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Confusing, mixed messages

Old 11-20-2017, 09:30 AM
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Confusing, mixed messages

Can I have your views please?

I'm currently on 54 days sober and doing ok. I'm just a little confused about things that have been said to me.

So I was drinking a bottle of wine a day for around a year and a half, with just one stint of sobriety when I went on medication for anxiety (for 4 weeks). Thinking back though, I've always drank and was always thinking I must have 3 days off a week to give my liver a break etc. It has always been a big part of my life.

I walked into the GP earlier this year and admitted my alchol intake and was immediately referred to 1:1 counselling. As part of that I tried to moderate - I was asked to set my own target and so said I'd like to get down to 14 units a week. I started keeping a drink diary and I was doing pretty well. During my cousnselling session the counsellor would drop things into conversation and I finally came to the decision to quit (presumably her intention all along!)

The confusion is this - my counsellor is talking about initially 6 months off alcohol but I suspect she will be getting me to come to the conclusion that I need to quit totally. Then, I was attending another course and the nurse there said she used to work in addiction and that she was so pleased to see people go back to drinking "Normally".

Now I'm thinking I can't drink normally. Even during my drink diary this summer it was starting to creep back up.

I think I know what people will say on here, but I think I need to hear it!

I have a 1:1 session on Wed when I will bring it up. She is a recovering alcoholic with quite a few years sober so I suspect I know her answer too!!

Thanks!
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Old 11-20-2017, 09:55 AM
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For me,
I am an alcoholic, I am unable to manage my consumption so I am unable to drink, ever again.

I have seen some people who can stop for a while and then go back and it is not an issue, I am not one of those people. My grandma for instance. She stopped drinking when she was in her 30's, she is now in her 70's and she will have a glass of wine or a margarita a couple times a year. She never went to AA or worked a program, she just stopped. She will not admit she ever had a problem.

Most people who are in fact alcoholics, that think they can manage it may for a while, but will likely end up back to where they were if not worse.
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Old 11-20-2017, 10:03 AM
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" nurse there said she used to work in addiction and that she was so pleased to see people go back to drinking "Normally".
it would be interesting to know how many people she saw when she worked in addiction and how many of them she actually saw go back to drinking"normally".
also how long AFTER treatment these people returned to drinking "normally" and for how long they have been doing it.

the great thing for me is that i dont have to believe everything i hear.

as for this:
Now I'm thinking I can't drink normally.
i hope you accept that.
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Old 11-20-2017, 10:09 AM
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I normally drank, but never drank normally.
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:33 AM
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Thanks for the replies. I'm giving up on "normal", who knows what that is anyway?!

Dreamcatcher, I have 2 kids and so have had 2 year long stints off alcohol in the past 7 years but I still went back to it... Probably tells me something!

Tomsteve, it is difficult for me to know what to believe as is such early days. Having said that, I tested this here as I know I get real experiences & truth. And yes, I do accept it....

Thanks
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Old 11-20-2017, 03:05 PM
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All I know is my life is vastly better with me sober JJ

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Old 11-20-2017, 03:26 PM
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The UK has a massive alcohol problem and IMO seems to be the treatment of it. Moderation is not possible for an alcoholic. Though that is great you are seeing your doc and a therapist, you may want to start hitting AA.
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Old 11-21-2017, 02:07 AM
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Thanks Forward12. I have some great support where I am in England, I'm not sure the same can be said of other parts of the UK. I see my counsellor tomorrow. I trust her & what is said here as you all have been there. The nurse was nice & trying to help but fundamentally doesn't understand.
My moods are quite up & down. I know what I need to do when I'm being rational!! I haven't really considered AA, I'm not sure there are any particularly local to me, but I won't rule it out.
8 weeks & counting....
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Old 11-21-2017, 02:37 AM
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Sure, those times when I returned to drinking I could drink 'normally' for a little while....until I slipped back to how I normally began to drink which was like an alcoholic. It never failed.

It is genuinely easier just NOT to drink. That's my experience anyways.
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Old 11-21-2017, 03:45 AM
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There's no such thing as normal, or moderate drinking, once we cross that invisible line into alcoholism.

And - that is the gift we get. If we choose sobriety, life is infinitely better than it was when we had to drink because of our active disease.

For the life of me, I cannot grasp why the dr's "methods" in the UK are so.....dangerous to alcoholics. I have a hard time thinking it is ignorance of the disease, and if it is insurance/liability/such then it is even more shameful.
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Old 11-21-2017, 03:50 AM
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Even if I could drink "normally" - I wouldn't want to.

I think even "normal" drinking is a waste of life and presence and time.

I wasted a lot of time - and endured a lot of consequences - chasing the idea that maybe I could drink 'normally'.

There are no real regrets I carry in life, but truth be told one thing I do wish is that I'd figured out far, far earlier that life would be so much better in sobriety and had committed to it fully without looking back decades ago.

If you're looking for clarity in these mixed messages - my vote would be focus clearly and exclusively on sobriety.

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Old 11-21-2017, 07:04 AM
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I heard/read recently - possibly on here - that medical people sometimes suggest a period of moderation, or a period of abstinence prior trying moderation, as a lead-in to recommending abstinence.

the thinking seems to be that the person will see how hard it is for them to moderate, or to abstain with the carrot of moderation being dangled, that they will either become more open to a suggestion of abstinence, or come to that conclusion themselves.

there probably are people who go to their doctors concerned about their drinking when they're going over the 14-unit weekly limit (bless 'em) who can go back to "normal" drinking. if you're on this forum, that time for you has probably passed, I know it has for me.
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Old 11-21-2017, 03:05 PM
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Andyh, I think that is spot on. I'm pretty sure my counsellor has been leading me to the conclusion to quit. I have a session tomorrow, I'll have a good chat with her then.

Thanks all.
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Old 11-22-2017, 03:47 AM
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Just back from seeing my counsellor. It was indeed her plan all along to get me to come to the conclusion to quit drinking, and then to realise that this needed to be for good.

I accept that.

Onwards and upwards.
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