Have never even conquered step one
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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Have never even conquered step one
This isn't my first rodeo, as they say. I went to my first AA meeting over a decade ago because something inside me knew it's what I needed. That said, I have never truly been able to accept step one - that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol. Does anyone else struggle with this? Any advice or words of wisdom?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Welcome soberandseeking.
I think it's fair to say that every single one of us struggled with accepting our addiction for what it is at some point, so you are definitely not alone there.
For me it wasn't so much even accepting that I am an "alcoholic" as much as just accepting that I cannot drink alcohol safely or responsibly. Accepting step one of the AA steps is certainly important if you plan on using AA, but not everyone uses AA either. Having said that, even if you use a different method, I still feel it's imperative that we accept/surrender/acknowledge that drinking will never be an option. If we leave the door open even a little crack, we'll almost certainly drink again.
I think it's fair to say that every single one of us struggled with accepting our addiction for what it is at some point, so you are definitely not alone there.
For me it wasn't so much even accepting that I am an "alcoholic" as much as just accepting that I cannot drink alcohol safely or responsibly. Accepting step one of the AA steps is certainly important if you plan on using AA, but not everyone uses AA either. Having said that, even if you use a different method, I still feel it's imperative that we accept/surrender/acknowledge that drinking will never be an option. If we leave the door open even a little crack, we'll almost certainly drink again.
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I'm not an AA person, but I accepted that I could no longer drink alcohol. There was no question in my mind that it was toxic for me and my life. I didn't really think in terms of being powerless, but it was clear alcohol was ruining my life.
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Originally Posted by soberandseeking 
I have never truly been able to accept step one - that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol.
Yep, step one is the big one. So what's been the hang up? Do you think (or hope) that you can control it? Are you tripping over your understanding of powerless? Afraid to surrender?
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl
...and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Yep, step one is the big one. So what's been the hang up? Do you think (or hope) that you can control it? Are you tripping over your understanding of powerless? Afraid to surrender?
Yep, step one is the big one. So what's been the hang up? Do you think (or hope) that you can control it? Are you tripping over your understanding of powerless? Afraid to surrender?
Perhaps part of me does believe I could control it. But I just tried to jump out of a moving vehicle a few weeks ago after drinking vodka all day. So maybe that's a good sign that I really am powerless over it.
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Originally Posted by soberandseeking
I think it's because I'm not the "stereotype" of an alcoholic - I've gone weeks without drinking (and almost a year without drinking but where I was smoking marijuana). And I don't drink in the morning for the most part.
Once I became the person that others compared themselves too...rude awakening.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
This is why 40% of the big book is about the first step. We all think we can beat it, do some trick to make it work, but in the end, alcohol kicks our @ss every time.
Once you finally admit that sticking the fork into the outlet is going to shock you, and to never do it again, is when you can finally move on.
Once you finally admit that sticking the fork into the outlet is going to shock you, and to never do it again, is when you can finally move on.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I was clean and sober for almost 14 years when I decided I was "fine" and I could drink. I spent the next 8 years trying to control my drinking. I'll be five years sober at the end of this month and what I've really learned this time around about Step 1 is that when I see "powerless" what I have learned is that my body does not process alcohol like other people do. My mind also cannot handle the drinking; my mind will make me think I'm able to control it. But I cannot. I suggest reading/listening to Joe and Charlie; there is a great book I got through Amazon. Really helped explain the Big Book and more importantly the key concepts to me.
I also suggest reading "The Doctor's Opinion" in the Big Book. It really helped me understand the reality of me and my inability to process alcohol physically of mentally. And stick around SR. This site is an amazing source of information and support. For me, there are various types of things I need to do and have to support my ongoing sobriety.
I also suggest reading "The Doctor's Opinion" in the Big Book. It really helped me understand the reality of me and my inability to process alcohol physically of mentally. And stick around SR. This site is an amazing source of information and support. For me, there are various types of things I need to do and have to support my ongoing sobriety.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Alcohol causes me problems. If I do not drink the problems go away. I cannot control drinking, I am powerless to stop once I start. Sure, I could go weeks in between, a year once, but once I start I want another drink till I pass out. Once I stopped trying to control alcohol I got control of my life back. Good luck
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,666
read this and then move on to step 2.....
