darkstar1881

Hello everyone. I was curious if anyone else had very specific triggers for when they drink. I have one really bad one that keeps me relapsing, and I don't know how to prevent it from happening.

I hate being home alone and I live by myself. I find that if there are people around, or if I am in a relationship, I don't have a problem with alcohol cravings.

My cravings are the worst around 4-5pm when I am about to leave work. It is torture trying to drive the 20 minutes home without hitting the liquor store.

I did 6 months of talk therapy. I didn't like AA because it's spiritual goal were too vague and I am not a Christian.

Any suggestions?

Soberandhealthy

Go to the gym after work it should take care of the difficult time. Best of luck

One of my triggers is my job, there is a big drinking culture and I have to go to many events and dinners so there's drinking there too.

VigilanceNow

Re: AA being too religious - don't let the seemingly dogmatic language put you off to it. I'm not religious so it's sometimes annoying to hear so many mentions of God, but really higher power is whatever you want it to be. Most meetings follow the old language, but again it's not meant to be strictly a Christian god.

As for triggers, I totally get the one about living alone. I used to hole up in my apartment and sip (or chug) vodka when I didn't know what to do with myself. But I don't think being in a relationship is the answer necessarily... I was sober for the first few months with my ex and thought that was fixing it, but it reared its ugly head eventually.

You should give AA another chance, or other groups. It's really helpful to have a sober network of people who can share experience and understand what it's like. Isolating myself kept me in a drunken cycle for a long time. You can do it!!

PhoenixJ

First- there is HALTS- Hungry, Angry,, Lonely, Tired (or thirsty) and Sad.
Also emotional triggers- changes good or bad.
The 5.00pm bit? Perhaps ritual. The anticipation of a well deserved drink after a hard day's work (thus the beer ads). Also the physical feeling of being relaxed. A conditioned response. also ROUTINE- 'I ALWAYS HAVE A DRINK AFTER WORK'. socialising. Any excuse in the end- then just drinking, just did it without having triggers. Having something to do- a plan of informed- thought out action when these feelings/cravings/thoughts come into p[lay is important. For example- meetings.

Dee74

Welcome darkstar

For me, I hated being alone too - but being alone sober gave me the chance to get sober in my own company.

I thought I was the lowest nastiest most reprehensible person ever - but once I took the booze away I found I wasn't that terrible at all.

My self hatred (and terror of being alone with myself) was misguided.

I not only learned to like myself but I learned to like my own company as well, and I think thats important, because some of us lead lives where we simply can't be surrounded by people 24/7

Of course, people are important too and I'd never suggest otherwise

did you consider SMART Recovery or Lifering meetings? Meeting based, but Secular approaches...

Good way to meet new folks?

D

MrPL

Hi darkstar,

I had a similar problem for a while. Used to drink on my train journey home, and the drinks trolley still goes past me everyday.

Point is some triggers are and will always be unavoidable, and I still feel like drinking when the trolley goes past me, but I realised the real trigger was my willingness to drink. And this is 100% down to me to control.

In other words, if you establish drinking is never a choice, then triggers become meaningless.

You can do this.
P

SunnyDenver

I could have written this myself, I too live alone and the loneliness, combined with self-created stress at work, just wears me down. By 5pm I'm ready for relief in the bottle- but the of course, I sleep like crap and feel awful the next day, which exacerbates the downward spiral...The cycle has to stop.

FreeOwl

Triggers?

Oh.... you mean LIFE HAPPENING.

Sure.... sure, I had lots of examples of addictive responses to LIFE HAPPENING.

But triggers are really only useful as part of a plan in the early days.

Eventually, we come to realize that triggers - i.e. LIFE HAPPENING - don't really matter when we are in a grounded place of strong sobriety, doing the work of sobriety, remaining aware and making the right choices, taking the right actions.

"Triggers" in some ways are just a cop out, in my view. They're externalizing the lack of a choice. The idea of "triggers" is a convenient way of making it not our fault or responsibility.

The only way to stop LIFE HAPPENING is to stop LIFE.

So until we're dead - there will be "triggers" if we choose to allow them.

Recovery removes 'triggers' and gives us the empowerment to respond to LIFE HAPPENING in healthy, conscious ways.

fini

triggers show where there is work to be done, not drinking.

it's where the "you will need to change things other than not drinking" comes in so often.
learning to be okay with aloneness or learning/practicing being with others /doing new things are all doable.

welcome, darkstar.
stick around.

Fusion

I agree, once recovered, there are no triggers. If a tiny, inconsequentially little AV thought or feeling (I want a drink) reacts to a so called trigger......it's not me, because I've chosen not to drink.

Therefore, it's just the silly, stupid habituated neuro-circuits lighting up for a fraction of a second. The AV only lasts longer, if someone gives it attention, fights with it, thereby perpetuating it.