alifpb

hi
my husband decided to move out of our home 4 months ago.... he said i nagged him....
yes i did ....hes now extemely over weight and poor health. we now know he has a severe back issue. (sorry but would take too long to go into more)
the run up to all this was i struggled with his drinking, hes an ex door man and even back 20 years, before work he would have a "quick swig" of vodka...that swig could be half a 70cl bottle.
back in may i asked for a divorce, (thinking it may make him look at our problems)
long story short, i came back from work to find hubby drunk and had
self harmed fairly bad. (i then find daughter was missing...now we know more of an attention thing) i called the police.
daughter found, husband went with police to a friends house, in that time they did say it seemed hubby had 'a drink issue' as they said he HAD to finish the booze he had. (luckily hubby wasnt too confrontational)
since then he has been staying at a friends, has only self harmed twice i think after him being stressed with me...???and ive been told has cut down his drinking..??
we are seeing a relate councellor and are dealing with our marriage issues, neither want to seperate, but im not sure whether i should bring up his drinking and self harming, i think he will put it down to being in pain..... but he has always drank alot, over past few yrs i would often find hidden bottles, i mentioned this to him other week , and he said he was scared i would have a go at him for drinking.... ???
ive been told by people im not to blame for his drinking and self harming, but now we know he is/was in a lot of pain is it worth just forgetting the past, or if we were to have a fall out will he go back to his ways.
(i just have a gut feeling he still thinks a swig isnt a sip)
so difficult to break it down with out waffling...

Anna

I think if you are seeing a marriage counsellor, and you are not being honest with him/her, it's not going to accomplish what you are hoping for. Self-harm and alcoholism are both serious problems, and I hope that your husband decides to seek help for himself.

JD

I agree, you need to tell the therapist. It's a big, if not main, issue. But bring it up something like "his drinking bothers me because...(I'm worried about him?, gives you anxiety?, you know why it bothers you". Not "he drinks too much". In the first you're making it about you, which is the only one you have control over. The second is accusatory

birdbird

I'm glad you're here. You might need some help too if you are afraid to bring up these serious issues in therapy. Hugs.