WeaverBird

Seriously, do any of you think my problems might be caused by my drinking?
I know I'm not the brightest thing to hit this site (someone's gotta come last) but I just made a really nice meal from start to finish and I haven't done that since maybe 6 years. Surprised the oven worked.
I just thought I was a terminal loser and things just kept happening to me because of that.
Did anyone else think that?

BrendaChenowyth

Drinking certainly does impede our ability to be the best versions of ourselves. It prevents us from being productive and coming up with creative solutions to problems. It keeps us from enjoying the simple things in life.

I don't think it's a stupid question, I think it is a good observation.

WeaverBird

It was a real lightbulb moment for me, anyway! Thats what I want, a simple life.

Thanks B. It was a great meeting tonight. I can understand these alcoholics. I think I'm going to ask that lady to be my temp sponsor. I'm always terrified before I go tho and have to literally force myself out the door because I'm also terrified I'll drink and once I start that could be the death of me. Once I'm there the craving for a drink goes. I'm going to bed sober tonight. Miracle. I'm also terrified of a life sober. Fortunately, the last withdrawal is pretty vivid in my mind and thats winning so far.

Goodnight or good day to everyone in the wonderful net across the world.

Anna

Hi Weev, Sobriety really is eye-opening, isn't it!

It's normal to be scared when facing recovery. I was terrified, too. But, the thought of doing it is far worse than actually doing it. You will find your way through this.

Dee74

I know I seriously underestimated the breadth and scope of my drinking and it's effects.

I don;t think it's stupidity so much as being unwilling to look at things too closely, maybe?

Not drinking didn't solve everything for me but it got me a lot closer

Hope you enjoyed the meal Weev1l

D

Berrybean

Well, I know my life stopped being so unmanageable once alcohol was removed from the equation. Slowly my bank balance has got (for the most part) back into credit. The fridge is clean and has food in it that is actually edible. I pay my bills. I am able to keep on top of the cleaning (not 100% super clean, but certainly passable and hygienic ). I cook meals most days. The laundry gets done before the clothes supply is exhausted. If life throws me a curveball that I don't know how to deal with, I'm now able to talk to people as ask for advice or help without it being added to my stash of secret fears and shame. If i tell someone I'll do something I remember to put it in my diary, and make sure I see things through, so I'm not constantly covering myself and backtracking with excuses and blame shifting. And if there is a genuine mistake on my part nowadays, I'm able to be honest and up front about it and apologise, instead of feeling like I need to 'get away with it' or they might hate me.

None of the above seem like such big deals, but for a couple of decades I lived a life that involved all of the above, all at once. It was chaotic (not that it really seemed that way then for some reason - I just accepted it as My Life. My lot.) It was exhausting and depressing. I couldn't figure out why all this stuff kept happening to me? How other people managed clean homes and clean clothes, and not run out of petrol money before pay day, and not going to work full of fear... I definitely felt very much a victim of life.

Three years in and things are so, so much easier. I Still need to keep working my program though, or things soon start to go awry if the old alcohol thinking starts taking over. I have to remember that this is no done deal. I have to work to maintain it if I don't want to go back to that old chaotic, unmanageable life.

PhoenixJ

I drank because I had significant problem.
Alcohol became a significant problem.
Then I had the original problems and alcohol and the problems my behaviour caused because of alcohol.

Your light bulb moment is in no way insignificant. I know people in active recovery for decades who still have not found that moment. It shows your growth in awareness and in getting better.
Awesome.

totfit

Rebuilding self-esteem was a journey for me. It is amazing the changes one will see with time as long as we stay generally pointed in the right direction and generally doing the right things.