i have a craving it'll play on my mind no matter how i try to distract myself. some days i can do it, but others i act almost immediately without thinking!
Sorry for the essay...
I've never been great with alcohol, there were times in my teens I'd drink way more than I could handle but those times were very rare. 18-early 20's I was hardly ever found in such a state. Don't get me wrong, I had my moments where I'd have a few too many but not enough to be terribly concerned about. I would only drink at weekends usually, maybe the odd mid-week bottle of wine or spontaneous trip to the pub with friends or family. I was holding down a full time job which I was progressing well in, I finally got rid of my controlling, manipulative ex and I had friends that i thought would be for life. Now my ex was a horrible thing, he was constantly putting me down - complaining about how 'boring' i was. Looking back now, I know I wasn't, it was just his way of isolating me. We were together for 5 years and as much as I loathed him, it was still a huge part of my life that had been taken away and even though a weight had been lifted, everything he said played on my mind constantly and I felt alone but felt I needed to be constantly happy and confident. So the day drinking starts... I'd buy a 35cl bottle of vodka on my way to work, plus to bottles of soft drink to mix with. I'd head to the toilet, mix the vodka in with the soft drinks bottles and I could work with it next to me without anyone suspecting a thing. This eventually turned into an every day thing, when lunch arrived I head to a local bar on my own and drink more, but I was always sure to not get to the point someone would notice but the slow top ups meant I could stay at that 'feel good feeling' throughout the day. Then I started doing all that and getting a bottle of wine in the evening. I live with my parents, so whilst they suspected nothing at the time I'd "just head to the shop for some wine"... I knew I couldn't do that every night without alarm bells ringing in their head, so often i'd buy a bottle before i got home and stash it in my bag and keep it hidden in my room. (sorry for going on, its quite long... 5 years to be exact). Then, one day I suddenly decided to hit the "go big or go home" button, the weather was gorgeous and i was in high spirits (literally)... I called in sick to work and later in the day managed to get arrested for drink driving. I lost my job and due to continuing to drink after that, any other little job I managed to come by I lost those too. I decided to go back to studying, thinking I could control the drinking and manage to get a degree. However, it has now hit an all time low. I still live with my parents whilst I study but tend to start drinking before going to study, again drinking throughout the day but need more to drink trying to hit that feel good feeling, drink too much, don't want to face going home to my parents disappointed, angry faces again and probably get found somewhere and taken home... which is what happened this past weekend. But not being able to face my parents the next day sober, I get myself a bottle of wine and drink into oblivion again. This goes on for a few days until I reach a point of huge anxiety, I'm shaking, sweating, vomiting. I'll stay off it for upto a week, trying to remind myself of the ridiculous situations I get myself into and how awful I feel after a binge. Not to mention the sheer anger and disappointment that gets thrown my way. Then I'll mess it all up again. It's a constant cycle and becoming VERY predictable.
So basically I'm here for some help. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I have read a few posts about how cravings will pass but if i have a craving it'll play on my mind no matter how i try to distract myself. some days i can do it, but others i act almost immediately without thinking!
Sorry for the essay...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: yorkshire UK
Posts: 879
Hi Dazed. Welcome to SR. I am so sorry about your situation but it is all too familiar to most of us on here.
You have come to the right place, you will find a lot of support and advice on here. The most important (to me) is ODAAT. One Day At A time. Try not to think about the future just stay sober one day at a atime. Perhaps you should see your doctor about stopping drinking. I know its not easy but could you talk to your parents?
Keep coming here and reading the posts. They do help. AA is also great and there are meetings everywhere. I hope you can leave the alcohol behind and start living the life you deserve.
I have just left an emotional abusive relationship so I understand what it can do to your confidence. I too drank to anethitise the pain of his words.
Please stick around with us, we all understand what you are going through.
You have come to the right place, you will find a lot of support and advice on here. The most important (to me) is ODAAT. One Day At A time. Try not to think about the future just stay sober one day at a atime. Perhaps you should see your doctor about stopping drinking. I know its not easy but could you talk to your parents?
Keep coming here and reading the posts. They do help. AA is also great and there are meetings everywhere. I hope you can leave the alcohol behind and start living the life you deserve.
I have just left an emotional abusive relationship so I understand what it can do to your confidence. I too drank to anethitise the pain of his words.
Please stick around with us, we all understand what you are going through.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 312
Welcome Dazed. You're making a great first step by reaching out and posting here. There are so many great resources and encouraging stories here. And tons of folks who understand what you're going through and are great for support and encouragement. Best of luck on your journey!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 4
Hi Juliet and JayTee, thank you! I am currently seeing my doctor about stopping drinking. I have been seeing her for quite sometime now. I have been with an alcohol key worker and have been through a residential detox for a week. i just keep slipping back into old habits. my parents are currently not speaking to me after a heavy weekend, so i've been holed up in my room avoiding the awkward atmosphere, which is why i signed up here 
comforting to know you are not alone, thank you guys x
comforting to know you are not alone, thank you guys x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: yorkshire UK
Posts: 879
Thats great, you have taken real steps and it sounds like you mean it this time. It will be hard for your parents as you have quit before and relapsed, they may need more time but if you keep it up they will support you. Stick around here please. Don't go back to it this time, its taken enough from you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 34
Hi there,
It's crazy how identical your story is to mine. The exact same pretty much, from drinking as a teenager, and leading up to where you are now. Your ex, sounds exactly as mine. Your DUI, calling in sick in the afternoon for work, exact same thing happened to me. Today I am going into my second day of being sober. You are not alone, and you can do it. It won't be an easy road, and I'm dreading the days to come and having to deal with cravings. The biggest thing for me was looking at my future. I'm 24, do I really want to become a mother that drinks all day? That's why I want to deal with it now before it gets worse. Currently I have a beautiful house with my boyfriend, and lovely pets. Do I want to throw that away? My best advice to you right now is sit down and think about where you want to be in the future. That's what pushed me to try and stop completely. If you ever need to chat feel free to message me. Our stories our so similar I feel like we could help each other out. The best of luck to you!
