SoberFreckles

It's been almost a year since a drop of alcohol touched my lips.
And mostly, I'm fine about that. Most days, it feels very natural not to drink. In fact, I often feel like a fraud compared to the struggles some people sadly have on here.

But this week am at a work conference in the US with colleagues I want to get to know and bond with, and free bars every night. Monday night was a huge struggle. I barely knew anyone at the meet and greet and felt so uncomfortable with myself. Everyone else certainly appeared to be having way more fun than me. Last night, I went to bed at 6 pm, just to avoid the temptation and the onslaught of new people. I cannot do that tonight. My boss is here.

I know it is my decision not to drink, and it makes my life better, and I am basically just whining like a baby here, but everyone else at conference this morning with fun war stories from last night and a sense of camaraderie, and I just feel like an outsider.
This is a feeling I will willingly suck up, but i just wanted to get it off my chest.

Nonsensical

You can't change the way the wind is blowing, but you can change your sails and still reach your destination.

You.
Got.
This.

Done4today

Rant and rave all you want. Just don't drink.

Rocketrocket

Fill your glass with root beer and you will be able to hold conversations and make contacts a night... I'm sure the root beer hang over will be manageable ... only you know that alcohol is a problem.. And no one will question you holding a coke or root beer all..

2ndhandrose

My morning after war story likely would have included embarrassment, humiliation, very possibly a black out, adding a whole extra layer of anxiety.

Also, in my experience, most of the war stories are to hide the aforementioned.

You did good, keep doing it.

Alan6154

I've been in that situation recently. I sat back with a ginger-ale and people watched while taking advantage of the food situation. You can now look at it from a different perspective and see others that can't drink (two and silly) and some that shouldn't drink (10 and obnoxious). You also have the knowledge to separate fact from fiction in the war stories. I know it's not a proper analogy but I thought of myself as the only one at the arboretum who is allergic to bee's.

dwtbd

I second the above. Grab a soft drink and don't shy away from socializing, you may find soon enough that shining aura the AV is projecting onto others is as dull and unappealing as the socially 'lubed up' conversations.
And then go and catch a decent movie

halfalife

Ooof, the professional functions. I can second your comments above...drinking at those events mostly allowed for reducing my social anxiety or feigned attempt at bonding easier. I have a few recollections I cringe at...Only to wake up the next morning with more anxiety wondering how well I did teetering the line and how I behaved, following by the effort of seeking clues from others to determine if I had been a complete fool.

The main positives I noticed in what you shared are that you relied on a plan of removing yourself when you felt the discomfort was too much, and accepting to a degree the discomfort would be present, but committed to not drinking.

I hope you can be proud of that. You won't have to wake up hungover, sick, or worrying whether your dignity is in tact.

Congratulations on all counts...I will keep your post as a reminder when I travel again with colleagues for work once again starting tomorrow.

** I have had a few functions in the past thirty days I was concerned about and after the first hour it waned and after two hours I felt it reasonable time to excuse myself to get good rest. My excuse so far has been early gym workouts and no one has readdressed my lack of alcoholic beverage in hand.

I have very little time on the table in terms of being sober, but this issue was a concern/worry for me because my profession encourages socializing (which I had grown to detest as a heavy nightly binger) and credibility was somehow tied to this very finite type of social drinker that I could never be.

teatreeoil007

1st of all, grats on almost one year. That's freakin' awesome.

Now: on to feeling 'uncomfortable' and expectations. (you're expected to be there; expected to mingle, and you have placed an expectation upon yourself to "bond" with your colleagues.)

I've tried to put into practice how to pay heed to that feeling I get of being 'uncomfortable' and what it really means and what to do about it.

We all like comfort right? I mean, c'mon, who really wants to be uncomfortable?

But, honestly? For myself? When I am uncomfortable some of it has to do with fear .... fear of the unknown ... fear of how I will "do" ... or how I will hold up or get through it ... fear of messing up and not doing things 'right' ... and yes, sometimes just fear of how others will take me.

But, there are times when the feeling of being 'uncomfortable' is a warning I need to pay heed to. I need to 'listen up'; pay attention.....

In some cases, being uncomfortable actually keeps us more on our toes.

So, whatever is the case here for you, I hope it works out good and you stay sober no matter what. There comes a point in which you just value your sobriety more than how others perceive you and what not and that's probably why you turned in early. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

JustTony

Remember you were one of those people that looked like you had enjoyed yourself the next morning - when secretly hating the fact that you're drinking was out of control and hoping that you hadn't said or done anything silly?

