Foon

Hi all, today is the day I admitted I have a problem.

It's hard, I'm nervous......scared.....

I woke up this morning hungover, not badly, just fuzzy. I don't drink everyday, mostly just weekends and the odd occasion on weekdays. However, I do it at home and I can't stop. I hide a bottle of wine in my wardrobe, my wife doesn't like me drinking too much and getting drunk. I'm a happy drunk most of the time but i just don't know when to stop. I just want to get wasted.

For my wife, it's the lies, I've lied alot about my drinking and hiding things from her, I've done it a lot recently, I don't know why, I always get caught out. But I promised my wife that I would cut down the drinking to one bottle of wine, but I sneak off to our room to down more so I can get drunk, more lies.....

Today, my son found my stash.......I knew it was going to happen, I'd get nervous whenever my wife would go into the wardrobe or I'd get caught disposing of the bottles. I've been trying to stop this for ages, stop the lies and stop the excess drinking but I just can't, I get halfway through a Friday and the cravings start and that's it, I buy a bottle to drink and a bottle to hide.
I've been doing this in and off for years, but this time it's been over a year and I can't stop.

I'm not the nicest of person when I'm hungover or if I'm still drunk the next day. I get defensive and angry, I say nasty things and get violent, this is all to hide something, hide my drinking. I would say that it's not the drinking that made me like this, I'd blame it on anything else. I am seeing a psychologist about my anger, but again, I blame my anger on my wife, I am learning how to deal with situations with her differently.

I'm sad, embarrassed, ashamed.....why do I keep doing this, hurting the woman I love. For 12 years I have been lying and hiding my drinking habits. My family are all big drinkers always have been, both my brother and sister have massive drinking problems, same as me, one is never enough.

I don't drink to relax, I don't drink just a couple. I drink to get drunk.

That's my story today.

I admitted I have a problem. That's big, I'm struggling with the thought I won't drink on my birthday on Xmas day.

I know I can go for a few months without a drink, I just don't know that I can stop it there and then end up in a years time exactly where I am now......but without a family. Thus is my last chance, if I don't sort myself out I will lose everything I care for.

Am I an alcoholic? I don't know.
Do I have a drinking problem? Yes.

I am here for help and guidance....

If you read this babe, please believe I am sorry and that I am going to do this. I know sorry doesn't mean anything from me anymore, but after all the lies, please believe this one thing... I love you and want to save our marriage.

Sorry for my ramblings, I've never done anything like this before just brain vomit on paper......

Thanks for reading, I look forward to getting involved.

decchemist

Welcome to SR, Foon!

It's hard to make that first post and admit you have a problem so be pleased with yourself that you have resolved to fix your problems and head for a better life. You are among friends who understand completely here.

ReadyAtLast

Welcome to SR and congrats on admitting you have a problem. you'll find loads of support here. Are you looking to stop drinking?

doggonecarl

I was right where you are, brother, seven years ago.

I was a daily drinker. Met the love of my life late in life, in my 50s, got engaged, and married. I was sure married life would cut down my drinking. But it didn't. My wife was on meds that put her in bed early in the evening. So I stayed up and drank.

However, in just a few months, it ramped up to where I couldn't wait for my wife to go to bed to get hammered. I started hiding beer in the garage and drinking as soon as I got home, continuing until late in the night.

One evening, with just a few beers left, I thought a shot of booze would be fine. Then two. Then three. Then I lost count. Just before the stores closed, I went out and got a last beer. This was like on a Tuesday night. Woke up the next morning, late, feeling like death. Saw with a clarity I hadn't had before exactly where my drinking was headed. I had to have it, couldn't control it. Vowed then and there to quit.

Poured myself into my recovery. I had to change my life, change how I dealt with just about everything. I wasn't a normal drinker, I was never going to be a normal drinker. Therefore, I could never drink again.

And haven't since Sept 10th, 2010.

Blessed to be sober.

Foon

Yes I am, I'm nervous though, I enjoy it but I just can't stop a glass or two, it has to be a bottle or two which is the problem.

