Hallo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 4
Hallo
This is so hard to write, i am sitting in my office fighting back the tears. I can finally admit that I am an alcoholic.
I had a big drinking session on Monday evening and spent yesterday crying and sleeping and taking xanax. I am a 36 year old mom, I mostly drink on weekends but to the point that I black out. This is followed by major depression, self loathing and guilt.
I have taken the decision that I cannot live like this anymore. I am ashamed disappointed and everything in between. I actually feel suicidal. I am so scared of what lies ahead, how am I going to cope, how am I going to keep my own in social situations? Can I really never ever drink again? I just need someone to talk to, someone that understands what I am going through.
I dont want to live like this anymore, and I am glad that I have taken this decision, but the guilt and self loathing is eating me alive.
I had a big drinking session on Monday evening and spent yesterday crying and sleeping and taking xanax. I am a 36 year old mom, I mostly drink on weekends but to the point that I black out. This is followed by major depression, self loathing and guilt.
I have taken the decision that I cannot live like this anymore. I am ashamed disappointed and everything in between. I actually feel suicidal. I am so scared of what lies ahead, how am I going to cope, how am I going to keep my own in social situations? Can I really never ever drink again? I just need someone to talk to, someone that understands what I am going through.
I dont want to live like this anymore, and I am glad that I have taken this decision, but the guilt and self loathing is eating me alive.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Misty,
We understand.
In my experience.....It is addiction. Physical and mental. It is science, not magic.
Wanting to quit is half the batte. Then it is sober time and learning to live contently w out booze.
Drinking is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned.
The Xanax is out of my area. I know it is not good to drink w booze.
In my experience to stay sober one must fill the crave time w a mind filling activity.
If you have your health, fitness is a way to go.
I also tinker around the house, clean, watch tv, play games, read, etc etc.
My wife and son don't drink, he is only 13 anyway, so I copied them.
It worked.
The key for me is filling the sober time w reasonably pleasing activities.
Otherwise, the crave wears you down.
It took my many months to settle down. I craved daily, still do a bit. But, I know the outcome and remember the hell I went through to get clean.
For me it took about a month to get over the physical addiction. Then it took a good year to get the brain rewired to being sober. I am still dealing w brain damage at 23 months clean. At this point it is learning what normal feels like.
Stay clean, hydrate, eat clean. Hang in there.
Thanks.
We understand.
In my experience.....It is addiction. Physical and mental. It is science, not magic.
Wanting to quit is half the batte. Then it is sober time and learning to live contently w out booze.
Drinking is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned.
The Xanax is out of my area. I know it is not good to drink w booze.
In my experience to stay sober one must fill the crave time w a mind filling activity.
If you have your health, fitness is a way to go.
I also tinker around the house, clean, watch tv, play games, read, etc etc.
My wife and son don't drink, he is only 13 anyway, so I copied them.
It worked.
The key for me is filling the sober time w reasonably pleasing activities.
Otherwise, the crave wears you down.
It took my many months to settle down. I craved daily, still do a bit. But, I know the outcome and remember the hell I went through to get clean.
For me it took about a month to get over the physical addiction. Then it took a good year to get the brain rewired to being sober. I am still dealing w brain damage at 23 months clean. At this point it is learning what normal feels like.
Stay clean, hydrate, eat clean. Hang in there.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Fairfield County, CT
Posts: 110
You aren't alone! I'm a mom too and working professional and came to my breaking point last week. SR has been incredibly helpful and supportive. I'm literally taking one moment by one moment at this point and letting my body detox. I came clean to my husband and told him I can't drink anymore. You can do this! Took me years of trying to regulate my drinking to finally admit I just can't anymore. I'm trying to look towards the future as gaining the life I deserve rather than I can never drink again. It's gonna be tough but you will find so much support here.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome Misty!
Lots of support and information for you here. You never have to feel that way again if you don't want to.
I've found that life really can be good again without alcohol.
Lots of support and information for you here. You never have to feel that way again if you don't want to.
I've found that life really can be good again without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,746
misty- hello and thanks for your brave share. Perhaps see a doctor- be honest and get the ball rolling for better health. You are not alone- even tho you feel it. It is hell - a numb void of fear and all the other crap words. Keep posting. Lots of good advice here. Post when you do not want to- that is the best time to post. There is always someone about- especially if u post on a regular newcomer's thread. Post until your fingers bleed. Go to meetings. The thing is- as soon as the the drinking stops- so does the damage.
My compassion, empathy and support to you. PJ
btw - keep posting.
My compassion, empathy and support to you. PJ
btw - keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Welcome Misty, you've come to the right place. Most of us have experienced the same pertaining to booze. You'll always find support here any time of the day. Please keep coming back and posting it helps.
Good luck and many prayers
Good luck and many prayers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 4
Thanks to all, im feeling a tad better tonight. I am going away with colleagues tomorrow, we have a strstegic session at a game lodge and im dreading it. Im racking my brain to think of excuses not to drink tomorrow night, my boss is a big drinker. I wont drink, I just have to think of an excuses. This will be the first of many situations I will have to face I suppose. I never ever want to feel like this again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 425
No excuses - look your colleagues in the face and tell them that you don't want to drink. No explanations are necessary either. You should probably be seeing a doctor instead, but I understand how work commitments go. Seek out co-workers that are going that won't be drinking, and stay in touch on here if you can. Above all, PRAY....however you see fit.