On Powerlessness (Powerlessness does not make you powerless)
On Powerlessness (Powerlessness does not make you powerless)
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 116
Wow. Really good post and responses. I also struggle with admitting it for now but I am not drinking and "testing" the theory. I know that every time in the past I drink that it increases which tells me I am pretty powerless, that said, I still am hung up about saying it and committing to NEVER drinking. So everyday I just say "not today". I bet I will mature enough at some point to admit that I am powerless once and for all or I will show myself first hand how incapable I am . I really am hoping the maturity shows up first. Mine I think is not liking "labels" and being scared. I sure do like myself better sober. It's so nice not wondering if I did or said something hurtful or stupid.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
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In my opinion the critical step in becoming sober is admitting to yourself that you cannot reliably control your drinking. For those of us with a "drinking problem" this inability to control is not a character flaw, it is a biological fact similar to being born with blue eyes. For me, everything else fell into place once I finally admitted to myself that I could not control my drinking. I'm not in AA but I agree wholeheartedly with the need for taking Step One to become successfully sober.
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Thanks all for your thoughts and perspectives, as well as the link which I will finish reading shortly. I am going to a women's meeting tonight and hope to find a sponsor, at least a temporary one, someone with a long time sober, with whom I can discuss this concern further.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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good on ya soberandseeking!
theres a little line in the BB i had a problem with:
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery.
i had admitted that quite some time before i got into AA, yet it didnt help.
because i didnt know what it meant to be an alcoholic.
the chapter,"more about alcoholism" really helped me.
on step one-We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
i found that quite simple- it wasnt about how often a person drinks. it was when a person drinks- the power to control intake disappears with the first drink.
theres different stages of alcoholism. some people catch it early- when drinking isnt an every day thing, yet when they do drink, there is no control after the first drink.
heres the prelude to the second set of stories in the BB:
They Stopped In Time
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
theres a little line in the BB i had a problem with:
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery.
i had admitted that quite some time before i got into AA, yet it didnt help.
because i didnt know what it meant to be an alcoholic.
the chapter,"more about alcoholism" really helped me.
on step one-We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
i found that quite simple- it wasnt about how often a person drinks. it was when a person drinks- the power to control intake disappears with the first drink.
theres different stages of alcoholism. some people catch it early- when drinking isnt an every day thing, yet when they do drink, there is no control after the first drink.
heres the prelude to the second set of stories in the BB:
They Stopped In Time
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Originally Posted by soberandseeking
I am not quite sure. I think it's because I'm not the "stereotype" of an alcoholic - I've gone weeks without drinking (and almost a year without drinking but where I was smoking marijuana). And I don't drink in the morning for the most part. I dunno.
Etc etc etc.
I can pinpoint the moment where I had to face that my life had become unmanageable due to drinking. It was waking up and looking at the sprinkler head on the ceiling and thinking "When did I install a sprinkler system in my bedroom?" It took a few minutes, but I realized I was in rehab.
I still fought it and got there in stages. I wasn't really an alcoholic, it was the sleep med withdrawal that did it this last time. I was going to take a breather from drinking, first for 1 month, then 3, then 6, then a year. My drug counselor and peers and first AA meetings (I'd never been to one) helped me to see reality.
Because I was in rehab in a controlled environment I was able to work through this over a period of a few weeks, and before I really knew it I'd completed Step 1. This is why I'm such a huge advocate for rehab if someone is truly ready to give it up.
Good luck on your journey. I hope it starts now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi and welcome to you. I also had a problem with the idea of "powerlessness" and the idea of Step One as I understood it before actually being guided in the steps (right now I am on Step Three) by a sponsor. I was very glad to read "The Doctor's Opinion" because it explained very clearly what I have always believed, that alcoholism- or at least my alcoholism- really comes down to a medical issue and not that I am inherently some horrible person who does bad things. It's plain science. My body handles alcohol differently from someone who can drink safely. I can't. I basically have an allergy to alcohol. Once I looked at it like this I was able to fully adopt the idea of powerlessness and yes, absolutely my life had become unmanageable. For me, it had real deal become unmanageable and I was full blown into my alcoholism with daily drinking, morning drinking, shakes, drinking straight out of the bottle on my front porch for all the world to see at 7am, vomiting on myself, passing out then waking up still on the front porch and carrying on drinking type alcoholism. But, my life was unmanageable long before that, even when I was still "functioning" and "only" drinking in the evenings, etc.
That said, there are plenty of character flaws to work on and we alcoholics have many. Just because my disease is a medical one does not mean I get a free pass to behave any which way I want and the steps ahead will allow me to address these issues and become a better person. While the root cause may be physiological in nature there is certainly a psychological component to alcoholism and AA is one way to address that.
If you told me that chopping off my own face would help me stay sober I'd do it. A lot of people have told me AA does just that so I figured I'd give it a try. I am at a point where I would do anything for this and what I have done up until now has not kept me sober (including rehab, though I still consider it a great success, the best thing I have ever done for myself and the real start to my serious attempt at permanent sobriety) so I am reading the big book and working the steps with an online sponsor. I do not have a meeting in my town that I can regularly attend, and actually did not care for the particular group anyway, so I am doing this all online, but do feel it is helping. But, Step One is crucial.
