soberandseeking

No alcohol, no marijuana, but I bought some smokes today because I really feel I need something. I am also in a chaotic relationship with an alcoholic, am divorcing an alcoholic, but more than anything feel so overwhelmed by not having the buffer of drugs and alcohol to help in life. Ugh, I hate this feeling.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Soberandseeking!!

You'll find loads of advice and support here on SR, you'll not go short so stick with us!!

It can be a very uncertain thing, for many years I drank and that's all I knew, and so without my crutch of a bottle how would I cope? how do people get through life? the world became a very scary place initially.

But there is hope, give Sobriety a chance and I promise there will be light at the end of the tunnel, your emotions will be all over the place for a while, but you need to push through and get to the point of them levelling out, and it will happen I assure you with time.

You can do this!!

least

Welcome to the family. I know it's hard at first, living sober and having to feel, really feel, your feelings. The one thing I suggest trying is practicing gratitude every day. Just make a list of what you're grateful for, be it person, place, or event. We even have a Gratitude forum here just for being thankful.

It will feel worse before it feels better, so brace yourself and get the support you need to succeed, whether it be SR/counseling/AA/Smart/Women for Sobriety, and other programs - there are lots of ways to support your sober lifestyle.

Really tho, practice gratitude. The rewards are amazing.

teatreeoil007

Yep, it's an awful feeling at first, not having the buffer you may have become accustomed to...but life really has a lot to offer you and many good things and you really don't need drugs or alcohol to cope or 'get by'...there are much better 'buffers' to be discovered...you can do this!

Dee74

Hi and welcome soberandseeking

yeah I had to work on that too - I was terrified of facing the world without some kind of safety net - I'm glad I did tho.

This place helps - and I soon got used to no net

Hope to see you around some more

D

Silverback4

Welcome, stick with it and keep coming here.

It does get easier
Wishing you the best

Berrybean

Welcome SoberandSeeking Glad you're here and posting.

Yeah. I remember trying to contemplate dealing with my life sober - without that nice comfy buffer. It was like a security blanket that I could put over my head and hide under. Thing is, it didn't really make anything better. It just freed me up to go an make more daft decision and make more damaging choices, perpetuating the cycle by giving me more stuff I wanted to escape from.

Sobriety didn't give me a release or instant short-term fix like drinking would have done, but as I stuck with it I foundmyself acting more and more with integrity, and making decision that would not be so difficult to live with. Not hanging round with chaotic folk any longer was helpful as well. Some relationships really were not healthy and needed, for the sake of my own peace and serenity, to fizzle out. Others seemed to just alter over time and become more stable, which helped.

When I first went to AA I was given a little card to keep in my purse about being sober 'just for today', and it was suggested that this sobriety malarky would be much easier at first it I could just focus on one day at a time and not try to deal with today, and next Saturday, and when I bump into so-and-so, and Christmas, and Birthdays etc all at once. That proved to be valuable advice. There was a lot more where that came from as well over the past 3.5 years. The folk here and at AA seemed to have a very loose grasp and sparse understanding of 'my' reality in many ways, but I ddn't feel like I had many options so I took their advice. It turned out to be gold. And the thing was, they had a very good understanding of my reality in actual fact. The person who didn't was ME. Probably had just spent too long looking at it through my security blanket booze lol.

Anyway. Again, welcome.

Might be a good idea to stay away from your active alcoholic partner (and possibly friends as well) while alcohol is calling the shots to them. I found that me sober + partner drunk = arguments. It still can at times for me and my OH even though he's not (I don't think anyway) an alcoholic, but I'm better at removing myself in advance and setting healthy bounderies nowadays - that came with time.

Have you looked up the AA meetings in your area? I found meetings were a great place of safety that I could go and sit and sip coffee and listen - just kinda recover my equilibrium. Esp at weekends when it would have been very tempting to press the eff-it button just like I'd done every weekend for the 25 or so years previous. AA has helped me in many ways - one of which is just having the opportunity to meet some new friends. Pals who are also keen to get out and about and do non-drinking stuff and still have a giggle (yes, you too will laugh again one day - but your sober smiles will reach your heart and your eyes).

It may feel, at the moment, that your life it over. But you know, it;s not your life that it over. Perhap just a chapter, or Part - and as that one ends, so begins a new one. It may feel scary, but the other side of that coin is 'exciting'. Honestly - the possibilities are endless. And all you have to do is stay sober for today. And tomorrow all you have to do is stay sober for that day. One day at a time.

Stick around. Keep reading and posting.

BB

b0glerd69

Welcome soberandseeking, you have taken the first step by reaching out for help. I can't add much to Berrybean's outstanding post above but stick with it, good luck and keep coming back.