God Bless and keep everyone posted. This forum has been a Godsend for me.
God Bless and keep everyone posted. This forum has been a Godsend for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Welcome aboard Misty80! Saying you won't ever drink again is admittedly scary. Just take it day by day. I won't drink today. It makes it a lot easier. If it adds up to never again, hooray!
And what PhoenixJ said. Before starting on quitting, see a Doctor. They may make the transition easier. Hope that helps!
And what PhoenixJ said. Before starting on quitting, see a Doctor. They may make the transition easier. Hope that helps!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 110
Hi Misty80...there are plenty of reasons you can give to others about not drinking if you feel you need to say something more than "no thanks". You can use medication as a reason or following a health plan trying to be more healthy...you will be so grateful if you get through this first hurdle I'm sure!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 425
Excellent idea, the glass of ginger ale or even cola. I would choose flavored seltzer with a wedge of lime....one thing I have learned in my drinking career is that usually as long as those that want to drink are getting theirs, they really don't care what others are drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
You will feel really proud if you manage to keep sober with work.
The morning after you will feel great.
No what did I say, what did I do going round and round in your head.
Don' think too far ahead.
Take it one day at a time.
Don't overload yourself with pressure either.
I had those feelings when I first stopped drinking.
Now I am 5 years without a drink.
I initially stopped for a month and 5 years on I have never gone back.
I am a single mum.
I work full time in an industry that can be very boozy.
I don't miss the shame, the self loathing, the hatred, the feeling weak.
I know I will never feel like that if never drink again and thats fine by me.
I wish you the best xx
The morning after you will feel great.
No what did I say, what did I do going round and round in your head.
Don' think too far ahead.
Take it one day at a time.
Don't overload yourself with pressure either.
I had those feelings when I first stopped drinking.
Now I am 5 years without a drink.
I initially stopped for a month and 5 years on I have never gone back.
I am a single mum.
I work full time in an industry that can be very boozy.
I don't miss the shame, the self loathing, the hatred, the feeling weak.
I know I will never feel like that if never drink again and thats fine by me.
I wish you the best xx
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,633
We're so glad you joined us, Misty.
I drank all my life. Even though it turned into a nightmare of dependency, I still was afraid life would never be fun without it. After a period of adjustment (where I felt sorry for myself & resented that I had to quit) I was overjoyed to be free of it. There is a great life ahead of you - it'll be so good to never have to feel that awful guilt again. (Maybe write down how you're feeling & some of the regrets you've had due to drinking. I wish I'd kept a journal.)
I drank all my life. Even though it turned into a nightmare of dependency, I still was afraid life would never be fun without it. After a period of adjustment (where I felt sorry for myself & resented that I had to quit) I was overjoyed to be free of it. There is a great life ahead of you - it'll be so good to never have to feel that awful guilt again. (Maybe write down how you're feeling & some of the regrets you've had due to drinking. I wish I'd kept a journal.)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Misty,
I am so glad you are here. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
I'm 29 years old and I've spent around the last decade blacked out on drugs (initially) then alcohol.
Despite how you currently feel, you are in a great place right now as this could be your jumping-off point to a new life.
You don't need to panic because you simply don't need to tackle your entire life in one go. One day at a time is too big for me, I go by one hour at a time.
What kind of support have you tried previously? Personally, as anti-social as I am, I find I fit in very well at AA meetings and they bring me great comfort. It's just trying what works for you until you find the right method.
I am so glad you are here. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
I'm 29 years old and I've spent around the last decade blacked out on drugs (initially) then alcohol.
Despite how you currently feel, you are in a great place right now as this could be your jumping-off point to a new life.
You don't need to panic because you simply don't need to tackle your entire life in one go. One day at a time is too big for me, I go by one hour at a time.
What kind of support have you tried previously? Personally, as anti-social as I am, I find I fit in very well at AA meetings and they bring me great comfort. It's just trying what works for you until you find the right method.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 4
Hi all. It is 5:10 am in South Africa, I am about to jump in the shower, pack and head off to work where we will be heading off to the session. I have previously seen a doctor about my drinking and still have a container of antabuse in the cupboard. I took a pill yesterday, i am determined not to drink. I will look into going to AA. My brother is a recovered alcoholic and the meetings helped him a lot. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support. It means the world to me and I feel so much less alone. I will check in tonight again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by Misty80 
Hi all. It is 5:10 am in South Africa, I am about to jump in the shower, pack and head off to work where we will be heading off to the session. I have previously seen a doctor about my drinking and still have a container of antabuse in the cupboard. I took a pill yesterday, i am determined not to drink. I will look into going to AA. My brother is a recovered alcoholic and the meetings helped him a lot. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support. It means the world to me and I feel so much less alone. I will check in tonight again.
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