How to cope with alcoholic roommates
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1
How to cope with alcoholic roommates
Ive just created this account. Im an alcoholic, used to drink daily. Now, Ive been sober since 1 january 2018, been to AA, and improving my lifestyle. Eating healty, going to the gym and so on 
.
Im young, only 23, and I'm better off money wise, sharing an apartment with somebody, I'm single. The inviduals are my best mates, I've known them since the 1st grade.
Well as I've racked up my sober days, it has become clearer and clearer to me that they are alcoholics as well, but not binge drinkers like I am. They drink much slower then I used to, but still every day.
Beer bottles and cans everywhere in the living room, the kitchen. This morning I even found one bottle aside the bathroom sink! And It pissed me so off. They listen to loud music, late at night and talk loudly. I can't sleep. I usually just fall a sleep when they go to sleep...like 1:30AM.
When I go tell them to shut the music at night, they look at me like I'm some kind of an antichrist. Sayng, that they think its not loud at all, and basically turn them selfs into victims in this situation. They usually dim it down for a while. And then when im back in my room, falling asleep they turn in up again! (Like I wouldnt notice). Usually they invite mutual friends of us over like 2 times a week, and they dont go home until all the booze is gone, like 3AM. Were all a "happy family" of alcoholics....
I feel like my sobriety is tearing a huge gap between us three. Were not best of buddies anymore. Its them vs me. They are now making plans without me, they dont consult me, when they invite people over to drink, they just invite them...
.Thinking of moving out, but I know they have to find someone to replace me, or they cant afford to pay the rent.
I value my sobrietry very greatly. Its the most important thing I have. I seriously think I will leave them there to drink in april, and I do not care if they find someone or not. Probably loose them as friends, but I'm so angry at them. Probably because they remind me what I used to be like.
. Im young, only 23, and I'm better off money wise, sharing an apartment with somebody, I'm single. The inviduals are my best mates, I've known them since the 1st grade.
Well as I've racked up my sober days, it has become clearer and clearer to me that they are alcoholics as well, but not binge drinkers like I am. They drink much slower then I used to, but still every day.
Beer bottles and cans everywhere in the living room, the kitchen. This morning I even found one bottle aside the bathroom sink! And It pissed me so off. They listen to loud music, late at night and talk loudly. I can't sleep. I usually just fall a sleep when they go to sleep...like 1:30AM.
When I go tell them to shut the music at night, they look at me like I'm some kind of an antichrist. Sayng, that they think its not loud at all, and basically turn them selfs into victims in this situation. They usually dim it down for a while. And then when im back in my room, falling asleep they turn in up again! (Like I wouldnt notice). Usually they invite mutual friends of us over like 2 times a week, and they dont go home until all the booze is gone, like 3AM. Were all a "happy family" of alcoholics....
I feel like my sobriety is tearing a huge gap between us three. Were not best of buddies anymore. Its them vs me. They are now making plans without me, they dont consult me, when they invite people over to drink, they just invite them...
.Thinking of moving out, but I know they have to find someone to replace me, or they cant afford to pay the rent.
I value my sobrietry very greatly. Its the most important thing I have. I seriously think I will leave them there to drink in april, and I do not care if they find someone or not. Probably loose them as friends, but I'm so angry at them. Probably because they remind me what I used to be like.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Kirk.
Welcome.
I would find another living situation.
This is not good. Not only are your roommates inconsiderate, but you are deep in the”people, places, things” that AA tells us to avoid as they could trigger a relapse.
When we stop drinking, we must also change the things that helped us to drink.
Welcome.
I would find another living situation.
This is not good. Not only are your roommates inconsiderate, but you are deep in the”people, places, things” that AA tells us to avoid as they could trigger a relapse.
When we stop drinking, we must also change the things that helped us to drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Welcome Kirk. Congrats on your sobriety. You have an awesome advantage knowing you need to put your sobriety before anything else. Good friends will understand that. Do what’s good for you, don’t worry if they find a new mate. If they’re true friends, they’ll come around.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Hey Kirk - Welcome to SR!
Way to go on getting sober!
It sounds like it's time to move on...
Tough situation... Roomate "living" situations aren't permanent.
DO you have a lease or written agreement?
If not.. there is nothing more that giving them notice.
30 days is customary.
This is about you and your happiness. Do what you need to do for you.
They will need to figure their own thing out.. (finding a new roommate etc)..
But the fact is.... If it's a party house and you don't "party".
Then it is not the right situation for either of you...or your mates.
You will be so much happier in a new living arrangement.
Way to go on getting sober!
It sounds like it's time to move on...
Tough situation... Roomate "living" situations aren't permanent.
DO you have a lease or written agreement?
If not.. there is nothing more that giving them notice.
30 days is customary.
This is about you and your happiness. Do what you need to do for you.
They will need to figure their own thing out.. (finding a new roommate etc)..
But the fact is.... If it's a party house and you don't "party".
Then it is not the right situation for either of you...or your mates.
You will be so much happier in a new living arrangement.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
.Thinking of moving out, but I know they have to find someone to replace me, or they cant afford to pay the rent.
glad youre here, kirk.
the rent getting paid after you move out isnt your problem- thats on them.
I value my sobrietry very greatly. Its the most important thing I have.
very good to read!
[I] Probably loose them as friends, but I'm so angry at them. Probably because they remind me what I used to be like. [/I
many of us here can relate to that. many of us found out the only bond we had with our friends was alcohol- which made us just drinking buddies.
glad youre here, kirk.
the rent getting paid after you move out isnt your problem- thats on them.
I value my sobrietry very greatly. Its the most important thing I have.
very good to read!
[I] Probably loose them as friends, but I'm so angry at them. Probably because they remind me what I used to be like. [/I
many of us here can relate to that. many of us found out the only bond we had with our friends was alcohol- which made us just drinking buddies.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
When we start to change our lifestyle we gravitate towards things that fit the new lifestyle. Drinking and partying does not suit you any longer and it shouldn't. My sobriety requires early bed times and a lot of quiet time.
Growing and changing is what this life is about. Its okay to change and to decide that partying is not a part of your life any longer. You are taking the necessary steps to care for yourself.
Your roommates will find another person to occupy the space. They will go on to live their lives in the way they see fit. You need to live your life in the way that you see fit. Keep your eye on the prize. Keep your sobriety as number one.
Growing and changing is what this life is about. Its okay to change and to decide that partying is not a part of your life any longer. You are taking the necessary steps to care for yourself.
Your roommates will find another person to occupy the space. They will go on to live their lives in the way they see fit. You need to live your life in the way that you see fit. Keep your eye on the prize. Keep your sobriety as number one.
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