Hope!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Hope!
Hi All,
As of today, I’ve been sober 2 months. I surely wouldn’t be posting this message if I hadn’t found SR and the people here. The support and knowledge I have received from this site has been a lifeline for me. Saying “thank you” doesn’t begin to express my gratitude and sincere appreciation for everyone who has supported and encouraged me to not give up.
At the beginning of 2017 I was a sad girlie! Every morning consisted of dragging myself out of bed, finding the aspirin and Alka-Seltzer to relieve the train that was running through my head. What followed? Anxiety, wondering how much damage was done the night before, panic, shame, regret, fear, sadness, self-pity, gloom, exhaustion…you all know the drill. Some days I didn’t even make it out of bed. I laid there…thinking…trying to sleep, but couldn’t. Tried to read, but couldn’t focus. Tried to watch a move, but couldn’t…kept thinking of how I was wasting my life. Got up, tried to work in the office…but couldn’t…my hands were shaking so badly I wasn’t able to type or dial the phone. Tried to eat something…but couldn’t…my stomach was too upset and my hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold the fork. I absolutely hated every morning and I hated myself!
Once afternoon hit, I began looking forward to DH going out to the store to buy our booze for the evening. Finally, I would have some relief! The first bottle relieved the stress, second began to numb the guilt and by the time the third cork was popped, we were off and running. Some nights we would fight, other nights we would just drink until we passed out. If I didn’t pass out, I would stay up all night, 2am-3am-4am-5am…sunrise would come, and I was still drinking. DH was so out of it, he was unaware that I had been up all night. Those were the days that our drinking started at lunch time…straight through the evening.
On Feb 22nd I woke up and felt something new…a complete loss of hope. The fear was unsurmountable! I looked at myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I looked at my life and knew that something had to change. Through the grace of God, I picked the phone up and made an appointment to see a doctor. 9 days later, I found SR and posted for the first time.
Through therapy, SR, constant research and prayer I am finding hope again. Unfortunately, the problems that existed before I stopped drinking haven’t changed. They’re all still here, testing my sobriety every day. What HAS changed is the way I perceive and react to the challenges, triggers, my AV, “The Beast”! By using my tools, planning my work and working my plan, I WILL be posting here a year from now, celebrating the miracle!
Make it a great day everyone…life is too short not to!
As of today, I’ve been sober 2 months. I surely wouldn’t be posting this message if I hadn’t found SR and the people here. The support and knowledge I have received from this site has been a lifeline for me. Saying “thank you” doesn’t begin to express my gratitude and sincere appreciation for everyone who has supported and encouraged me to not give up.
At the beginning of 2017 I was a sad girlie! Every morning consisted of dragging myself out of bed, finding the aspirin and Alka-Seltzer to relieve the train that was running through my head. What followed? Anxiety, wondering how much damage was done the night before, panic, shame, regret, fear, sadness, self-pity, gloom, exhaustion…you all know the drill. Some days I didn’t even make it out of bed. I laid there…thinking…trying to sleep, but couldn’t. Tried to read, but couldn’t focus. Tried to watch a move, but couldn’t…kept thinking of how I was wasting my life. Got up, tried to work in the office…but couldn’t…my hands were shaking so badly I wasn’t able to type or dial the phone. Tried to eat something…but couldn’t…my stomach was too upset and my hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold the fork. I absolutely hated every morning and I hated myself!
Once afternoon hit, I began looking forward to DH going out to the store to buy our booze for the evening. Finally, I would have some relief! The first bottle relieved the stress, second began to numb the guilt and by the time the third cork was popped, we were off and running. Some nights we would fight, other nights we would just drink until we passed out. If I didn’t pass out, I would stay up all night, 2am-3am-4am-5am…sunrise would come, and I was still drinking. DH was so out of it, he was unaware that I had been up all night. Those were the days that our drinking started at lunch time…straight through the evening.
On Feb 22nd I woke up and felt something new…a complete loss of hope. The fear was unsurmountable! I looked at myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I looked at my life and knew that something had to change. Through the grace of God, I picked the phone up and made an appointment to see a doctor. 9 days later, I found SR and posted for the first time.
Through therapy, SR, constant research and prayer I am finding hope again. Unfortunately, the problems that existed before I stopped drinking haven’t changed. They’re all still here, testing my sobriety every day. What HAS changed is the way I perceive and react to the challenges, triggers, my AV, “The Beast”! By using my tools, planning my work and working my plan, I WILL be posting here a year from now, celebrating the miracle!
Make it a great day everyone…life is too short not to!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. It means so much!
Just learned today that we might be getting a new addition to the family...a red Pomeranian! He's a beautiful red puff of joy. A friend is moving and her daughters are leaving for college next fall...so she's looking for a new home for him. Nothing is definite yet, she needs to talk to the girls first... Boy, would I love to have a new little friend bouncing around here.
Crossing my fingers!
Just learned today that we might be getting a new addition to the family...a red Pomeranian! He's a beautiful red puff of joy. A friend is moving and her daughters are leaving for college next fall...so she's looking for a new home for him. Nothing is definite yet, she needs to talk to the girls first... Boy, would I love to have a new little friend bouncing around here.
Crossing my fingers!
!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us, CT! That means so much. I feel the same way about our family here. Congrats on your 2 months. It's wonderful to read of your optimism & enthusiasm.
I haven't seen a red Pom - I'm sure he's precious.
I haven't seen a red Pom - I'm sure he's precious.
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