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Old 02-14-2018, 10:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I'm not exactly new to sobriety - it's been almost 3 years but I'm only just starting to lose touch with alot of friends. I mean alot/almost all of my old drinking friends that i've been close to for about 20 years on and off. There are a few I still remain in touch with (for breakfasts etc.) but I don't even want to hang out with them anymore, even if booze is not involved. Is that awful of me? There's not much to say & I find myself clock watching for the end of our time together. I know this is common; I just find it a little disheartening so many at once....

Can anyone relate?
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Old 02-14-2018, 11:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Well, we change in sobriety. Our perspective shifts and I think Many of us get our integrity back. Things I used to find funny or quirky in my old drinking friends aren't things I value in a friend now. I do sometimes think it's a little sad that I've grown away from some people but if the choice is that I remain the same person I was back then, well, I can accept that. The fact remains that with some of my old pals (the drinking buddies), they no longer have anything I want, and actually I don't have anything they want nowadays. The plus side is, I like MYSELF nowadays, and I have lots of new sober / recovery friends.

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Old 02-15-2018, 07:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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That's true; it's occurred to me that we're just no longer interested in eachother. The main ingredient to our bonding is gone.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:18 AM   #4 (permalink)
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That's true; it's occurred to me that we're just no longer interested in eachother. The main ingredient to our bonding is gone.
Yes. Like Alcohol was the usual friend, and now that's gone there's no common bond.

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Old 02-16-2018, 01:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I wasn't a good friend to my drinking buddies. Just turning it round, the main reason I was with them was that they drank like I did, and when one dropped out of the group he was sadly missed for all of about five minutes. Nope, I used them like I used many other people. I was a user and a taker. With a friend like me, they didn't need any enemies.

I ddn't lose friends when I got sober so much as I stopped using them.
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Old 02-16-2018, 01:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I ddn't lose friends when I got sober so much as I stopped using them.
Good way of looking at it.

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Old 02-16-2018, 07:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Congrats on 3 years!

It was very important that I let go of ALL my drinking friends, which I did on Day 1 of sobriety, they were slow to leave but the process started and by month 3, no contact at all It really helped me to get rid of facebook.
No, it is not bad of you to let go of relationships.
If you are happy and sober, that is all that matters. The rest will fall into place
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Old 02-16-2018, 07:55 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
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I wasn't a good friend to my drinking buddies. Just turning it round, the main reason I was with them was that they drank like I did, and when one dropped out of the group he was sadly missed for all of about five minutes. Nope, I used them like I used many other people. I was a user and a taker. With a friend like me, they didn't need any enemies.

I ddn't lose friends when I got sober so much as I stopped using them.
This hits home too. How did you forgive yourself and did you ever ask for forgiveness from them? There are a few people I know that I used....

Thanks
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Old 02-16-2018, 12:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I grew apart from most of my 'friends' when I started working on my sobriety. I'm actually meeting up with one on Sunday morning for breakfast. He reached out to me yesterday and "needs to talk". I'm 100% sure that he wants to talk about getting into recovery. We've not 'hung out' in probably 2yrs? Just Fakebook,ocasional 'funny text',ect..He's a good guy/friend/dad..just party's a bit too hard for a grown man,so I had to distance myself in search of my sobriety. My circle of 'new friends' are mainly my business partners,their families/friends and employees. Waaayy calmer/peaceful/no drama atmosphere nowadays!
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Old 02-16-2018, 12:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I think, for me, the changes in me were profound. I was no longer interested in doing and saying the things I had always felt I was supposed to do and say. I had to be true to myself. So, I did step away from some people I knew. It was inevitable. But, what was completely unexpected to me was this - after stepping away, two amazing women appeared in my life and they both became close friends and mentors.
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Old 02-16-2018, 03:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hey NAP

the amends step is later on in AA for a reason - it can be pretty emotional. I'd focus on getting secure in your recovery first before you go making amends.

Forgiveness from others will always be on their timetable...you may have to wait a while for some people. Forgiving myself - I did the best I could to lead a 'good' life and help others.

That allows me to let go of the past and focus on the now.

D
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Congrats on 3 years!
Thank you so much!
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Old 02-17-2018, 01:06 AM   #13 (permalink)
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They were never friends. They were acquaintances. True friends will be your friends for life even if you only keep in touch here and there you won't lose touch with real friend. So don't stress it too much.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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It's just so disheartening to know I spent so much time & energy with/on people who didn't fully support me. The last time I had coffee with one of them they mocked my new age/hippyness to my face and tried to pass it off as a joke.
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:34 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Yes! I can really relate with you. I have a group of old drinking friends that i owe amends to. We haven't spoken in years and feel like the bottle was our bond. It's hard to not have expectations about how things are going to be with friends when we get sober but i feel like it's the best policy.
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