mawapril

I recently went 35 days with no alcohol. Last week I gave my notice to my job where I’ve been dealing with significant mental/psychological abuse from upper management for the last 1.5 years.

I drank 4/6 nights. I feel like I embarrassed myself. I went on a texting Spree last night and feel like such an idiot. Not only am I severely depressed, but paying for drinking with a ****** hangover and humiliated that I messaged this one person in particular.

I don’t know why this is bothering me to this extent but I feel like dying. I called in sick from work cause I’ve been scared for days to go back to that wrath. My husband is so supportive and I feel horrible that he has to deal with this.

I know I need to stop drinking and I wish to god I kept going with my 35 days alcohol free and it feels so daunting to go back to square 1.

It’s been a while since Ive been in this space So I’m reaching out cause I feel like I’m barely hanging on right now.

Thanks for reading.

DarklingSong

I am glad you reached out....sorry to hear things are tough right now.
If you managed 35 days, you can do it again. I don't believe its back to square one. You learn something when you quit and relapse each time and that can help the next quit be permanent.
The first few days are rough for sure but you can get through this.
Best wishes.

Spence7471

Well done for getting back on that wagon.. that is the best thing you can do.... It is nice that you have a supportive husband by you.

Just focus on today... any day sober is a better day than when using.

wayforward

First of all, it's great that you're getting out of that work environment. Cutting ties with toxic relationships and environments is a great aid for sobriety. Those kinds of stresses can be incredibly triggering. Luckily, your husband is supportive. That's really wonderful.

I've sent embarrassing texts and e-mails and all of that while drunk. I'm sure many people here share your pain in that regard. But people are generally pretty forgiving so long as it's not a repeat offense. Take this time to prioritize yourself, your sobriety, and your wellness.

J50

Just remember that drinking a depressant to cure your depression will make you feel even more depressed.

brighterday1234

We’ve all been there I’m sure. I certainly have. Drinking to drown out depression is very common especially among alcoholics. Doing things we deeply regret while wasted is all par for the course. Obviously alcohol just makes the low mood and feelings of hopelessness more intense without seemingly a solution.

There is indeed a solution and if you’re an alcoholic or then that is total abstinence and working a solid program. Check out AA meetings in your area as you can learn an awful lot and listen to people who were once exactly where you are now and are now recovered.

Sober at all costs has to be the way to progress if you’re an alcoholic. Don’t beat yourself up for drinking though; just move on and learn from it.

least

THIS! I used to be so depressed while drinking and just felt hopeless. That feeling went away after I'd been sober for a while.

Don't drink to drown depression. That just makes it worse.

Anna

Welcome back, and you did 35 days previously, so you can do it again. Do remember that alcohol is a depressant and it will make you feel worse every time. I think a lot of us here have done things that were embarrassing. It goes with the territory, but you never have to feel like this again.

Dustitoffman

I am very sorry to hear what you have and are experiencing.
I obviously do not know the full story but there is no excuse for being bullied in the workplace. Especially to the level that it is effecting your mental health.
I am also not sure what country you are from and the procedures there however I will suggest a plan.

Your health mental and physical is the most important thing so please try to focus on you and what you need to get you to a better place.

1 go to your doctor and open up with what has been happening and how you are affected.

You may need to be given some time off from work by the doctor because of the stress that you are experiencing.
You may need the doctor to prescribe some medication to help get you back to safe mental state. This will obviously be closely monitored by the doctor.

2 if you have a union make contact start the ball rolling with sorting out the work based problem that is at the root of this issue. No one should have to experience bullying in the workplace.

3 this is not really third it is as much 1 as 1 is.
STOP DRINKING!
Drinking will solve nothing it will help nothing it will sort nothing. It's not a sticky plaster. It is just another problem so STOP!

I am really pleased that you have support close to you that is so important when you experience something that effectively sends your brain into chaos or panic mode.

Stay strong and keep posting. Dusty😎

Dee74

Hi mawapril

sorry you're struggling but its good to hear from you again.

You know that drinking will never solve depression, it makes it worse.

How about committing to a day one and start climbing up out of the hole?

Whatever fears you have they will seem better on a sober mind - and you're not alone - lean on us for support

D

Rar

Hi Mawapril. I'm sorry you're going through this. Many years ago I worked in a toxic environment and was physically sick thinking about going to work. I felt liberated and was euphoric when I finally quit, so I understand how you feel. It's good you posted. I know you're feeling sick right now, but jump right back on the wagon. You can do this. You've had 35 awesomely sober days. Keep trying. I'm rooting for you.