That sinking feeling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
That sinking feeling
Hi,
I just had a job opportunity become available today that was a perfect
fit and exactly what I have been searching for.
Low and behold I got a call that the position was filled today.
I am crushed. I am dwelling. I am hopeless and I am anxious.
I want to obliterate this feeling and have my "crutch" tell me
its okay, it wasn't meant to be, their loss, something else will pop up etc..etc.. or to just not care at all .
I am putting all my faith in the fact if I stay sober things will work out.
So the very first thing that does not work as ((I)) plan excuse to drink.
But then the phrase life on life terms pops up into my head today.
I have to stay the course. I have to get through this disappointment.
I have to move on Sober. Thanks for listening . Lots of mind racing at the moment ..
I just had a job opportunity become available today that was a perfect
fit and exactly what I have been searching for.
Low and behold I got a call that the position was filled today.
I am crushed. I am dwelling. I am hopeless and I am anxious.
I want to obliterate this feeling and have my "crutch" tell me
its okay, it wasn't meant to be, their loss, something else will pop up etc..etc.. or to just not care at all .
I am putting all my faith in the fact if I stay sober things will work out.
So the very first thing that does not work as ((I)) plan excuse to drink.
But then the phrase life on life terms pops up into my head today.
I have to stay the course. I have to get through this disappointment.
I have to move on Sober. Thanks for listening . Lots of mind racing at the moment ..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Thank you Anna!! I am trying so hard to get through these let downs sober. I need to humble myself and be grateful that I am safe , warm and alive. I was so sick and lost the last year. There are lot of people going through a lot worst than I am. I will say a prayer.
Thank you again.
Thank you again.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Faith - I'm so sorry for the sadness this has caused you. Very proud of you for coming here to discuss your feelings. Finally, we've learned that getting numb for a while does absolutely nothing to help or comfort us. We know the only way to deal with these things is to face them with a clear head & keep going. Better days are coming. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Yes I need to put on my big girl pants and move on.
My number one concern needs to be my sobriety.
I also just told an old friend not to message me on FB any longer.
Just want's to engage in political debates or any argument really. Nonsense I do not need in my life right now.
Frustrates me and infuriates me to no end. I am trying to be aware of my triggers and feelings. Thank you for listening
My number one concern needs to be my sobriety.
I also just told an old friend not to message me on FB any longer.
Just want's to engage in political debates or any argument really. Nonsense I do not need in my life right now.
Frustrates me and infuriates me to no end. I am trying to be aware of my triggers and feelings. Thank you for listening
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 110
I can so relate to this. I have lost out on many a position and the first reaction is to blame myself. I took it personally when in reality there are a million reasons why they didn't choose me. And not one of them is personal. Good luck with your search...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 131
Ive met people that have come into the rooms, stop drinking and be dead within the first two months, one of which was a lady who would cough her way through the meeting and she was so grateful that she had finally stopped drinking before she died. So long and short nothing a drink can't make worse, no matter the situation. Sometimes its easy to get caught up in life and forget that, talking to myself there too
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
I completely relate to this. My drinking really ramped up due to issues with work/ searching for the perfect job. It seemed like the only way to comfort myself when disappointments came. I think sitting with the feelings and not numbing them is key. Wish I could go back and do that when I got all my job rejections.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
When i think back to how I was in my first few months sober I can see that this would not have been a good time for me to be in a new job, learning new things (at about a month to two months I had the worst washing-machine head ever) and trying to make a positive impression and meet new collegues. It would have been too much and I would easily have blown it. As it was my long term boss was really worried about me at that time. But once I'd started really working in my recovery and had developed the tools for living life on life's terms, trusting my own integrity rather than being so let reliant on others opinions and feedback (I can be a little codependent in that way, and when I work on my recovery it eases that), and having my full mental capacity reinstated - then I'd have really been able to cope with it and do well.
Why not focus on you recovery for now so that when the next opportunity comes up you'll be ready to make the most of it. Life gives us what we can cope with. What we need. Sometimes that isn't the same as what we want. Sobriety and recovery together enable us to deal with disappointments. In the last two weeks my cat died and the home we were all set to purchase got snappled up by someone else, despite our offer having been accepted previously. The cat did cause some tears, and the house some disappointment, but I didn't get sucked into the old pit of self-pity (I was kind of waiting for it to suddenly suck me in, but it didn't happen). I realised afterwards that I'd been using gratitude to help me through these events. And talking to others rather than isolating. So those tools are starting to become second nature to me (about time some might say lol).
Anyway. I know this is disappointing. But please resist punishing yourself with any self pity. It sounds like you're doing well anyway,
And if that friend persists with sending their negativity through to you then you can always block them for a while.
