lovingliving

I've been a lurker here for years and in and out of sobriety but the last few months I've really noticed the deterioration of my health and quality of life so I'm done with booze for good. I'm only on day two but a 3/4 time a week drinker so I'm feeling pretty confident about it. Longest I've made it to is 42 days but that was when I still thought I could control it. I know I can't now. I binge every time 8-12 drinks. I get sloppy

That said I told my fiancé that I am moving out today. I'm not blaming him for my drinking but he is a pretty heavy drinker too and often initiates our drinking. I've lived on my own in the past and found it to be the easiest way to stay sober. I'm only moving 5 minutes away and I want to stay together. But I know that I need this to get myself on track and stay healthy. I feel like he wants me to keep drinking and is not good for my sobriety.

He wants me to stay and threatens to break up with me if I leave. I've already found a place and will move in 10 days. Losing the relationship is a chance I'll have to take. I need to be selfish and focus on me. I've tried so many times and so many ways. I just don't think I can get sober in this dysfunctional codependent relationship. At least not while living under the same roof.

Am I being too hasty? Anyone have experience with leaving a relationship when trying to stay sober?

Maudcat

Hi, lovingliving.
I think you are doing the right thing.
Whether your relationship will survive your goal to remain sober is a question that only time will reveal.
Good luck.
Glad you are making this change.
It will be worth it.

least

I think it's a bit harsh of him to threaten you with breaking up if you move out. If he truly loves you, he should want you to be healthy whatever it takes.

Silverback4

Sorry to hear of what you are going through.
Well done on deciding to get sober.
Regarding moving out and your other half, only you know what’s right for you.
I personally would avoid any hasty decisions.
How much does your partner know or understand of your struggle or your desire to get sober?

grayghost1965

Sounds like his favorite thing about the relationship is having a live-in drinking buddy. You're better than that.

Dee74

Hi and welcome lovingliving

His response to you moving out leads me to speculate moving out is probably a good idea?

Best wishes

D

lovingliving

Thanks all! I know I'm making the right decision but it's hard because I do really love him. I just know this is not a healthy relationship and we've tried many times to get sober together. The only way I know how is to separate myself physically from him. At least until I can get a handle on it myself

BlownOne

He wants me to stay and threatens to break up with me if I leave.

That's not love. That's manipulation. True love would say "do what you need to do to be happy and healthy be it living with me or without me". Period.
Just my own take, I guess.