And if I want to save my marriage I have to stop.

Foon

Thanks, I am reading some horror stories on some threads and I jUst think I'm being stupid and thinking thus will pass and ill be OK to drink in a few weeks, but I've been there and dine that.

I need to come to the realization that u have a problem.

Foon

Well done, 7 years is excellent. I am struggling to come to terms with the though of going without a drink next weekend.

I'm fact, I was planning a drink tonight before my wife called me with the find. I think getting through without drinking on weekends will be fine, I will just get exercising again but special occasions will be hard. I don't think I have ever had a sober Xmas or Birthday.

ReadyAtLast

I was the same. I loved it but didn't want 1 or 2 glasses. It had to be bottles. Even though I didn't drink every day when I did I didn't want to stop. It soon got to every other day though and then most evenings. It wasn't just the physical want it was the mental obsession, trying to control it, trying to moderate, just buy 1 bottle ( or maybe 2 cos 1 really isn't enough). Well I'll get 2 and have 1 tomorrow night (yeah right) Or maybe I'll get a different drink which won't affect me as much. I must remember to get to the shop and get the wine before it shuts. I won't drink through the week, just the weekends. Well Thursday is nearly the weekend isn't it so that's ok. Think i'll drink at home in private then i know I won't make a fool of myself in public. and on and on and on it went.

NOT drinking takes all those incessant thoughts off the table. No moderation, no constant conversations backwards and forwards in my head, shall I shan't I ?

It's so much easier not to drink, mentally at least. physically and emotionally it's rough at first but you will get through and it's well worth it.

I like Rational Recovery: AVRT - it explains about the 2 parts of you - the one that wants to stop drinking and the other that wants to carry on. It's helped me immensely,

doggonecarl

Sobriety isn't a punishment. If you feel deprived because you can't drink, you will struggle.

You need to come to the realization that drinking is depriving you from the life you deserve. But you can't just hear it from me. You have to experience it. Know it.

Hope you do. But don't try to wrap your mind around never drinking. Wrap it around getting through today, sober. Then repeat tomorrow.

Foon

As I only really drink on weekends I believe I will get through the first few month quite easily, it's going to be parties and Xmas which I will find hard.

I have never had a sober Birthday I always drink at parties etc....

I can imagine telling friends that I no longer drink as I have a problem and them laughing at me because I only drink on weekends, thats not a problem.....

Foon

I'm glad it happened how it did so I got to realise now that I have a problem and not when it became too late, although the pain I have pit my wife through is unforgivable and I lucky to be sleeping on the couch and not in a hostel.

And yes, the stress of hiding it was a struggle.

biminiblue

I don't say, "I have a problem," to people when they talk about drinking, or at parties etc. It's no one's business.

There are many things to say,

"No, thanks," is all that is needed. No one's business why. "I'll have a Coke, please."

"I'm not drinking tonight."

"I feel so much better without alcohol."

"I'm driving."

"I'm taking a break from it to see how I like it." (This "break" can last 50 years.)

"It hasn't been agreeing with me lately."

"I've drank my fair share already."

"I don't like how it makes me feel lately."

...and on it goes.

"No, thanks." is really all you need.

Foon

Thank you, I will use those lines.

My wife said that the counselor will tell me differently and I should be using 'I'm an alcoholic' as an excuse, but it's nobody else's business.

Foon

I have just woken to start day 2. Although I'm not a full time addict I am still feeling nervous, actually, I'm not sure it's nerves, I know today is going to be hard doing around my wife. She is still very upset. I found that my drinking on the weekends sometimes helps me block out her anger and frustrations with me, not trying to make this an excuse for my drinking, that's why I am seeing a counselor to learn to deal with her emotions and moods. Actually, she isn't always that way, and i can't use that as excuse for every weekend, but it does get to me. She suffers from depression, lack of self-esteem (which she blames on me). She has had an very difficult life with an abusive alcoholic father which is why I believe she is so against me drinking, in turn I hid the bottles to make out I was drinking less which makes me just as bad. But the kids and I get brunt of her anger and of her issues, though she is alot better with the kids recently.