It's crazy how identical your story is to mine. The exact same pretty much, from drinking as a teenager, and leading up to where you are now. Your ex, sounds exactly as mine. Your DUI, calling in sick in the afternoon for work, exact same thing happened to me. Today I am going into my second day of being sober. You are not alone, and you can do it. It won't be an easy road, and I'm dreading the days to come and having to deal with cravings. The biggest thing for me was looking at my future. I'm 24, do I really want to become a mother that drinks all day? That's why I want to deal with it now before it gets worse. Currently I have a beautiful house with my boyfriend, and lovely pets. Do I want to throw that away? My best advice to you right now is sit down and think about where you want to be in the future. That's what pushed me to try and stop completely. If you ever need to chat feel free to message me. Our stories our so similar I feel like we could help each other out. The best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
A few years ago, I was forced to move back in with my parents after my girlfriend kicked me out due to my drinking. My parents allowed me to stay on the condition I hand over my bank cards so I couldn't buy booze. I stayed for 4 or 5 months and was sober the entire time. Have you ever considered doing the same? Sure, it's tough having to be treated like a child again, but I would have never made it through those early days otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Hi and welcome Dazed.
There’s a lot of great people on this site. For me I had to finally make the decision to just stop! I went to family, then my dr for help to detox, now here and AA. I’m doing much better at day 47 and have no plans or urges to drink today!
I hope to see you around!
There’s a lot of great people on this site. For me I had to finally make the decision to just stop! I went to family, then my dr for help to detox, now here and AA. I’m doing much better at day 47 and have no plans or urges to drink today!
I hope to see you around!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi and welcome dazedconfused1
I was at a really low ebb when I found SR. The support and good ideas I found here really helped me turn my life around so I know we can help you too
Read around, post as much as you need to. See what other people are doing to stay sober - it all starts with a day one,. If you're worried about withdrawals, seeing a Dr before you quit is probably the best idea
Glad you've found us
I was at a really low ebb when I found SR. The support and good ideas I found here really helped me turn my life around so I know we can help you too
Read around, post as much as you need to. See what other people are doing to stay sober - it all starts with a day one,. If you're worried about withdrawals, seeing a Dr before you quit is probably the best idea
Glad you've found us
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome, dazed. We're so glad you're with us.
Yes, a very familiar story - but here we are, doing something about it. This is where the miserable times can end for good. You can rise above these difficult days and have a wonderful new life. We're here to encourage you.
Yes, a very familiar story - but here we are, doing something about it. This is where the miserable times can end for good. You can rise above these difficult days and have a wonderful new life. We're here to encourage you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Natasha1994 
Hi there,
It's crazy how identical your story is to mine. The exact same pretty much, from drinking as a teenager, and leading up to where you are now. Your ex, sounds exactly as mine. Your DUI, calling in sick in the afternoon for work, exact same thing happened to me. Today I am going into my second day of being sober. You are not alone, and you can do it. It won't be an easy road, and I'm dreading the days to come and having to deal with cravings. The biggest thing for me was looking at my future. I'm 24, do I really want to become a mother that drinks all day? That's why I want to deal with it now before it gets worse. Currently I have a beautiful house with my boyfriend, and lovely pets. Do I want to throw that away? My best advice to you right now is sit down and think about where you want to be in the future. That's what pushed me to try and stop completely. If you ever need to chat feel free to message me. Our stories our so similar I feel like we could help each other out. The best of luck to you!
It's crazy how identical your story is to mine. The exact same pretty much, from drinking as a teenager, and leading up to where you are now. Your ex, sounds exactly as mine. Your DUI, calling in sick in the afternoon for work, exact same thing happened to me. Today I am going into my second day of being sober. You are not alone, and you can do it. It won't be an easy road, and I'm dreading the days to come and having to deal with cravings. The biggest thing for me was looking at my future. I'm 24, do I really want to become a mother that drinks all day? That's why I want to deal with it now before it gets worse. Currently I have a beautiful house with my boyfriend, and lovely pets. Do I want to throw that away? My best advice to you right now is sit down and think about where you want to be in the future. That's what pushed me to try and stop completely. If you ever need to chat feel free to message me. Our stories our so similar I feel like we could help each other out. The best of luck to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Wastinglife
A few years ago, I was forced to move back in with my parents after my girlfriend kicked me out due to my drinking. My parents allowed me to stay on the condition I hand over my bank cards so I couldn't buy booze. I stayed for 4 or 5 months and was sober the entire time. Have you ever considered doing the same? Sure, it's tough having to be treated like a child again, but I would have never made it through those early days otherwise.
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