REM700

So, after waking up on 5/1/17 with a nightmare hangover from binging all weekend, I decided that I've had enough. I could barely make it to work with the shakes, sweats and vomiting.

Realized pretty quickly that cold turkey wasn't going to be pleasant after a habit of 1.75L of vodka every 2 - 3 days for the past several years. I decided I'd try to taper. Monday was 10 units, Tuesday was 10 units, Wednesday turned out to be another binge, leaving me with another massive hangover and at that point, I realized that I couldn't take another drink. Fortunately, I was able to get my hands on some Valium and Ativan which I started last Thursday. Ended the benzos on Sunday and here I am today, feeling great with 8 days off the booze and 4 days completely clean.

Still have wine bottles in the wine cooler, half a 1.75 of Grey Goose, a case of Heineken and a case of New Castle in the garage fridge. Is it bizarre that I have absolutely no desire to touch any of it? The thought of the taste of any of it makes me sick to my stomach.

I've been juicing greens, carrots and beets everyday, along with vitamin supplements and probiotics. I've always managed to eat healthy, despite poisoning myself with booze everyday. I actually feel myself craving the fresh green juice. As a matter of fact, I'm experiencing and urge to drink some green juice as I type this.

While I feel that the worst part of withdrawal is behind me, I consciously see myself getting irritated easily and VERY short tempered. It's like the same irritability I experienced when quitting the Cigs. I recognize it right away and try to step back and reevaluate the situation before I say things that I might regret.

Anyway, I've read a ton of posts on this site and found many to be inspirational. I know that I can't moderate. I know that I can't control it once I take that first drink. My only option is to never take another first sip.

tomsteve

welcome,REM.
if you never want to take another drink again, then PLEASE get the booze out of your house. still having it there is sub consciouscly saying,"i'm not done yet."

you may have no desire to any of it. YET.

REM700

I hear you, and the thought crossed my mind. My wife is NOT an alcoholic, but will occasionally have a glass of wine or bottle of beer. I don't think throwing it all out is an option without sending a clear message that I'm unable to control myself.

Money isn't an issue and where I live in So. California, alcohol can be had at any corner market from 6am - 2am. Strolling to the corner is just as convenient as walking into the garage. The only way I'll stay quit is to not take the first sip.. Ever. I think I've come to terms with that. The rest of my life depends on it; I'm only 39.

Hevyn

Hi REM - great to have you with us.

8 days is fabulous. Irritability, anxiety, all sorts of emotions are normal. I was euphoric one minute, in tears the next - for a few days. It all settled down. You're doing a wonderful thing for yourself. Congratulations. (Wish with all my heart I'd been only 39 when I quit.)

CreativeThinker

Welcome to SR. I too wish I had stopped drinking when I was your age. Great job on day 8!

Best wishes on your recovery journey!

Dee74

'I don't think throwing it all out is an option without sending a clear message that I'm unable to control myself.'

is that such a bad thing?
Accepting you have a problem is actually a major part of recovery IMO.

Or do you mean what others will think?

thats not the statement you'd be making getting rid of the booze anyway, REM.

Think of it as a declaration of independence

My house is alcohol free - not because I'm scared of it or I'm weak but because alcohol no longer plays a role in my life.

D

PhoenixJ

Self medicating- red flag to me. Please see a doctor. Support to you.

thomas11

Welcome to SR REM. That's a pretty healthy amount of booze your were drinking and I'm glad you haven't suffered any serious withdrawals. You will like yourself and your life much better sober. Its the best decision I've ever made. Good job and keep going.

sweetichick

Congratulations on 8 days. I'm at the same time. Good job on the vegetables.

tomsteve

you may be able to control yourself at this moment. but alcoholism is cunning,baffling,powerful,patient, and deadly. it is sitting there waiting for that mental twist that can occur and you think you are in control and can have a drink. and once you have a drink:
"Realized pretty quickly that cold turkey wasn't going to be pleasant after a habit of 1.75L of vodka every 2 - 3 days for the past several years. I decided I'd try to taper. Monday was 10 units, Tuesday was 10 units, Wednesday turned out to be another binge, leaving me with another massive hangover..."
there is no control. its alcoholism calling the shots.

there was alcohol very convenient for me in the town i got sober in. first thing i did was get rid of the booze in my hoouse. ya know what that did? the time i said, "**** it. im going to get a 12 pack", the trip to the store was enough time for me to see how insane that thought was.
and i turned around.

