Stacy0701

Good Afternoon,
I just joined this page today. I have been married for 11 years to my husband who has been drinking for 6 of those years. He admits he has a problem & says he wants to quit but does nothing to help himself & puts the blame on me. He drinks alone & does not drink in front of me or our 2 kids (daughter 17, son 7) but it is not a secret either. He is just ashamed so drinks alone. I have held onto hope for so many years because he always holds a job, most would never know he drinks for he does not stumble or stutter but on average he drinks 12 beers a day. He has stayed consistent for years but this last year he did a few things I cannot ignore & realized it could get worse & probably will. He went into detox for 3 days last year & tried another 2 times to quit but does not seek help & always tries to do it alone. I just do not believe he is really ready to quit. I have educated myself on this disease & I do not allow his blaming to sink in for I know that is just a part of the disease. I work full time & could financially afford to support me & my kids but I am running out of hope & energy. Our marriage over the years is slowly turning into roommates for I am not attracted to this disease & he wants more out of our marriage but I have told him as long as he drinks, this is the best I can do. I would do anything to support him should he really want to quit. I would go to meetings or take care of the house & kids if he wanted to go to meetings & do whatever it takes. But he thinks it is a quick fix, let's have a good weekend & all will work out but there is no quick fix. I have no issues doing the work. Even if it takes a few years for then we get the rest of our lives but he does not seem to want to do the hard work. I want more for my life & for my kids. My oldest has noticed & in time my younger one will too. I want them to understand marriage is hard & you fight for it but I do not want them to see their Mom stay in a situation that is not fair to any of us. I am reaching the point of asking him to leave even though it breaks my heart for our marriage & my son who loves him to death but I am not really helping him by staying & just allowing him to continue drinking because he is comfortable with a roof over his head & our bank account to drink from. It is so hard for me to be the mean one & ask him to leave until he is quits but I have to remind myself, how I am helping him by keeping us in this place? Sorry for the long post!

duane1

Your story makes my heart ache because I was just like your husband. 2 kids, drank at night away from everyone. Does your husband know how close you are to leaving? Maybe the reality of that will scare him straight. It took a health scare for me. Unfortunately, an alcoholic will only quit when they are ready. So maybe he needs motivation.

Dee74

Hi Stacy
I'm sorry for what brings you here - but this is a place of great support.

I don't think you're being 'mean' when you're acting in your, and your childrens, best interests.

D

Stacy0701

Yes my husband knows I am close to asking him to leave but he continues to remind me of the things I have added to the demise of our marriage & what he claims are the reasons he continues to drink. He has had a few really scary things happen that shook him & he would quit for a week but then jumps back in!

Anna

Hi Stacy, I think it's important for you to do the right thing for your children and for yourself. I hope that your husband makes a decision to stop drinking, but in the meantime, you should focus on your children and yourself.

FreedomCA

Sorry for the precarious position you are in. It will not be an easy choice. All the best!