A new road of awareness and patients on my behalf is starting and I think that's where the nerves are coming in. Anticipation for more anger and antagonising questions.....

My wife told me about thus forum, I known she is on here. But I need to tell how I am feeling and why am feeling like this without being scared that she will read it. Actually I'm while writing this I am concerned about what she will say when she does read it.....

Here goes......

Hevyn

I'm so glad you're here, Foon. You are never alone. Talking things over with those who understood and cared was a big relief for me. I hope you'll feel the same. Be proud of your decision to reclaim your life.

Quit290117

Welcome Foon, Christmas Day 2016 I had over 2 months sober thought i would have one glass of wine with my dinner (I was never even a wine drinker) I literally finished the bottle and then carried on. Next day ended up having a big session in a pub. Quit again end of January as you can tell by my username. Took me until 18th June to crack it again. 15 weeks sober now. I still wonder about Christmas and special events but it's just one more day. That wine didn't make last Christmas any better. I'm not one to dwell but it's a bitter pill to swallow thinking that if I had just not picked up that first one on Christmas Day I would be almost a year sober now.

As for other people don't worry what they think or assume. All I have said to a few close friends is that I decided to quit drinking. As for my drinking buddies I have hardly heard from them. I get more satisfaction out of talking to strangers on here.

Good luck and keeping logging in to SR.

axeman5971

Hi Foon - it’s not hard to see that you are an alcoholic, but that’s ok. It’s not a terrible thing the stigma would have you believe. You’re not a pariah. You’re not a bad person. You just have a makeup that won’t allow you to drink “normally” (without significant consequence).

If you’re doubting it, my evidence is this - wanting to moderate but failing, hiding or lying about your drinking, drinking to get drunk... sounds like me! I just had to accept putting it down for good. It’s my choice and I don’t have to justify it to anyone if I don’t feel like it.

I said, “I don’t drink” to a coworker this week for the first time. He has seen me drink. He has seen the results of bad binges indirectly. I don’t have to explain that I did drink before, or I used to drink, or why. What do I owe him?

I just owe it to myself, my health, my wife, my family, and my future.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Foon

Try and not get hung up on the label. Your drinking is causing you problems so it makes sense to stop.

You've got to do it for yourself tho, not your wife or kids.

This is a biggie but you need to ask yourself - If you hadn't been caught , would you still want to quit?

If not, why not? Aren't you deep enough in the hole already?

D

Foon

Hi all,

it's almost been a month without a drink, and TBH was really easy.....up until last night whe I returned home from work.

The cause of me wanting a drink......my wife.....

Just as a **** you to her, while she was shouting at me for, what she thinks is lying again, I was nearly there, in the fridge with HER bottle of rum.

I've not had one craving, not one! But being acused of lying and covering up something was almost it. I've had enough.

However, I waited for her to finish her rant, I got up and went to bed.

I have been asking her to arrange a couples session with her psychologist, bit she ignores the request.

So today, I will be emailing here to make an appointment as I have had it. I am sick and tired of always being the bad one.

All my actions in the past have been reactions to her pushing me over the edge, I am not excusing my actions, however, I am not one to lash out with out a reason. Yes, I have done wrong lied about a few things, hid drink, but I love my wife and have always been faithful. Not once have I even sent a flirty message or been inappropriate with another person.

This latest episode is my wife was going through my facebook, while I was at work and found I had blocked simeone. Why I blocked her, I don't know, I just did, why did I not just decline the request, I don't know. However, my wife now thinks I am lying and hiding something. I did a search I this person, some girl from USA, some bloody teenager, WTF!

Dee74

Hi Foon

don;t forget you said in your first post that you've lied a lot to your wife.

You and I know you're working hard to stay sober and change...but it may not be apparent to her, at least not yet.

It may be she still has a long list of resentments left over from your past behaviour.

My advice is to not make this a battle if who's right and who's wrong.

Communication will help see you through - if you can both drop your weapons for a little while?

D