Jewel72

I was on this site several years ago because I was concerned about my wine consumption. Well, I stopped posting, decided I didn’t have a problem, and went about my life continuing to drink wine almost every day. I’m back. This isn’t day one, but tomorrow has to be the end of this madness. I can relate to so many posts I have read. Wine has taken over my life. I feel so unhealthy and foggy brained most of the time. I’m embarrassed to look people in the eyes because mine look so tired and red.

I knew I had to come back here for support when I started carrying the small plastic wine bottles in my purse....just in case I wasn’t able to have another glass out at dinner. My family/husband doesn’t know how much I drink, but I do, and more importantly God does. I know He wants so much more for me than the life I’m existing in. Wine has become a stronghold.

Today was supposed to be day one, but I gave in again and stopped at the store for that last time...one more night....one more night. This is so deceitful. I need to become a non drinker for the rest of my life.

I know some will ask what my plan is, so I will tell you I plan on telling my husband I want his support (he rarely drinks), and I will come here for support and encouragement. I will not buy any more wine and I will begin to embrace life as a non drinker. Also looking forward to getting back to health and running 🏃🏻*♀️.

I am so thrilled to see Dee74 here still! You are such an encourager D! Love this place....glad to be back. Thank you for reading.

Dee74

Thanks for the kind words - welcome back Quitnow
Lean on us and you'll get that day one - maybe even tip out the rest of what you have tonight?
D

Hevyn

Quitnow - it's so good to have you with us.

I, too, tried to convince myself I could drink socially (if I just used more willpower). The results were disastrous, dangerous, & life-threatening. The only way for us to stay safe is to not touch a drop - wish I'd admitted that many years ago. It's wonderful to be free of it.

least

Welcome back! I hope you'll utilize the support here to help you get sober for good.

Jewel72

Hi D! And “least”...I recognize your name too. Yes, I know I can’t drink socially or once a week or only on weekends. No. I have to stop for good and I’m really going to make the effort this time and accept/enjoy the fact that I can’t drink.

D, Do you still have your story posted somewhere? How long have you been sober now? Thank you for being here.

Mac4711

Hello and welcome to the family! I am one of those guys who would ask you what your plan is, but before we get there, you actually have to put down the drink. Maybe tomorrow is the day you tell your husband and that way hold yourself accountable?

Anna

Welcome back!

It sounds like you are ready to do this.

You know you will find lots of support here.

Done4today

Welcome back quit now.

D122y

Quit,

For me...staying clean is about suffering.

I relate it to jogging. It is the closest thing I can describe.

The suffering I feel when I am running. It hurts, I know I can make it stop.

Staying sober started out like that.

Now it is easier, but there is a low level suffering that still relates to jogging.

The brain damage is real.

The anxiety and obsessions were there in spades for well over a year, decreasing slowly up until now.

Now it is about me being normal. I am not used to being normal

I tell folks...am a little jacked up, but i am getting better.

I don't tell folks it is from drinking, but it is. I know it.

I have unlearned drinking. Proud non drinker here.

Addict for life.

Thanks.

24violets

Hey welcome back!! Nice to meet you. I think you should change that name into quit forever.

Jewel72

Yes, Quit forever is a beautiful name. I did partake of my wine tonight, but I just dumped the last half bottle out....thank you Dee74. So done with this misery...really, I’ll be back here at a clean day one tomorrow and please pray for me. Thank you all.

Hopedeferred

Wow...I could have written what you just posted, complete with the stinking little plastic bottles hid in my purse! I'm about 30 hours in to my new life...hope you can decide in this moment to dump what you have and give that evil stronghold a good kick in the butt! The sooner you start, the sooner you'll feel better. Going to try to run a bit tomorrow myself, maybe "wog jog." Welcome back...we've got this!

Hopedeferred

Oh missed this...that's wonderful! Consider it your first victory. And the first day of a new, clear, beautiful life. And I'd be honored to pray for you.

Dee74

See you tomorrow Quitnow

D

Shebeens

Hi. I am stunned by how many stories are so similar. Mine sounds like yours. I felt so alone and now realize after finding this site that there are so many of us wine addicted out there. Wishing you well!

ProfessorD

Welcome back! There is so much in your story that I relate to--the secrecy, the lies, knowing that you are not living up to your full potential. I've only been on the site a couple of weeks, but it seems very common that people need to take a couple of swings at sobriety before it finally hits. I hope you knock it out of the park this time!

ubntubnt

I know, it really makes you think doesn't it. I mean we know alcohol is a big killer and does a lot of damage but I reckon its way, way, way underestimated. I am another that looks like a light social drinker to the outside world to all but a couple of people but have an alcohol problem so damaging it has almost killed me and destroyed me. There seem to be so many like that. amazing.

biminiblue

Welcome to Day One.

You can make that drink last night your last one.

The first few days are uncomfortable: I had racing thoughts, high anxiety. If anyone so much as looked at me I was ready to cry.

Hang on! Keep reading. Welcome back.

Jewel72

Thank you all for your replies and posts! It is sobering (pun intended to read and learn how many of us drink wine in excess/and in secret. Anyway, here I am Day 1 for good. No more excuses. I am excited to get rid of this demon and live life fully. Can’t wait to get back to healthy running/dieting.

Thank you for the support and I look forward to being there for you, too.

I will be back here later today since the voice starts trying to convince me in the afternoon. No more...”one more nights”. I’m sick and tired of hating myself every morning.

Jewel72

Day 4 here....so pleased: I went a whole weekend without wine. Kept myself busy, ran, and just reminded myself I am a non drinker. I cannot remember the last time I didn’t drink on a weekend.

Husband asked me if this meant I wouldn’t have that glass of wine every now and then (he rarely even drinks) and I explained to him I can’t. One is never enough...two doesn’t satisfy, and it just opens up the floodgates for the whole vicious cycle. I think he likes how relaxed/carefree I am after the first few glasses. But he doesn’t know the pain and misery I felt every morning. Also he didn’t know that I was sneaking more than he saw. His question brought about slight thoughts that maybe I could handle this again. But I didn’t entertain those thoughts for long because I have been here so many times. This is such a mind game and I want to win.