oldwriter

After eight nights, some of them pretty difficult, of being sober, I drank yesterday in Thanksgiving. We celebrated at my son's new house. Had me, my wife, my two sons, and my two grandkids over (and later a close friend of one of my sons).

Anyway, he had a bottle of vodka in the freezer and plenty of Angry Orchard in the fridge. Both sons were drinking the Angry Orchards throughout the afternoon. My son offered me one and I initially said "no".

I said "no" to myself for hours and hours, but as the sun got lower on the horizon, I impulsively had a shot of vodka and then pulled an Angry Orchard out of the fridge and sipped on it for a while.

The "buzz" felt good but I kept thinking how this was going to affect my body plus the fact that I'd just crashed and burned.

By the time dinner was ready, the effect had worn off. I could have pulled another bottle out and drank it but didn't. At least I resisted that much.

I could tell myself that since I failed I might as well drink tonight too, but I don't want to do that.

This sucks. I hate what I did. What the *bleep* is wrong with me?

Eaglelizard

I think it took a lot of will power to stop after a couple of drinks and to leave it there. I know would have a hard time stopping after one shot of vodka. Maybe better to avoid these situations for a while?

least

What's wrong with you is what's wrong with us: you're having a hard time saying "no".

Do you have a solid sobriety plan in place? If you can't get out of the situation, have a plan to deal with it.

Now start again and develop a plan!

biminiblue

Okay. You got that out of the way.

Have you read through Dee's thread on making a plan? There's a good one about Holidays too...here's that one:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ers-2-0-a.html (Thanksgiving and Xmas Survival Guide vers 2.0)

I take it you hadn't told your family you quit drinking?

Old habits are not that easy to break, but I just tell myself I don't drink alcohol and have a plan for what I DO drink.

doggonecarl

I think you know what is wrong with you. Or maybe you don't. Have you accepted that you are an alcoholic? If not, it's pretty hard to apply the solution.

Are you an alcoholic? When you came to SR you were scared for your health, recognized alcohol as the culprit, and was determined never to drink again. Yet you did.

The big book points out:

"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. "

There's a lot more in the big book of AA that may describe your problem. And the solution.

Take drinking off the table. Accept never drinking again. Deal with the short-term discomfort of early sobriety, and work a program that will show you how to cope without alcohol. More importantly, how to live and love the sober life.

AAPJ

Well you fell of your bike so to speak. Now dust yourself off and don't drink today. Today will be better.

Hawkeye13

Jump right back on the wagon with a plan--what can you do
that builds your recovery beyond just not drinking?

Use it as a learning opportunity

BixBees505

Stay with us, Oldwriter. You “lapsed”. Don’t “relapse”. Looking forward to hearing from you today.

DreamCatcher17

Hi,
Even though you had a relapse, I think you went through the motions of it very well in your head. You knew it was wrong and you didn't want to continue. I honestly see you succeeding in sobriety, we have all fallen off a time or 2. Get back up, brush yourself off and move on.
You got this!!!

JudicatorPanzer

Even though you relapsed, it sounds to me like it could have been much worse. The strength you had to say no even after having a drink is amazing. I would have ended up drunk for sure. Just keep moving forward!

HTown

I really suggest not keeping alcohol in the house. I know it took numerous times for me stopping to finally stop. Good luck

StartingOverNW

I'm sorry you stumbled a bit but I think it's great you came back here and told us what happened!

SoulShine8

I can understand the guilt - you fell.. so now stand back up, don't stay down. Glad you are still here.

SoberLeigh

Oldwriter, there is a very good thread her on the importance of a Plan for sobriety.

I will post a link in a moment.

SoberLeigh

As promised, oldwriter:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

Hevyn

Oldwriter - I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened. Sometimes we need further proof that we don't need it in our lives. You learned something - now you're ready to do this.

oldwriter

Oh it gets worse. On the way home from work Friday, I listened to the AV and bought a 750 ml bottle of vodka. 375 ml on Friday night and 375 ml on Saturday night.

I hate to say it but it really felt good to get buzzed and watch a movie on Friday, but the only reason I drank Saturday was because the alcohol was there.

Now it's gone.

Tonight it's back to square one, night one all over again. Well, I made it eight nights and then crashed.

BTW, this happened at my son's house not mine, so I don't have the same availability here unless I create it.

Felt some pings and some pangs under my right rib cage and in my upper back but other wise no residual effects. Went to the gym this morning and spent 75 minutes on my main lifts, assistance lifts, and then core work and stretching. Felt good to indulge myself doing something healthy.

Picking up the grandkids this afternoon and that's a good thing, too. I was kind of concerned that I'd be kicked out of the forum, but hopefully you all can tolerate my slip up.

Oh, we don't celebrate Christmas (wife is Jewish) so there won't be any reason to repeat this snafu on December 25th.

andyh

if this forum kicked out everyone who had a slip, it'd be pretty empty in here

oldwriter

That's a relief. Thanks.

Ariesagain

Don’t call it a failure. It’s a dress rehearsal.

You open tonight, yes?