Delizadee

Hey my friend,

I'm sorry for your struggles right now.
First of all, I want to agree with the others about the antabuse, that you should not be ashamed of that. I also was on antabuse after I left treatment because I knew I would be extremely vulnerable. And thank God I was- I experienced some very, very hard times immediately out of the gate and antabuse was what got me through before I could get back to my spiritual connection and meetings.

I can very much relate to the early sobriety and having some real life struggles. But you know what? It does get better. Just like bunny said, focus a lot on your recovery, and as sharon said grab hold of someone who has successful recovery and take care of you.
Just because we are sober things don't get better or get fixed overnight. Patience is not a strong point for us addicts! But live in each day, know that with consistent work on you will get stronger and start to rebuild your life with confidence from the ground up.
There are many of us who once felt utterly hopeless and have rebuilt a better life and more love for ourselves.
My life is far from perfect and there are a lot of days I struggle, with broken family problems, financial struggles, all kinds of things. But I have more peace and contentment with the freedom the all consuming chaos of drinking and the work I am putting into my recovery.
I know it will get better, for both of us. Hang in there. Stick with us.
One day you will look back and see how far you have come and be amazed. Remember to be grateful for where you are now and what you have now and for the strength to get as far as you have.
Keep on keeping on.

August252015

Agreed!!

IMO and IME, first of all, taking Antabuse is the opposite of cheating- it is putting one more tool in your bag to stay sober. I took it the first 90 days of my sobriety, along with other drugs including Campral (acamprosate) which is an anti-craving med. I may take that forever and that is a-ok with me - I have had zero cravings in 13 months so why wouldn't I continue to take something that probably helps that? Only because my alcoholic mind would tell me it's a "cop out" or undeserved help.

One thing that sobriety does NOT promise us is rainbows and unicorns and dreams coming true. Sh*t happens and I am so sorry about what you are dealing with; my ex-husband wanted me to stop drinking and while it was not at the crux of our problems, like you say there are usually multiple ones in a marriage that's gone awry- it sure didn't help it.

I do, however, feel that everything is better sober. 61 days is great and it keeps getting better- life, that is, as we learn to handle the good and the bad.

Staying sober sounds like the absolute best thing you can do in a terrible situation.

My best to you.

MrMcTell

Thanks Bunny. It means a lot that you (and everyone else!) took the time to post. I read your post the other day about how things get better and better if you can give it time and it was very meaningful for me. I have the greatest respect for all the people here with serious sober time.

You are right, of course: Right now, my only goal should be to rack up the 24s. I know what happens if you add alcohol to a crisis from bitter experience.... Right now I don't know what is going to happen with my wife but none of the best outcomes involve going back to drinking.

Thanks for your support.

MrMcTell

Thanks August.

Rationally, I know this to be true. (I wasn't being too rational last night!) I take a positive decision each day to take my medication. I don't really know why I was embarrassed about this. For me it has been a great fit. I was able to put together 2 or 3 days a week abstinence but never really more; Anatabuse has helped me to actually break out the immediate cycle and start to deal with my problem rationally.

Thanks for your support. It really has made a difference to see the achievements of others in recovery. Thank you, thank you, thank you.