faith823

I am just so down. I just came off a gruesome withdrawal.
am sure I am not completely done. My face is stinging and dry.
I know its the vodka exiting my pours. My ex- trying to pick me to get out of my parents house for lunch. Doesn't want to see me
I gave up my car because I was not using it when I lived with him. Now I could really use it. I been on the phone all week interviewing . Three calls per job query so it takes forever. Just limbo and I feel doom.
I also just don't feel physically well. I even contemplated getting in the shower and going for wine oh ummm I mean pizza.. right!
so that poison can tell me that all is just fine and your life is great. Just to get out. To interact with the world. I just can't leave the house today. Its day 3. I need to take a shower maybe a hot bath. Scrub my face. Eat something. Leave the boyfriend alone and spend another day in my room reading the internet. I can not be trusted to go out today. I am going to get into the shower now. I will keep you posted if I feel a bit better. I have such a headache and want to cry at the drop of a hat. Feel like garbage. Broken. I just need a job/routine/my kitty/and my bf back.

biminiblue

Stay the course.

Do the next right thing.

It will get better.

ProfessorD

You are doing all the right things! If you can get through this rough patch, there will be better days ahead.

DarklingSong

Thinking of you Faith. The early days are just rotten. Just do the bare minimum and don't drink. It will be better soon.
((((hugs))))

Delilah1

Taking a shower should help you to feel a little better. The early days are tough, up the good news is if you stay the course you won't ever have to go through them again.

I found getting out of the house to get some fresh air always helped as well. Maybe you can muster up the energy to go for a short walk, and then come back and hang on SR.

If the withdrawals are bad have someone take you to ER, they can help you get through the early days if needed.

Sending lots of positive vibes and hugs your way, onward to day four!

faith823

Thank you all.
I did shower and take a hot bath. scrubbed my face and put on my face cream. made a three egg omelet with ham so got some protein in me.
Sipping ice cold water. I have a glass of diet coke but its just not good for me. I appreciate the support and hope. If I can stay sober long term (or when I stay sober long term) these last couple of months will be a flash in the pan. I plan on going for an hour long walk tomorrow. I just have no energy today want to rest. It weird how I actually felt physically better yesterday. This is just so stupid and ridiculous of me to keep putting myself through this over and over. OK Enough about me. I am going to poke around and read other peoples experiences!

YOU GUYS

Rar

You can do this Faith. Hang in there. You are doing the right things and tomorrow will be better. I have found that in recovery (and life) "Some days are diamonds - Some days are stones. " (Neil Diamond). Today you are having a stone day. Tomorrow will be a diamond.

Hevyn

Faith - It's good that you posted how you're feeling. You're never alone. Most of us have been through the same horrible time. I wish I'd written down how I felt in the early days of quitting - I was filed with misery & fear - but knew I had to stick with it or die.

You should feel a bit better each day - this awful feeling can't last forever. You'll be free, and life will be good once again. Look forward to a bright new day filled with hope and enthusiasm. It will come. Glad you are here!

faith823

Thank you so much. I am crying- I am just so full of shame all the time even with the sober time I accumulate then throw out the window.
constant fear of am I going to be "found out" and so far everyone that in my past does know. Its going to take a lot of humility to be strong. I guess that is a big piece of recovery. Now I understand why. Its been really bad in the past dealing with this disease. But I still always took my will back. I have to say I can not drink any more its life or death for real.
I was told that it has always been life or death but some how I know in MYSELF now it is. Maybe its a blessing and I have the gift of desperation FINALLY. I hope so.

Hevyn

That's what it had to come down to for me, faith. I had to truly, deep in my heart, know it was life or death. No one could tell me, though they tried.

faith823

Thank you Hevyn.

I am also so grateful to be alive! I should of been dead so many times. I have been very lucky.

Just typing the above makes me feel better. I am grateful I am alive and I
have another chance

dizzybee

I am sending you support! Hope you’re taking good care of yourself!

Delilah1

Listen to your body, even if you go out for a five to ten minute walk tomorrow to just get out and get some air.

faith823

Thanks Deliah,
yes going to be 50 degrees tomorrow so I will take a nice walk.
thank you for all your caring advice.

faith823

Rar tomorrow I am aiming for a diamond day!!

Dee74

Sober tiume is never lost Faith - we learn a lot from it, and from our relapses.

Use all that data and make a kick ass plan - today is the day to focus on, not yesterday

D

Ghoster18

I have just seen your thread
I am grateful for all your support for me Faith
And I am here for you
You are in my prayers
I am on day 20
You were a part of my support system that helped me get here.
I have deep compassionate empathy with any brother or sister who is on the difficult but definitely doable path of recovery.
Big hugs from me to you.
G