REM700

is that such a bad thing? It's not necessarily a bad thing, but I've always had tremendous will power. I've stopped many addictive behaviors, including smoking.
Accepting you have a problem is actually a major part of recovery IMO. I've accepted it and I realize that I cannot drink moderately or socially. It's all or nothing for me, same as cigs.

Or do you mean what others will think? Valid point. I think I very well may be embarrassed by this whole thing. I certainly feel stupid for allowing it to progress to the level it was.

Today is day 9! I'm not going to drink today, or ever again. I appreciate your comments and will continue to read on this forum. Should I feel weak or vulnerable, I know I can always come here for support. Thanks, Dee!!

tomsteve

were those addictive behaviors showing all the time or were ya trading one addiction for another?
when you kicked smoking, did you leave a pack of smokes near ya? all them other addictive behaviors ya kicked, did you keep them near you after?

REM700

I have an addictive personality. Everything I do, including hobbies is always balls to the walls. I obsess about everything. If I pick up a new hobby, I feel like my life revolves around it. The only thing it really hurts is my pocket. Golf, fishing, shooting, running, remote control cars, planes, boats, etc.. Once I start, I find myself dedicating tons of time and money into these things. Not drinking has become one of these obsessions. I find myself reading for hours about alcoholism, the horror stories of withdrawal and people losing everything because of it. I'm quite determined to be done with the booze. None of the other drugs that I've played with in the past are remotely appetizing to me. Not the weed or the pills or anything else. I haven't touched any of those things is years.

I feel like I'm trading an addiction to alcohol for an obsession to never touch it again. Weird, I know; I think I'm better off with the obsession even though it consumes many hours of my day.

Cheers to day 9.

Tc4ever

Great job. For me it was a wild ride for over a year and I'm so greatful that I finally quit. I finally have over 2 years and I still have my weird days, but it is so worth it. hang in there and getting some support really helped me.

REM700

Survived the weekend and woke up this morning to day 12.

Man, what a weekend. Hosted a pool party on Saturday and the booze was flowing, testing my resolve. I didn't miss a moment thinking about drinking. At one point, around 3pm, I did think about how hammered I would be at this point had I not stopped. I would have probably started around 9am while getting things set up and ended up completely trashed by the afternoon.

As it turned out, I was up until about midnight cleaning up and putting things away before finally showering and hitting the sack. Woke up about 7am feeling great with no hangover to contend with.

I figure I've saved about $250 so far since I've quit the poison.

Heading out this evening to spend those savings at Home Depot and get some long overdue projects started around the house.

CreativeThinker

Congrats on day 12! Great job at the pool party Rem! Not sure how I would have handled a drinking party so early in my recovery. Very impressive!

REM700

Sheesh.. Day 14 today. Two weeks!!

Had to dump the vodka down the drain last night. Nagging thought in the back of my head that I couldn't seem to get rid of.. "Go ahead, just 1 drink.. 4 oz with a splash of orange juice won't be too bad; you've gone two weeks and have it under control."

I decided not to play around with these thoughts, so I dumped it out. Still have a bunch of beer left over from the pool party, but I hate beer and don't think about drinking it. I suppose if the disgusting thought of drinking beer creeps into my head, I'll ditch that as well.

Finally sleeping through the night and find it difficult to wake up in the morning. The bags under my eyes are all but gone and I have an energy throughout the day that I haven't felt in a long time. Could be the daily juicing and overload of nutrition that I'm feeding my body. Liver pain is gone and it sure does feel great to wake up without a hangover, even if I am still tired. The anxiety is gone as well. Had a script for Xanax and haven't touched the stuff since I decided to quit. Pretty sure the alcohol was causing my panic attacks. Good riddance.

SoberLeigh

Well done on 14 days, REM.

Very well done on dumping the vodka.

Glad to hear that you are already experiencing some of the benefits of sobriety.

Spoiler Alert: Sobriety just kept getting better and better and better.

Recovery Rocks.

rascalwhiteoak

Good job on 2 weeks!