jryan19982

I recently moved cross country new town new state new coast! And I felt myself slipping and wanting a drink. So I went to my local AA meetings because I knew what would happen if I didn't. Just sat didn't talk about me the first time and just listened. Good meeting.

Went again and decided to talk. I basically said where I was and said a little about my past and why I don't want to drink use pills etc. And basically I could feel most of the people giving me this look like "why are YOU here"? No my story is nowhere near as bad as the others but I still felt like it was enough to "qualify" to be there. To sum up I basically said I didn't like the person, father, husband, and friend I was when I am drinking. Mentioned I felt guilty about all the times I drove drunk and ditched my family to drink. I didn't have any DUI stories or being arrested and thrown in a drunk tank or lost a job or spouse... it just seemed like I didn't belong. I left at the end of the meeting and didn't hang around. Haven't been back and don't know if I will... I just didn't feel as welcomed as the ones I went to previously in a different state...

Not sure what to do. But I didn't drink so there's that and I can put a success to it I guess.

biminiblue

Well, unless someone said "why are YOU here," I think maybe you are just feeling out of place - probably because you have just made a major move and don't know anyone.

I can't see people thinking like that - unless you showed up at a big-city downtown meeting.

Are you mind reading again? Are you good at that? I'm horrible at it! I never get it right!!!

jryan19982

You are probably right ugh. Probably feeling paranoid and over analyzing too much. I get in my head like that sometimes. I just feel out of place in most everything that I do here. I'm out of my element for sure.

biminiblue

It's rough to move across town let alone across country. Give them a chance. You'll find someone to relate to.

Anna

Moving is unsettling and it's not surprising that you feel a bit adrift. You were at the meeting because you knew that's what you needed to do. Don't allow anyone to judge you or make you feel uncomfortable. You're doing great.

andyh

they're more likely thinking "I wish I'd done something about my addiction as early as this guy has".

Soberandhealthy

go to a different meeting

Gottalife

I go along with the other responses. If I am at a new meeting and feeling a bit out of sorts, it is a little harder to fit in. My tactic is, before the meeting beigins, to go round the room and introduce myself to every one present.

As an aside, you may have heard from members who think that duis, bed wetting, jail and drama are what make an alcoholic. If you read the book, you will see this is not so. There are only two key factors in the diagnosis of the real alcoholic, control and choice. Can’t control it once they start, and have no power to choose whether or not they will drink, in other words drinking when not intending to.

The rest of the drama stuff is just individual experience. Some folk who, perhaps, have not yet found the solution, like to re live it and try to out do the other guy, not realising that the similarity in our story is the loss of control and choice, not the resulting drama. In that way our stories tend to seperate us. I never had a dui, I don’t relate to that experience. However when a guy says he got up in the morning and resolved firmly not to drink, and that night was arrested for dui, I can relate to his inability to stick with his decision not to drink. My consequences were different, but the underlying cause was the same. Loss of control and choice.

Dee74

I agree that nine times out of ten I'm projecting my own doubts and fears onto the situation. Try a few different meetings anyway - what can it hurt ?

D

jryan19982

I do realize that loss of control is what makes me an alcoholic. When I drink I lose control of myself and there is no telling where I will stop. Usually it is once all the alcohol in the house is gone or when I pass out. Most weekends that involved driving drunk to get more alcohol so yes losing control makes me an alcoholic.

I probably also didn't feel right because lots of people there smoked, you could smell it and saw a good size group smoking outside around the corner when I walked in. I quit smoking one year and almost 6 months ago. So I really don't want to fall into that trap again of smoking to fit in.

I will try some other meetings but will have to go to the next town over which is a bit bigger than my Podunk town lol.

Thanks again for all the tips

Done4today

I travel for work and I get to attend meetings all over the United States. My first few times I felt similar. Then I heard the saying, what other's think of me is none of my business.

I have also learned that a guest/visitor/first timer to the meeting is the most welcomed attendee. Now when I attend meetings in a new city/town, my calendar gets filled up with requests to go to dinner, other meetings, or a ball game. Even though I have experienced all this I still have days that I feel as your post described Jryan. good luck

BrandNewLife

I read recently that human beings are built to evaluate a situation and make quick judgements. It’s what kept us alive. But, while that’s a good instinct in the wild, it often means we’re wrong about our assumptions because we taint them with our own perceptions and feelings.

I think it’s your AV trying to sneak up on you. You’re in a new place and feeling uncomfortable. So AV is cozying up to you and saying “You don’t have any support! Look you’re not as bad as these others! You’re not really an alcoholic, so come on, let’s go have a drink! I’ll be your friend!” A relapse doesn’t start when you pick up a drink. It’s those little seeds that slip into our unconscious and build up, until out of seeimgly nowhere, we’re drinking again. That familiar autopilot thinking.

Maudcat

Hi, jryan.
Sometimes I felt uncomfortable in meetings. I think it was me, not them.
You know, don’t know anyone, feels weird.
I found a meeting I liked and stuck with it.

DontRemember

I met a new 'kid' at a meeting the other day. When he shared he stated he was 'a weed user' and yes; at first I judged/laughed in my head(something I'm working on). He then went on to how he started using meth,ect.. knee jerk reactions have no place in meetings is now my approach. If you're in a meeting whether court ordered or own your own..you belong there. I've since given said "kid" a ride home after meetings and offered to pick him up when I can.

teatreeoil007

Maybe it's true....your past history may not be as "colored" as many of theirs...HOWEVER...look at it this way: Whenever we initially feel uncomfortable...there's likely something new to learn....on your part...but they can probably stand to learn something new from you too. Being new anywhere can be off-putting.

axeman5971

I have heard the joke that “AA stopped giving awards for bad behavior years ago.” Who cares what they think or how you compare? I worried about that when I started rehab and meetings, but at the end of the day, my recovery is about me. It’s my life. It’s my family. It’s my sanity. I count myself lucky I never had to hit that low of a bottom, but I was headed in that direction if I didn’t stop.

Good luck to you!

aasharon90

Bring some cookies or something delicious
to your meetings and before you know it,
folks will see you coming and hold the door
open to you and will allow others to get
to know you before you know it.

Remember, you are there at those
meetings to get our daily recovery
fix, medicine or whatever you want
call it, for you to get healthy in mind,
heart and soul.

Listen, learn, absorb and apply and
you will eventually wanting to help
the next new comer walking into their
first meeting scared and looking for
support, understanding, kindness,
and care.

It's what we do in recovery. Pass It On.

One step at a time as you move forward
and further away from your addiction and
become the best, healthiest member in
recovery living on a solid foundation you
will be building for yourself to live upon for
yrs to come.

SR and your meetings will become your
lifelines in recovery that you will need to
hold on tight to and never let go.

shortstop81

I try not to compare the war stories, and rather I relate to the underlying emotions expressed. Those feelings of shame, desperation, despair, etc. And then the extreme gratitude of being free from that vicious cycle.

I agree that there could be some projection going on, jryan. I'm absolutely guilty of it too!