CabinFiddler

I don't know if I'm a problem drinker or an alcoholic. I don't drink every day, I'm not a day drinker, but when I drink, I do so to get buzzed and relieve my anxiety. I have been able to go months without drinking in the past, but I miss it - especially in the Fall, when I like to sit out by an open fire.

I had cut way back, but I have developed a heart condition and I could tell even a couple hard ciders stressed out my heart. So I quit a little over two weeks ago.

I've got problems on a great many fronts - besides health, I got divorced from my 2nd marriage over a year ago, and have been living in a secluded cabin for two years. I have a few friends, but I sometimes go days without seeing people. I'm 59 and the business I ran for 30 years has almost fizzled away and I'm close to not having enough to pay bills. I may have to find a regular job, and where I live, they don't pay much. So I have overwhelming challenges on many fronts.

Right now, I have zero motivation even though now's when I need it the most to deal with career. I feel like there is a well of sadness inside me that won't stop gushing. I need to be networking, but all I do is lay around. I hate that I have to make such dramatic changes, and I'm dragging my heels.

I was hoping that quitting drinking would also have the benefit of increased energy and motivation, but so far, the opposite is true.

I have support systems. I belong to a men's group and I can contact other members when I need to, but I don't know if they would understand my current malaise. I meditate daily. I write down at least 5 things I'm grateful for daily. I journal. I see a therapist twice a month. I take my dog to the park every day for a walk, (but my doctor doesn't want me to do heavy exercise because of my heart, which is too bad because I want to lose some weight). The only thing I haven't done is go to an AA meeting. I'm trying to make progress without having to resort to that. I may call my GP tomorrow to explore taking a medication to help.

So I am doing some things I know should be helping me, but right now, I can't seem to break from this funk. My therapist tells me that given my situation, it's pretty normal to feel this bad. But that doesn't help me get past it.

I know this is a lot of information, so if you read it all, thank you. If you've been through something similar, please let me know how you survived it!

Thanks again.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad that you have two weeks of sobriety. That's great and it sounds like you are doing a lot of things to support your recovery. You do have a lot to deal with in your life, so you may need to be patient, which isn't easy. I'm glad you have a therapist to help you through the issues. I also think it's good that you are open to talking to your dr about medication, if needed.

I think it's good to remember that you are still early on in recovery. It took me more than two weeks to begin to feel good. For me, it took longer than that to begin feeling better about my life.

You can always come here and read and post and be inspired.

Purplrks3647

Welcome, CabinFiddler! Do you like art/music? I've been trying to get back into the habit of waking up my creative side by drawing, etc.....(easier said than done, I have found!) I also like listening to my favorite music; it can be therapeutic. Anna brought up a good point, too, about patience. I need to remember that as well! Stay close to SR....this place is great!

RuneStone

Congratulations CabinFiddler on 2 weeks!! I face some of the issues you mention like isolation and financial concerns. Also I too haven't had a jolt of energy since I quit 16 days ago. So I can't say how I survived it as I'm living it. But I'm sober which is huge. Keep up the good work!

CabinFiddler

Thank you, PurpIrks. I am a graphic artist and I also write - and play the fiddle. I'm trying to do more of each, but again, motivation is low right now. I did a stream of consciousness writing today, but it was pretty dark.

Dee74

Hi CabinFiddler - welcome

I found myself depressed for a while too, for no good reason apart from my mind and body healing from some long term alcohol abuse.

things got better for me in my second month and I'm hopeful they'll get better for you too, maybe even a little quicker than that.

If they don't I'm sure it will do no harm to see a Dr?

D

FreedomCA

Can you figure out another option to lose weight since you can't really exercise? Losing weight like you want to may improve your self esteem which may then increase your motivation and decrease your depression. Good luck!

SimplyFree

The first 30 days were kinda tough for depression and anxiety for me. But it continually improved. So hang in there 16 days is an awesome start and better days are on the horizon for sure......and more energy too!!