is this the real me? Or a phase?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 172
is this the real me? Or a phase?
I have a new nightly routine which I enjoy very much, my book Drinkin: A Love Story came yesterday and I’ve already read half (couldn’t put it down for the short time I get each day), I’m enjoying looking forward to tea and the thought of a buzz makes me feel nauseous and headache-y.....so all good things, but I’ve been beyond cranky today and yesterday. I’m bored and the sober happiness has faded even though I don’t want a drink. Is this part of the process? I have used alcohol for so long to curb my boredom and any time I get irritated, so I don’t know if this is the real me. (On day 19)
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
19 days is early sobriety, but it probably seems like an eternity to you. When I was in early sobriety I enjoyed reading a lot of recovery books. I found it helpful to read books from people with drinking problems, learn how they recovered, and what their life is like in sobriety.
I bought a lot of books for my Kindle, it was easy, and anonymous.
One book I remember really enjoying was Dry: A Memoir - by Augusten Burroughs.
I bought a lot of books for my Kindle, it was easy, and anonymous.
One book I remember really enjoying was Dry: A Memoir - by Augusten Burroughs.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
My experience with this is described in the AA big book quite well. It was the result of trying to live with untreated alcoholism. The time span varies from a wekk or two to possibly years, but it went roughly like this.
The moment of defeat/surrender where I realised alcohol had me beat again, and an earnest commitment not to drink again. Making that decision brought some relief and the cessation of hostilities and drama that went with it brought a kind of relief like a pink cloud. Just knowing I wasn't adding more fuel to the fire was tremendously reassuring. (Except that I didn't know that I was)
Then the old thinking would come back and the conflicts would resume. I have heard it referred to as the rebuilding of the ego. The euphoria goes away, and the battle with life begins again. So I found myself feeling restless, irritable and discontent unless I can again experience the sense of ease and comfort (a delusion) that comes at once through taking a few drinks, drinks I see others taking with impunity.
The best time to get on with treatment is in that early surrender stage. It is a sort of window of opportunity which will stay open for a limited time. No one knows how long it will stay open. It seems for me I had no more than three weeks to get busy or the window closed and the obsession returned and I was drinking again.
The thing with me was that just not drinking provided only temporary relief, never a lasting solution. Life sober became progressively more miserable, until I found a better way to live which is what the treatment provided.
That may not be the case with a problem drinker, but it seems to be very common in alcoholics of my type.
The moment of defeat/surrender where I realised alcohol had me beat again, and an earnest commitment not to drink again. Making that decision brought some relief and the cessation of hostilities and drama that went with it brought a kind of relief like a pink cloud. Just knowing I wasn't adding more fuel to the fire was tremendously reassuring. (Except that I didn't know that I was)
Then the old thinking would come back and the conflicts would resume. I have heard it referred to as the rebuilding of the ego. The euphoria goes away, and the battle with life begins again. So I found myself feeling restless, irritable and discontent unless I can again experience the sense of ease and comfort (a delusion) that comes at once through taking a few drinks, drinks I see others taking with impunity.
The best time to get on with treatment is in that early surrender stage. It is a sort of window of opportunity which will stay open for a limited time. No one knows how long it will stay open. It seems for me I had no more than three weeks to get busy or the window closed and the obsession returned and I was drinking again.
The thing with me was that just not drinking provided only temporary relief, never a lasting solution. Life sober became progressively more miserable, until I found a better way to live which is what the treatment provided.
That may not be the case with a problem drinker, but it seems to be very common in alcoholics of my type.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Oh boy, same question over here. I'm just on day 8 but the real challenge for me ALWAYS comes when the pink cloud leaves and the boredom hits in. That goes for any habit change I'm making: exercise, healthy eating, professional goals etc. Lately I've just been reminding myself that it's a slow process and as long as I don't drink I can figure it out day by day. Being bored, being frustrated, being annoyed is easy to get through compared to the hell that was drinking. For me at least.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
It took me about 90 days to find a consistency in my emotions and who I might be sober.
Other peoples experiences might vary little on that timeframe but yeah - it generally takes a little time to work out who sober us is
Feeling stuff sometimes left me panicked in the early days.
I had to learn it was ok to be bored and irritable - those things can be dealt with &things will get better again, so long as we don't drink on them
D
Other peoples experiences might vary little on that timeframe but yeah - it generally takes a little time to work out who sober us is
Feeling stuff sometimes left me panicked in the early days.
I had to learn it was ok to be bored and irritable - those things can be dealt with &things will get better again, so long as we don't drink on them
D
Last edited by Dee74; 01-19-2018 at 10:43 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
What they said - plus, I must say that I found out the hard way: Reading about recovery is one thing, but working it is quite another. Like the difference between reading a recipe book and actually using it to direct your actions.
My comfort in recovery has been, along the way and to varying degrees, all directly proportionate to the action I was willing to take. As someone who lives reading and is more academic than proactive it took a while for me to realise this and caused me unnecessarily extended pain and discomfort.
BB
My comfort in recovery has been, along the way and to varying degrees, all directly proportionate to the action I was willing to take. As someone who lives reading and is more academic than proactive it took a while for me to realise this and caused me unnecessarily extended pain and discomfort.
BB
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
For me, the great thing about living sober is that every single day I discover who the real me is and the real me is changing and growing every day.
Day 20 is very early days. I spent my early days allowing that my brain and body had a lot of healing to do. I kept my expectations of any changes in myself, very small, as the healing needed time. I was all over the place emotionally, but I knew it would be worth it so I just kept taking the next step.
Admittedly, it was messy for a while, but I persevered and it turned out that I was right, it has been worth it!
Stick with it, no matter what, you are doing fantastic
Day 20 is very early days. I spent my early days allowing that my brain and body had a lot of healing to do. I kept my expectations of any changes in myself, very small, as the healing needed time. I was all over the place emotionally, but I knew it would be worth it so I just kept taking the next step.
Admittedly, it was messy for a while, but I persevered and it turned out that I was right, it has been worth it!
Stick with it, no matter what, you are doing fantastic
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