JADIII

So I'm more of a binge drinker but I should say that over the last 6 months I've been pretty much drinking at least one or two a night (mostly more).

I went to bed last night after a long weekend of drinking (4 nights) and just had that uneasy feeling. Well I wasn't able to get to sleep so just laid there and stared at the ceiling all night.

So here's my question. At the age of 49 I think it's time to throw in the towel. If not for my little boys and my marriage just a general sense of health and actually being able to look in the mirror and be proud versus what I see there now. Right now I see someone that sneaks drinks, says I've only had a couple (which is far from true) and just overall doesn't make anyone in my life very proud of me. The problem is that everything I/we do, somehow involved booze. Whether it's golf, dinners sitting in the yard, it always seems to lead to that and all of my friends are much more than social drinkers. My brother gave up booze about 6 years with no help other than just saying, I'm done. I don't know if I have that same resolve but its scary to think of never having another drink again.

I seem to have "caught" some hypochondria over the last 6 months but when I drink I don't think as much about every little nick or pain on my body. This has lead to a cycle of hypochondria which leads to drinking, etc....

Just wanted to hear some other feedback/stories of what I'm in for.

Also, I don't prefer to go to AA if I don't have to. Any feedback will be much appreciated.

Thanks

applewakesup

Hi Jadiii,
Your situation sounds much like mine. I am 47 years old and when I told my boyfriend I was quitting drinking he said, "you don't even drink that much!" The fact that I haven't yet destroyed my life is what kept me coming back for so long. The back and forth - am I an alcoholic or not - taking a month off to "reset" - moderating... Anyway, it doesn't matter. Alcohol was making my life less good. The older I get, the worse my hangovers get, and the less alcohol it seems to take to make me hungover. My hangovers are more linked with shame and dread now too. So why not quit?

I have a similar lifestyle in that our social group all drinks (mostly not alcoholics, but alcohol is present at all events). What I found is that no one cares if I drink or not. When people ask (often they don't), I just say I was sick of hangovers, and most of them say "Oh, I hear that!"

Don't think of never having another drink again. I decided to try going 100 days without alcohol and see if my life is better or worst after those 100 days. What's there to lose? It's super easy to start drinking again if you decide your life is worse sober. I bet you'll find it is much better. I am 36 days in now and so, happy I made this change.

BTW, I went to one AA meeting and it wasn't for me so I don't have much to offer on that front, but I have tried to keep options open. I have signed up for several meetup groups that do active things early on the weekends (kayaking, hiking, trail running, etc.). No way would I want to do those things hungover!

Good luck in your decision!

JADIII

This is really what I was looking for in a reply to thanks so much. I just feel like the anxiety/depression is always there and the only thing that is a constant in my life was booze. Removing this seems easy to say but maybe a little harder to do.

just tired of feeling horrid and then a few days later not being able to remember how bad I feel right now and how little I've getting done. Must be a way to send a shock or constant reminder to not go back to this feeling.

Thanks again

doggonecarl

The failure of memory to serve as a defense against drinking is a hallmark of alcoholism:

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

--From the Big Book of AA

You say you don't want to go to AA if you don't have to. And you don't have to, unless court ordered to do so. But if your goal is sobriety, shouldn't you remain open to what could work? At least read the Big Book, available online. Perhaps something will strike a cord.

As for your life revolving around alcohol...that's because you drink and the only things you want to do are those that support drinking. When you quit drinking, and when you put a halt on attending alcohol-centric activities, you'll find there are things to do that don't involve drinking. But you have to get sober to realize that. It's not an easy concept to grasp when you are actively addicted to alcohol.

JoeCree

Im 43 with 3 kids under 10. Much like you I was involving alcohol with every event o4 chore I was doing. It got to be too much, and when I started to "think" of my next drink earlier and earlier in the day I knew the gig was up.
It's fairly easy to quit, especially when youre driven but staying sober is the real hurdle. Im approaching 20 something months now and just starting to truly enjoy all the engagements that once must included alcohol.
Basically I just stayed away from anything that increased my anxiety, and slowly over time just started to become normal again.
It feels good knowing i can go to a bbq and I dont even "care" if alcohol is tgere as I simply dont need it anymore.
Im i cured? Definately not. I know i can never pick back up, and truly I just wouldnt want to. My life was so chaotic before. Now, and yes i still have stretches of stress from work etc... but life is much easier and mire enjoyable.

