Polaroid

... anyways, getting off topic here. Think about the next morning is a great one, and what has well, aside from my 1-day relapses, has kept more sober time than drunk time this year.

Evoo

Nice. My cousin offered me a Manhattan as a toast to our grandfather who passed a few years ago. I said, “nope, I can’t drink anymore.” He understood it to be health-related, but there was zero pressure or nudging after that. I joined the guys for cigars, had a great dinner, brought my own beverage, and we left after awhile with the kiddos.

First holiday down .

Dee74

Congratulations Evoo

D

KneePads

Great ideas thank you! Particularly the one about forgiving yourself for wanting to drink and planning how to deal with it rather than beating myself up for even wanting to! With me it’s very much a head game.
Some great suggestions here xxx

DriGuy

Yeah, that list was prepared by someone/group that has been there. Dealing with holidays seems to be a collective fear, especially among newcomers. And those rules should not be reserved just for holidays, because they are valuable tools that should be in every newcomer's general use toolbox during early recovery.

The list got my attention with the very first wisdom presented: Think ahead. Is it hard for you to be around alcohol? Be honest with yourself. Now is not a time for heroics.

I understood my tendency toward bravado could kill me. I thought real men should not be afraid of alcohol. But you should be afraid. Be very afraid. This was one of my very first insights. Don't try to face drinking situations with iron nerves. Feel free to flee for your very life, or better yet avoid the event altogether. Give yourself permission to be afraid. And when you do flee, no one has to know why. Mostly, no one will give a crap anyway. Your image won't be tarnished. Later on, people that count the most will approve of your decision to give up proving that you're a real drinkin' man. It was never as becoming as you thought it was anyway.

KneePads

You just made me realise something. Since I stopped, I have been in about 3 situations where strangers are all drinking around me, but I’m
not. And it didn’t bother me really. I was surprisingly uninterested.
The problem I think will come when it’s people I KNOW that are around me drinking. Friends or family.
Why is that? Familiar memories of drinking together maybe? Hmm. I don’t want to avoid the situations because doing that in the past makes me beat myself up for not trying out new situations and ‘growing’ properly into sobriety. If I avoid the situations of people drinking, I will keep avoiding it forever and feel kind of like it’s beaten me? …even though I’d be happy to hermit!! I am pretty anti social unless it’s one-on-one and not for very long! 😂😂

fishkiller

In the beginning I avoided situations I feared. I was in survival mode. Fight or flight so I chose flight.
I do not regret that decision one bit.

In time you feel safer trying new situations.
You Will Not become a hermit.

Sobriety has actually had the opposite effect on me.

Like dri said. When you do find yourself I those situations be prepared to flee asap if necessary. You don't need to explain anything to anyone.
We are all grown ups. We do what we want and not what we don't.
To hell with everyone else when it comes to my life.

You are asking good questions and that's a sign you are using your brain. Keep doing that and you'll be fine.

Just don't drink.
Easy peasy

Dee74

I might be repeating myself here but it’s important.

I avoided situations like that for a while - because my life depended on it. Literally.

My inner addict would use anything it could to get me into a situation where I might drink - pride or, the flip side of that, embarrassment was a pretty powerful tool for my addiction that bought me down more than once.

I can go anywhere now with anyone and be totally secure in the knowledge I will not drink, no matter what.

But I had to build up to that.
No one starts lifting weights at 300 pounds.

I had to build up ‘sober muscles’

I started small. I met people for coffee, pizza, sandwiches in the park. I pursued hobbies and interests…anything where it was not a drinkfest.

No one needs to be a hermit.. It’s not like you only have two choices of going out or sitting at home in the dark

I got stronger each time my ‘sober muscles’ got bigger…

and, when I knew I could stay sober, and I preferred to be sober, that I could face anything, then I could throw myself into more challenging situations - so long as I had a plan, and an escape route if things went awry.

​​​​​​​It’s not cheating to avoid tough situations too soon. Sometimes it’s necessary.

​​​​​​​D

DriGuy

As has been said, it won't be forever, you won't be as fragile as you were in the beginning, but I'll bet there will be a time when you won't feel such a strong need to hang out with your drinking friends anyway. Now, I'd feel safe in that situation, but at the same time I think, "Why would I want to be in that situation?" Drunks are not as fun as they think they are, at least not to most sober people.

In the past, has anyone ever said to you, "Oh, you're just drunk." Translated that can mean many things, commonly it means you would never act that way if you weren't drunk. Or it might mean something like you don't know what you're talking about. It is frequently stated as a bored observation.

Dee74

Hevyn

Yes we will!
We'll be clear headed and aware. There'll be no dealing with regrets, or cleaning up a mess in the aftermath.
My last drunken holiday was horrific, but it led me to SR and my many years of sobriety. Never going back to those sad old days.

Thanks again for this, Dee.