I really like your idea of finding a sponsor and asking her about it. I have been totally honest with my sponsor, often responding to questions in a way that may not be the "most correct AA answer" but feels like my most honest response and she has been very encouraging and always reminded me there is no one right answer to all of this. the one crucial exception, I believe, is that there is only one way to start and that is admitting your problem and your powerlessness over it.
Best of luck to you. If you do not find that AA resonates with you there are many other ways to get and stay sober. But again, as others have said, they all require you admitting you have a problem and that you need to stop drinking. Controlling or moderating are not solutions. We don't have control over alcohol once we start and we have to admit that we can't touch it ever again- no matter the program.
That said, there are plenty of character flaws to work on and we alcoholics have many. Just because my disease is a medical one does not mean I get a free pass to behave any which way I want and the steps ahead will allow me to address these issues and become a better person. While the root cause may be physiological in nature there is certainly a psychological component to alcoholism and AA is one way to address that.
If you told me that chopping off my own face would help me stay sober I'd do it. A lot of people have told me AA does just that so I figured I'd give it a try. I am at a point where I would do anything for this and what I have done up until now has not kept me sober (including rehab, though I still consider it a great success, the best thing I have ever done for myself and the real start to my serious attempt at permanent sobriety) so I am reading the big book and working the steps with an online sponsor. I do not have a meeting in my town that I can regularly attend, and actually did not care for the particular group anyway, so I am doing this all online, but do feel it is helping. But, Step One is crucial.
I really like your idea of finding a sponsor and asking her about it. I have been totally honest with my sponsor, often responding to questions in a way that may not be the "most correct AA answer" but feels like my most honest response and she has been very encouraging and always reminded me there is no one right answer to all of this. the one crucial exception, I believe, is that there is only one way to start and that is admitting your problem and your powerlessness over it.
Best of luck to you. If you do not find that AA resonates with you there are many other ways to get and stay sober. But again, as others have said, they all require you admitting you have a problem and that you need to stop drinking. Controlling or moderating are not solutions. We don't have control over alcohol once we start and we have to admit that we can't touch it ever again- no matter the program.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Don't have to fully understand Or agree to heal
Great responses here!
I had a revelation that helped me and might help you. Prior to the revelation, i had to logically understand everything in my life before i eould accept it. I avoided AA and the steps for years for this and other reasons.
Then it hit me that I don't have to fully understand or agree, I just need to be willing. Step 1 is no longer a problem for me. If I THINK on it too long, I start to pick it apart and it can get in the way. If I look at it simply and stay open and willing, it works for me.
I hope this is helpful. It was the biggest turning point in my recovery. I used to get hung up on the word alcoholic. Then I decided, instead of trying to figure out if I AM or AM NOT (kinda like someone is pregnant or not), I would accept that "problem drinking" is a continuum, not a black or white concept. The relief that came over me was immense when I said regardless of whether or not i fit the definition of an alcoholic, alcohol is harming me. So I accepted Step 1.
I had a revelation that helped me and might help you. Prior to the revelation, i had to logically understand everything in my life before i eould accept it. I avoided AA and the steps for years for this and other reasons.
Then it hit me that I don't have to fully understand or agree, I just need to be willing. Step 1 is no longer a problem for me. If I THINK on it too long, I start to pick it apart and it can get in the way. If I look at it simply and stay open and willing, it works for me.
I hope this is helpful. It was the biggest turning point in my recovery. I used to get hung up on the word alcoholic. Then I decided, instead of trying to figure out if I AM or AM NOT (kinda like someone is pregnant or not), I would accept that "problem drinking" is a continuum, not a black or white concept. The relief that came over me was immense when I said regardless of whether or not i fit the definition of an alcoholic, alcohol is harming me. So I accepted Step 1.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 6
Russell Brand's 12 Steps
In his new book "Recovery" Russell Brand reimagines the 12 Steps. I'm using those.
The first three are questions you ask yourself:
1: Are you a bit f**ked?
2. Could you not be f**ked?
3. Are you, on your own, going to unf**k yourself?
I think omitting the word "powerless" makes it more digestible for me as a newcomer to sobriety. I also like the ability to admit in step one that, yeah, I'm a bit f**ked, but at so's everyone else.
The first three are questions you ask yourself:
1: Are you a bit f**ked?
2. Could you not be f**ked?
3. Are you, on your own, going to unf**k yourself?
I think omitting the word "powerless" makes it more digestible for me as a newcomer to sobriety. I also like the ability to admit in step one that, yeah, I'm a bit f**ked, but at so's everyone else.
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