misscostalot

After one date with who I thought was a genuine, lovely guy I found out today that he is only after sex and is not interested in anything else. That in itself is fine (if that's what you want to do), but I said from the start I wanted something different. So. . .I have cancelled plans with him tonight and I can feel my thought turning to going out on the town. This of course would mean getting drunk in order to forget my disappointment. I REALLY don't want to do this. I just wish I had some sort of replacement for alcohol that made me feel fulfilled or made me forget that I am not!

At the moment I plan to head home after work, lie on the couch and watch tv. Not very exciting and I know that my mind will be full of negative thoughts. . . I just don't feel like doing anything else. :-(

Jules714

Hi.
Getting drunk won't help you too be the woman you want to be. It won't help you to be the woman a man wants to be with outside of bed. Probably not even in bed.
This is why I love AA. I get my "medicine'" and before and after I get to be social F2F.
Then I'm on here and I get to understand and be understood. I'm not alone.
There is someone for everyone. This guy isn't for you...it will happen when it's supposed to. Meantime pamper you.
If you want to stay in tonight, ok...I'll stand behind a pint of ice cream and some reality TV. I think hanging with a good girlfriend and laughing some would be the cherry on top.
You're not alone. I'm on the other side of the world and they all want FWB. I'm not down with that.
Make it a great night!!
Jules

misscostalot

Hi!
Thanks so much for your post. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. So the FWB thing is not exclusive to Europe then?!

I have made arrangements to see friends tomorrow and Sunday. .. just going to chill out on my own tonight. think I'll get a pizza and watch some trashy tv!!

You are right about the drinking - it's not the woman I want to be.
Have a great WE!

Bunny211

Hi, yeah I've had that happen to. Here's the thing, you're a strong person, you got sober. Don't let a guy who doesn't appreciate you make you drink. Don't hand over your power to someone else. Stay sober and you'll eventually attract the right type of guy!! Hugs to you!

Maudcat

Hi, miss.
Glad you found out his intentions early on.
I like the ice cream idea.
Peace.

misscostalot

Thanks ladies.
Yeah, I have spent too long not being in control. . . need to take charge.
Believe it or not. . . I am not a fan of ice cream!!! (I know I'm a weirdo! Hahaha) I'll replace that with pizza!

Maudcat

Pizza is good, too.

Bunny211

Booyah, I love pizza. I might get some tonight haha.

Anna

Misscostalot, you're doing great. It's okay to feel sad and just sit with the feelings for a bit. I found that I was so afraid of pain and sadness since I had been numbing those feelings for a few years. But, the fear of the emotions was far worse than actually feeling the feelings. Be proud of yourself for seeing the situation for what it was and taking care of yourself.

Jules714

Ha, regrettably, no, FWB is not indigenous to Europe.
I'm not a sweets person either! I said that as most of my girlfriends are. I am carbs and cheese all the way!!
I'm glad you have plans with friends this weekend. The longer I stay sober the more I anticipate to bring to the table when I'm ready to date. Even better? I will expect the same from a man and will not settle.
I spent the past two years drink and with a man who was not for me. Served a purpose, but I'm better off sober and alone.
I'm happy. I have my moments, but overall very content. Not stressing about yesterday (which coincidentally, was a shite day) nor fretting about the future. That takes me out. Living simply has been key this time. Acceptance and gratitude are as well. It's working!
You have a great weekend as well!!
Jules

misscostalot

Thank you for this!

AnvilheadII

Be proud of yourself for seeing the situation for what it was and taking care of yourself.

Anna beat me to it! you made a choice that supported what YOU want out of life. that represents who YOU are.

dating is a lot like shoe shopping. there are shoes that are just freaking gorgeous or insanely cute or stompin' sexy - til you try and get them on your foot..........and then walk. if they don't fit, they don't fit. they won't fit in the store or in your closet.

enjoy that pizza. never a bad choice!!!!!

misscostalot

Thank you.
It'd be nice to find a shoe that fits! I'm hoping that sobriety will bring better prospects and choices!
😊

SimplyFree

My drinking got out of control because of heart relationships. I have determined never to let anyone or circumstance have that much control over me again. That being said I still feel lonely, sometimes the pain jumps up again for a moment, but I am as committed as I can be to never go down the nasty slide that alcohol takes me. I'll just be lonely or disappointed....whatever. It passes.

misscostalot

Yeah...my relationship disasters are the primary reason I binge drink. ..to numb the rejection. It does. ..only for a while. I just need to deal with it sober. It's scary but necessary.
Thanks for posting.

PurpleKnight

There's no harm in sitting in on the weekend, we don't need to be seizing the day straight out of the Sober blocks, be good to yourself.

SR is in your corner!!

Delilah1

I'm glad you found out who he was now, you are making positive changes in your life, and you don't need someone like that.

Hope you enjoyed your evening in, and have a good time with friends the rest of the weekend.

Jules714

I had a whole bunch of plans for today and everything went wrong. I've been home all day quite disappointed. I feel lonely and glum too! The rain isn't helping. Thankfully I don't feel like heading to the liquor store.
I do feel like pizza tho. I'm just too lazy to go get it! Just wanted to share that I am in the same boat. Solidarity! This too shall pass, right?
I love the shoe analogy!
Even biting shoes are better than an ounce of self worth lost!!
Jules