3 Years Down. What's Happened in the time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 418
3 Years Down. What's Happened in the time.
Hi all,
I'm writing this partly to myself and partly to those people who are looking at quitting alcohol. I don't come here often, which is probably a good thing as I don't feel I need to come here.
I was what is called a "functioning alcoholic" in that I kept a job and was sort of normal. But what I know now is, that I was far from being normal.
Depression, dispair, sickness and a lack of will to do anything other than drink were the definition of my existance.
Three years ago (as of 26 January) I stopped drinking. Prior to that I was drinking heavily. Spirits and beer were my poison - and I do mean poison. The last thing I got drunk on was spiced rum. Straight.
After making the decision to quit drinking (I'd made overtures previously), I did something I had been too scared to do before. I went to my GP and asked for medication that I knew would kill me or make me seriously sick if I mixed it with alcohol.
Please don't take that as an endorsement of medication - it was what worked for me. The threat of death if I drank. Turns out I didn't want to die.
The first month was the hardest. I had to source the drug from other states because the manufacturer had changed and it was scarce. But I stuck to it and started taking the pills.
Luckily for me, as well, I had some time off work saved up - 3 months. I took it.
The only thing I tried to do in the first month was to take my tablet and eat well. I visited the fruit and veg shop and picked out exotic fruits I'd never tried. I packed stone fruit down my gullet like some ravenous toucan. I visited SR and talked to various people about alcoholism. I saw posts from people who'd given up many many years ago.
I don't know whether those posts helped me. I was envious. What helped me the most was that people on SR were non-judgemental and were all about giving up alcohol. Of course, like with any community, there were some that I didn't want to talk to. But that's life, and it's easy not to talk to people you don't want to talk to.
After the first month of living day to day, I realised that I needed to have something else in my life to take the place of drinking. I am someone who gets addicted to things. So why - I reasoned - don't I get addicted to something that's actually helpful?
The next couple of months were spent learning the ins and outs of selling on the internet. My grandmother had always fancied me as some sort of businessman. I thought I'd give it a crack because it was like a game to me.
Turns out that the buying and selling was not only good for me, in that I had some extra money, but it kept my focus off the grog.
Work improved as well. I went a full calendar year without taking a sick day. That was a first for me as well.
Whenever I thought I might like a drink (I'll be real - I wanted to get paralytic), I thought about that last drink of spiced rum I had. How sick it made me feel. The disgusting taste I endured so that I could achieve numbness. And when I thought that, suddenly I didn't want to drink.
In the time that I have stopped drinking, I have had gastric bypass surgery in an attempt to lose weight. I have saved up enough to put a deposit down on a house and have moved out into the first home I have ever bought. I have developed an interest in photography as well.
There are still problems. I still suffer from anxiety and I still can't relate to people in ways that I would like to.
But the pay off is that I am no longer ashamed. Ashamed of my addiction. Ashamed of things I would do to get drunk - switching up liquor stores, making stupid drunken decisions like talking to family drunk, missing events, missing work. Ashamed of making excuses. Ashamed that I was no longer trusted by my family.
That pay off is worth it.
If you're reading this drunk, I want you to know that a few years ago I was a disgusting drunk. Possibly worse than you. If you want to quit, you can. You just need to want it more than you want drinking.
Anyway, that was the past three years for me in a condensed form. I wish all of you the best and that you quit drinking if you want to.
I'm writing this partly to myself and partly to those people who are looking at quitting alcohol. I don't come here often, which is probably a good thing as I don't feel I need to come here.
I was what is called a "functioning alcoholic" in that I kept a job and was sort of normal. But what I know now is, that I was far from being normal.
Depression, dispair, sickness and a lack of will to do anything other than drink were the definition of my existance.
Three years ago (as of 26 January) I stopped drinking. Prior to that I was drinking heavily. Spirits and beer were my poison - and I do mean poison. The last thing I got drunk on was spiced rum. Straight.