BB
Why not focus on you recovery for now so that when the next opportunity comes up you'll be ready to make the most of it. Life gives us what we can cope with. What we need. Sometimes that isn't the same as what we want. Sobriety and recovery together enable us to deal with disappointments. In the last two weeks my cat died and the home we were all set to purchase got snappled up by someone else, despite our offer having been accepted previously. The cat did cause some tears, and the house some disappointment, but I didn't get sucked into the old pit of self-pity (I was kind of waiting for it to suddenly suck me in, but it didn't happen). I realised afterwards that I'd been using gratitude to help me through these events. And talking to others rather than isolating. So those tools are starting to become second nature to me (about time some might say lol).
Anyway. I know this is disappointing. But please resist punishing yourself with any self pity. It sounds like you're doing well anyway,
And if that friend persists with sending their negativity through to you then you can always block them for a while.
BB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
we have a local chapter of a professional society to which i belong. actually the chapter only got going again a couple years ago. last year, prior to chapter elections, i was invited to put in a nomination for the president-elect position. kind of an ego stroke, and after some deep contemplation, i decided why not?
and i didn't get it. part of me was relieved...as i i didn't have to worry about extra commitments, and being a grown up etc. but part of me was pretty disappointed. but gaily forward. i remained involved, and did my best to help out with arranging a local meeting.
the problem was.....they picked a location way out in bum F, fairly rural area, not near a bus line, light rail,hell 7-11?? lol and the facility was hardly a real professional setting, more suited a 4H meeting. kinda rang a little warning bell with me.........are these guys THAT out of touch? pick a place 30 miles south of seattle, with an 8am sign in time, and not a bus stop in hiking distance???
anyways, i suddenly "fell ill" right before the meeting and wasn't able to make it. cuz i can be sooooo lame when i choose to!
a couple weeks ago, i rec'd an email from the region president. she said that maybe i had "missed" the email announcing elections for the coming year, but would i be interested in running for president elect again??
ah the immediate ego stroke. they want me!! but then i looked thru my emails, junk folder, spam folder, and whatever email they did send out did NOT come to me. which made me wonder how many others did NOT get the email? then i read her "invite" more closely.....she sent it to me on the DAY the nominations were DUE and also said, they'd probably have to extend the deadline because they had not rec'd ANY nominations for ANY position yet!!!?
NO ONE? in the tri state region has bothered to or been interested enough in submitting for an officer position? and you THINK you might have to extend the deadline?
suddenly that "offer" wasn't sounding so good. and suddenly i was REALLY grateful the universe knew better and i did not get conscripted to what appears to be a sinking ship!!!! i didn't see at the time.....but i sure do now!!!
so when you don't "get" what you think you want, there is likely a good reason, a bigger plan, a better plan.
and i didn't get it. part of me was relieved...as i i didn't have to worry about extra commitments, and being a grown up etc. but part of me was pretty disappointed. but gaily forward. i remained involved, and did my best to help out with arranging a local meeting.
the problem was.....they picked a location way out in bum F, fairly rural area, not near a bus line, light rail,hell 7-11?? lol and the facility was hardly a real professional setting, more suited a 4H meeting. kinda rang a little warning bell with me.........are these guys THAT out of touch? pick a place 30 miles south of seattle, with an 8am sign in time, and not a bus stop in hiking distance???
anyways, i suddenly "fell ill" right before the meeting and wasn't able to make it. cuz i can be sooooo lame when i choose to!
a couple weeks ago, i rec'd an email from the region president. she said that maybe i had "missed" the email announcing elections for the coming year, but would i be interested in running for president elect again??
ah the immediate ego stroke. they want me!! but then i looked thru my emails, junk folder, spam folder, and whatever email they did send out did NOT come to me. which made me wonder how many others did NOT get the email? then i read her "invite" more closely.....she sent it to me on the DAY the nominations were DUE and also said, they'd probably have to extend the deadline because they had not rec'd ANY nominations for ANY position yet!!!?
NO ONE? in the tri state region has bothered to or been interested enough in submitting for an officer position? and you THINK you might have to extend the deadline?
suddenly that "offer" wasn't sounding so good. and suddenly i was REALLY grateful the universe knew better and i did not get conscripted to what appears to be a sinking ship!!!! i didn't see at the time.....but i sure do now!!!
so when you don't "get" what you think you want, there is likely a good reason, a bigger plan, a better plan.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 201
You did something kind for yourself by asking your friend to stop messaging you and starting arguments. I think that was a really big step in self care and I admire you for it. I'm sorry you didn't get the job, but I am glad you are still sober today. When the next opportunity comes around, you will be even more prepared than you were before. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by hez1979 
My son died at 5 months... what was the reason?
I don’t mean to be offensive but I hate that statement. I’m sorry it’s a bad day for me
I don’t mean to be offensive but I hate that statement. I’m sorry it’s a bad day for me
But you know, no one on here caused that pain, and taking their comment out of context and applying it to something as tragic as you are speaking of really isn't going to help anyone. Not you, not them, and certainly not the person who started this thread to get some support themselves.
This is one of the most supportive forums I have ever found. Why not start a thread about why today's been a hard one for you so you can get the support you need today.
I hope the day gets easier with time. Maybe go for a sleep and have a restart in an hour or so if that's possible.
BB
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