MintMacaroon

I went to see my mother yesterday. I explained everything. I told her that my drinking was out of control, and that I needed help. I also told her that I got a DUI, and that financially I was about to be in bad shape.

She really didn't have anything to say. Its always been that way. For as long as I can remember, she has always lacked the ability to express herself, show emotion, or simply just ask me, 'how are you doing?'

Don't get me wrong. I don't blame my mother for how things turned out for me. I'm an adult, and I screwed up my own life. But I'm just feeling that I don't have the support, that I thought that I would have. It just makes everything feel pointless.

SoulShine8

Mint it isn't pointless. You are important. I am sorry your ex is an ass, I am sorry you got a DUI, I am sorry your mom can't say the things you need to hear right now. My mom is my rock going thru this DUI but she isn't with me all the time and she has said things I don't need to hear and also things I do need to hear (and they weren't so great). One of those things was that I am an alcoholic. After all these years she just came right out and said it on the way home from jail. It was almost a relief to hear it but it hurt too. I am rooting for you to get through this day by day. I can certainly sympathize with feelings you are having. I hope you keep reading here and posting. And trying to and finding some things that take your mind off it or things that comfort you. It's hard for me to go to work each day but I do and I am so relieved when I get home safe each night counting off another day of this hell I put myself in. It's going to get better one day, it's just slow going to get there right now. I'm praying for you

Dee74

Hey MM - many of us didn't get the support we wanted or expected form family or friends. It doesn't mean this is pointless - it simply means we look for support elsewhere - be it SR AA or other groups.

There are people who understand and people who will tell you you're worth the struggle, and mean it

There is absolutely no shortage of support

D

Sammy1980

I think when you went to your mom you were just looking for a hug. Use this website as your support system and you will get plenty of hugs. You can get through this and in time this will be in the past.

Nonsensical

"It" sure does.
"It" = alcohol
Stop using it for 90 days and see if I'm wrong.

Best of luck on your journey!

SoulShine8

Mint I hope you are doing good today. I thought of you.
I think there is a part of you that is stronger than you think, else you wouldn't be on here posting. Take care.

MintMacaroon

I got checked in for detox. One of their requirements was no phone, no internet, and a focus on recovery. They put me on Ativan to help with the withdrawal. I stayed there for a week, and then went in to outpatient treatment. I've been sober for 19 days. I don't feel good. I'm not shaking or sweating anymore. I still have a hard time getting to sleep. I should be taking a mg about every six hours as needed only. No more than 4mg a day. I've been taking closer to 7. I need two to be able to sleep at night. I've stopped drinking, but I've been asking myself if I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. Did anyone else take benzos for withdrawal? How long were you on them? How long before you stopped taking them? Does the insomnia ever go away?

Dee74

Have you thought about seeing a doctor MM?

Adjusting our dose ourselves is a lot like self medication, and thats what got most of us in trouble in the first place.

how much is left on the script?

D

Arpeggioh

After 19 days without drinking, your physical withdrawal from alcohol is probably finished (not a doctor, just my experience.) It's very easy to abuse Ativan, and 2x prescribed dosage is definitely edging into abuse and/or dependence. They can certainly take the edge off from anxiety, which makes them very appealing, and therefore risky.

But yeah, insomnia sucks, and they certainly help with that. Some safer, more natural, non-addictive sleep aids might include a hot bath, meditation, reading, "sleep music," chamomile tea, warm milk with honey, half a turkey sandwich, melatonin (a habit I picked up, ironically, at a detox facility; I figured if it helped me sleep there, it might be helpful at home. And it is!)

But I think most importantly: congratulations on (now) 20 days sober; lack of sleep never killed anybody, but alcohol certainly has. Keep up the good fight, and post here a lot; we're all on your side...

Berrybean

You know, probably the most important thing to come out of talking to your mum about that stuff would never be anything she could say back. It is the fact that it is no longer a secret. When things are a secret they hold even more fear and therefore power over us. At least now you've told her you don't need to worry about her finding out some other way, or how to hide it, or what excuse to use if she asks you to use the car for something that is currently prohibited.

I think you should get bavk in touch with whoever gave you the prescription that you're currently abusing so they can help you in some other way. They must have realised it was a risk given the fact that you have addictive tendencies and are on a low, so probably won't be a massive shock or surprise to them.

Have you considered recovery aside from medicating? AA or similar perhaps?

BB

b0glerd69

I look back on relationship splits as a kind of grief, not dis-similar to losing a family member in that it takes around 18 months to come through the grieving process and be 'over it'. I don't think you ever really 'get over' people you have loved deeply but learn to cope, without them. I mention this as I think it's healthy to recognise that you are going through a grieving process and therefore to give yourself the best possible chance of navigating it. The first thing on the list would be ditching the wine and concentrating on your health and wellbeing. Stay close to true friends and family. My 2 cents. Sorry to hear about your pain, good luck with your recovery.