After making the decision to quit drinking (I'd made overtures previously), I did something I had been too scared to do before. I went to my GP and asked for medication that I knew would kill me or make me seriously sick if I mixed it with alcohol.
Please don't take that as an endorsement of medication - it was what worked for me. The threat of death if I drank. Turns out I didn't want to die.
The first month was the hardest. I had to source the drug from other states because the manufacturer had changed and it was scarce. But I stuck to it and started taking the pills.
Luckily for me, as well, I had some time off work saved up - 3 months. I took it.
The only thing I tried to do in the first month was to take my tablet and eat well. I visited the fruit and veg shop and picked out exotic fruits I'd never tried. I packed stone fruit down my gullet like some ravenous toucan. I visited SR and talked to various people about alcoholism. I saw posts from people who'd given up many many years ago.
I don't know whether those posts helped me. I was envious. What helped me the most was that people on SR were non-judgemental and were all about giving up alcohol. Of course, like with any community, there were some that I didn't want to talk to. But that's life, and it's easy not to talk to people you don't want to talk to.
After the first month of living day to day, I realised that I needed to have something else in my life to take the place of drinking. I am someone who gets addicted to things. So why - I reasoned - don't I get addicted to something that's actually helpful?
The next couple of months were spent learning the ins and outs of selling on the internet. My grandmother had always fancied me as some sort of businessman. I thought I'd give it a crack because it was like a game to me.
Turns out that the buying and selling was not only good for me, in that I had some extra money, but it kept my focus off the grog.
Work improved as well. I went a full calendar year without taking a sick day. That was a first for me as well.
Whenever I thought I might like a drink (I'll be real - I wanted to get paralytic), I thought about that last drink of spiced rum I had. How sick it made me feel. The disgusting taste I endured so that I could achieve numbness. And when I thought that, suddenly I didn't want to drink.
In the time that I have stopped drinking, I have had gastric bypass surgery in an attempt to lose weight. I have saved up enough to put a deposit down on a house and have moved out into the first home I have ever bought. I have developed an interest in photography as well.
There are still problems. I still suffer from anxiety and I still can't relate to people in ways that I would like to.
But the pay off is that I am no longer ashamed. Ashamed of my addiction. Ashamed of things I would do to get drunk - switching up liquor stores, making stupid drunken decisions like talking to family drunk, missing events, missing work. Ashamed of making excuses. Ashamed that I was no longer trusted by my family.
That pay off is worth it.
If you're reading this drunk, I want you to know that a few years ago I was a disgusting drunk. Possibly worse than you. If you want to quit, you can. You just need to want it more than you want drinking.
Anyway, that was the past three years for me in a condensed form. I wish all of you the best and that you quit drinking if you want to.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Hi DrunkenDonuts, thank you for such an inspiring post, it needs repeating as often as possible imo that the toughness of early recovery does not last forever, it does get easier.
I remember your early posts as we quit around the same time and you were single like me. I seem to remember that you went through some tough days too, which was also like me.
Anyway, well done DD and good luck with the buying and selling (it is sometimes called Flipping in the UK)
I remember your early posts as we quit around the same time and you were single like me. I seem to remember that you went through some tough days too, which was also like me.
Anyway, well done DD and good luck with the buying and selling (it is sometimes called Flipping in the UK)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 418
Originally Posted by saoutchik 
it is sometimes called Flipping in the UK
I call it flipping as well, but I don't think a lot of people would know what the hell I was talking about if I used that term.
Hope things are going well for you as well
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hey, Donuts,
This is one of the most honest, and hope-filled, posts I've seen on SR in a long time.
Congratulations to you on your accomplishments. Always know that what you've done is nothing short of remarkable.
This is one of the most honest, and hope-filled, posts I've seen on SR in a long time.
Congratulations to you on your accomplishments. Always know that what you've done is nothing short of remarkable.
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