JADIII

Thanks, of you don't mind me asking, what is so much easier? Is the fact that you won't be hungover, driving the kids, always making sure there's enough booze for the night. I know I've spoken to my brother about this and he agrees but other reasons.

Thanks

MidnightRider

JAD - Hey and Welcome.

Your story seems very similar to me.

I had the same revelation and somehow found it inside of me to QUIT drinking all together.

I did it alone...... No AA or any other "outside" help. Other than this wonderful place.... SR. This place saved my life or at least gave it back to me... Plus I figure being sober will hopefully add a few extra years ..

As for never drinking again.... YEP been there and DONE that (bought the T-Shirt). I too thought, everything is better with a drink... All the events I went to .. revolved around drinking.

But I knew... I wasn't going to drink normally. Which would lead to drunk and all that goes with it... Not to mention the hiding booze .. (so I don't look like I was drinking too much)..

Heck I told friends I had quit the other day at a BBQ.... They could not believe it. They thought I was a light drinker ( heehee... had them fooled ...I was drinking nearly a Fifth a day.)

I had some stumbles and falls...... I think it is part of the process. BUT .... when I finally surrendered, I became the man and proud father. That can look in the mirror and be proud and not guilty any more.

Not to mention... Body and face looks better, Im doing better at work, I play more music ... In fact being sober helped me to actually be a better singer. PLUS Bonus ... no more stomach / gut problems. Which was really bothering me.

PM me any time if you need anything!

MR

JADIII

Thanks MR, I appreciate that. Having this be my first real go at this. How soon until you felt better? I know it varies widely depending on age, amount, etc. but do you have any general guideposts you hit where you said, "Hey my head is clear" or Hey I lost weight, etc.

Thanks again

MidnightRider

Hey - I'd say the first 60-90 days is the first huge transformation.

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you posted.

I think what's easier in recovery is not obsessing about alcohol, at least for me it was. I was no longer caught up in the obsessive thoughts about when, where, etc I could drink.

And, alcohol is a depressant and causes anxiety. I think you will find that your anxiety/depression diminishes as days and weeks go by and that will make your life more manageable.

Dee74

Everything in my life revolved around booze too.

The only time I didn't drink was in the shower cos the water might dilute my beer

Sounds like a joke but unfortunately not - I was drinking all day everyday. All my friends did too, or were massive bingers.

so...changes yep. Massively.

Changes in what I did for fun, changes in some friends, changes in how I dealt with problems or stress...

The fear of those massive changes kept me drinking - until one day I nearly died. That beat fear of change for me.

I can honestly say it was hard - damned hard sometimes - but I got a great new life out of it.

I love who I am and I love my life. My friends are real friends and our connection not simply drinking.

I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten about.

Although the way is hard, it gets easier - and support helps.

I doubt you'll find any better support that here at SR.

Welcome aboard

JoeCree

the above reasons you mentioned yes exactly.. and..
- embarrassment of talking to neighbours drunk.
- coaching my kids sports teams with alcohol breath
- depression
- anxiety
- impotence (and my wife is stunning)
- wife always mad at me (humilation)
- unable to find happinness in anything i did
- lost 45 lbs without dieting...

I can go on.. it's the greatest decision you can make.. and one that you can proudly tell yoir kids you dont even drink. They will grow up in a sober environment = which will translate well for their 50 some years when they leave our house.

Gottalife

I would not have gone to AA if I didn't have to either. I really hope I was what AA describe as a hard drinker, someone who can stop or moderate if they choose, even though they may need some medical help to detox. I am glad I didn't get my wish. Practically all of my hard drinking buddies died in their fifties. They are just as dead as if they had been real alcoholics. Excess alcohol causes physical damage whether or not the drinker is suffering from alcoholism.

I spent as much time as I could trying to find ways to skirt the issue of alcoholism. If I accepted I was a real alcoholic, then my options were limited. The only known solution is complete abstinence for life. So it tried other things, looked for issues to pin my problems on, but in the end I was forced to confront the truth which in my case wa the abc s of AA.
a) that I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life
b) that probably no human power could relieve my alcoholism (many had tried)
c) that God could and would if he were sought

I sought, and He did. That's my story anyway.

There is just as much chance that you may be a hard drinker, and you can just knock it on the head of you make a firm decision to. Many do that. Just wake up one day and think " enough is enough" and they can do it. There is only one way to find out.