haploxeralf

Hi - I was sober for two months, then relapsed. Stopped taking disulfiram two weeks ago, waited until it was safe to drink, and have been drinking every night for a week now. Every morning I plan on pouring the remaining alcohol down the sink, and by 10 or 11 have changed my mind and am counting the beers to make sure I have enough for tonight. Can anyone relate?

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR haploxeralf. I can definitely relate, and I think most others here can too. Addiction is not "logical" - you'd think that anyone in their right mind that sees what drinking does would quit immediately, but yet we continue right on with all the bad stuff staring us in the face.

For me the breakthrough was finally accepting that I am an addict and that drinking any alcohol ( even one ) is never going to be an option.

haploxeralf

Thanks for the reply, ScottFromWI. Yeah, I can't believe that I do this to myself knowing full well all of the consequences of the behavior. I know I'm an addict but I'm embarrassed by it, and don't want to be the only person I know who can't have a drink with friends. Only thing is, I can't have A drink, and it pisses me off.

Jules714

I can relate.
In fact the only thing I cannot relate to is the fact that you had any alcohol left come morning much less to last through to the next evening!
I drank all day and night unless I had to be at work. There was never anything left (unless I was too hammered to remember that I had left some in a drawer or cabinet somewhere. )
Today I was looking for stamps and found an old empty. Trash, trash, trash!
GL,
Jules

starstarstar

I'm not sure what disulfiram is but if it helps you stay sober can you take more of it?
The friends thing is just.. well, it's tough. Changing your lifestyle isn't easy but you'll do it.

Dee74

Welcome back haploxeralf

I think a lot of us can relate. Why not pour the stuff down the sink when you go to bed - wake up to a day one?

D

skipper63

Totally relate. Kind of like that nice feeling I had driving home, knowing I had half a fifth in the cabinet waiting for me. Yeah, and saving a little for weekend mornings to get me going...

Day One for me today. Thanks for posting.

nova84

Hi haploxeralf,

This is not sarcasm but it sounds like you need a few more things added to your 'plan' x

MidnightRider

You had 2 months sober ... then relapsed ... yes I can relate.

But I can also relate to pouring everything down the drain...
heading to bed.... watch a movie....hunker down for the night!

Wake up tomorrow and start Day 1 ...... choice is yours.

haploxeralf

Thank you everybody for the wisdom and encouragement. Finally at Day 1 and looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning without a hangover!

Forward12

Why?

DesertTraveler

I relapsed as well, after 3 or more months of sobriety. And things got pretty bad = especially with my wife. I ended up in the hospital and when I finally got home, found that my wife left and took my son with her. Finally hit rock-rock bottom and have been sober for a month now. Luckily I married 1 in a million, and my wife and I are going to try to keep working things out. So.... I can absolutely relate to your post. Stay close to SR and get sober friend. I wasn't always convinced of this truth, but I firmly believe now that people like us cannot "control" our drinking, cannot even have one drink, or we will "start up" again. There is a lot of support here. Give up the drink.

LastingChange

[QUOTE=For me the breakthrough was finally accepting that I am an addict and that drinking any alcohol ( even one ) is never going to be an option.[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree with this more. I've been on and off the wagon several times over the past few years, and the breakthrough for me has come in finally accepting that I cannot drink - ever - AT ALL. I had to face up to the fact that I am not someone who can just have one, or a social few. With that realisation and acceptance, I have gained the resolve and determination to stay sober long term.