I wonder how many of your colleagues felt like that this morning as they wore their painted on smile?

Sure as eggs are eggs - there were alcoholics amongst them....

Be glad for where you are.. a year is amazing. I'm on day two and can only hope to post such a story one day.

Tony

SoberFreckles

Thanks everyone for your support. Lots of food for thought, as ever, including the realisation that even if everyone of my colleagues thinks I am a boring weirdo, (as I tend to view my attempts at small talk whilst sober very painful and awkward), that is not as important as continuing to take care of myself. They can like me, or not. I will be the same person either way. If I drink, I most likely won't like myself, and that is far more important.
I feel shored up - am going to show my face for an hour, stuff some free food in my face, then withdraw from proceedings.
Thanks you wonderful people x

teatreeoil007

They can like me, or not. I will be the same person either way. If I drink, I most likely won't like myself, and that is far more important.

Yes, yes, yes! Honestly? I really don't care what people think. I mean, I do-[I don't want to be total freakazoid]....but, I DON'T. When it comes right down to it, I gotta be me. And real me IS sober; NOT under the influence. If people don't like it, *shrug* oh well.

Dee74

Hi Sober Freckles

I've never been to a conference but since moving back to the city I've had more experience being around drinking and drinkers.

My advice is ..have fun with it.

You've made a great decision for yourself and I'm sure your life has improved immensely...so what other people do is immaterial, really.

It's not weird or boring to be a non drinker. Thats some classic alcoholic thought right there...

and if there's any lingering resentment? thats AV too...

resentment for what? you can have as much fun as anyone else there - maybe more

Fill your glass with whatever you like and mingle,. Ask people questions about themselves...that's a surefire way to get discussion going.

Network a little, find the interesting people in the room...and then when people are getting a little silly...leave.

I'm sure you're neither boring nor weird - let yourself go a little, relax, and you'll find that the essential you is still there

D

OscarDoes

Hi Sober Freckles, I recall so many of these conferences where open bar meant open mouth and insert foot. But, I also recall that many times before I went to the evening festivities, that I went to the hotel gym. I was always impressed to see other conference goers working out. Also, many of these folks that were working out, planned on bypassing the "open bar" and had plans to go to a local restaurant or sight see.

Dee74

btw, congrats on your sober time SF

D

Delilah1

Hello and Congrats in almost a year! I'm another that votes for sight seeing. That is one of the best parts of traveling sober.

Berrybean

This. Exactly.

I dont believe that 'witter, prettier, tittier' stuff my AV tries to feeds me any more. Sometimes acceptance is key. I have accepted that I'm not the outgoing life and soul or the party that I put myself I so much pain trying to keep up the pretence of being for so many years. And actually, I don't owe it to anyone to entertain them, or be funny or gregarious. Actually I suspect that I was probably a pain in the button gobshite more than entertaining half the time anyway. Besides, for every one person talking at that gig there needs to be at least one other person listening, probably more. I reckon once you accept an evening of listening, and stop putting yourself under pressure to perform then it'd be easier to get through. And you don't need to stay late. Once everyone else is drunk they won't notice if you slope off anyway. At work functions, when I get that horrible 'i'm all on my own and everyone has people to talk to' panic arrive, I try to force myself to have a proper look round, and spot others who may be feeling the same. I then go to them and ask them a question, maybe about themselves or what they think about something. Not politics or something heavy, maybe just the food, or a speaker at the conference, or what company they work for, or what their plans are for rather Easter hols. I also try to give myself some good exit plans, and I take my time with bathroom breaks, take time out to make a few calls etc. If i give myself permission to dip in and out then it's less stressful.

I reckon most bosses would prefer to have their employees not drinking alcoholically at any time, but esp when on-parade. And if we drink that is what is likely to happen.

Call your addictive voice out on its bull. You might not be able to shut it up, but that doesn't mean you have to give it more credibility than it deserves.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

2ndhandrose

Good stuff, Berrybean! Funny and true!

Lava256

Exactly what I was thinking. I'd be soooo relieved to not have been part of the morning after 'war stories' because with me, it would definitely have been super embarrassing.

bimbott

I'm glad my current job doesn't require me to attend conferences - the odd breakfast meeting maybe, but those do not usually involve an open bar.

My past experience at conferences seems to echo a lot of others. I would invariably be amongst the last to stop drinking and go to bed. At every conference, it always seemed to be me and a bunch of people in Sales. Are a greater percentage of Sales Persons alcoholic than the general population? Who knows...