Pud

My husband has been doing really well with only occasional binges but still lying to my face when I ask outright if he’s been drinking, then getting very upset and sorry when I find the bottle (always in the same place). He went to the doctor, made the appointment himself, and had bloods done which amazingly were pretty much normal apart from one which was definitely alcohol related. He had a lapse a couple of weeks ago when he said he could be trusted with his cash card, then my worst nightmare last week when I got out the shower to find him on the floor, blood from a head wound and totally incoherent. He has no idea how he fell but I’m sure he tripped over our little cat. Ambulance took him to Hospital and I followed as I needed the car to get us home. Five hours later we got home, 2 am, no lasting damage but I have no idea how to react. I love him and would rather have him this way than not at all, but I don’t know whether to be angry, compassionate or matter of fact. He needs to get how serious this is but I’m frightened if I go on about it it’ll make him worse, but I can’t spend my days when I’m at work which is really stressful then panicking about what I might find when I get home. He does 2 12 hour days then two 12 Hour nights then four days off so he does spend quite a lot of time of his own as I do four days, already dropped one day to spend more time with him. He says now that he knows how bad this was and it’ll never happen again but much as I want to believe him he’s said it all before. Sorry this is so long, still trying to process the horror of coming downstairs and finding him. He’s a very privare and shy person and wouldnt go to group meetings, he tried a one to one a couple of years ago but that didn’t help. I’ve ordered the Big Book cos I heard it might help. Any advice would be hugely appreciated xx

JJ991

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Do you think it is worth asking if he will give AA a try again? If he is truly sorry and ready to quit then he might well agree.

My husband was in this situation with his dad. They lived together once family had split up. He came home one night to find his dad collapsed behind the door. He got regular calls from the pub to collect him. He was never truly sorry as I understand it. Hopefully this us where your husband differs.
X

SparkleKitty

Hey Pud, one thing about alcoholism, it's progressive. So as managable as you might find it right now, left un-dealt with in any meaningful way, it's going to get worse. The lying, the hiding, the consequences. You may rather have him this way than not at all, right now, but "this way" is not always going to be this way.

As far as how you react, you need to honor your feelings. You did not cause, you cannot control, nor can you cure his addiction. Stuffing your feelings or hiding them isn't going to do anything but make YOU sick. Sometimes we enable our partners and call it love and support, but walking on eggshells to protect an active addict from the consequences of their actions doesn't actually help anyone.

You admit that he has thusfar been all talk and no action. I think someone who is truly committed to recovery would go to any lengths to get all the help and support that is available to them. You can order all the Big Books you want, but if he doesn't take charge of his own plan to recover, it's not going to make much difference.

If you like, come join us over on the Friends & Family of Alcoholics Forum. There's lots of good experience, strength, and hope there:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

Anna

Welcome!

I hope your husband decides to stop drinking for good.

You might consider AlAnon in your area as a support for yourself.

Dee74

Hi Pud - welcome

I'm sorry for your situation. I'm not sure there's any right way to react, but I do know that your husbands recovery depends on him wanting to change, not on your reactions.

Sounds like you need some support and you'll definitely find that here
Anna also suggested AlAnon - is that something you'd consider, Pud?

D