vulturine

My mom told me on the way home from the court-appointed doctor's visit, she always thought I had a male brain. What is that supposed to mean? I'm not mild-mannered, but I was raised that way. I grew up on a farm, so like what I grew there wasn't a pair of balls, it was appreciation for work and a respect for nature. I respected my elders, but I let them know when I thought they should take a hike, cuz I had no fear. I loved my grandpa who was an abusive alcoholic, and I loved and respected him. I still stood up to him, which further developed our relationship. I looked up to him cuz he was a genius and always right. He really liked me, and I felt good knowing I held a place in his heart despite having the wrong anatomy for it. When he was dying of cancer, I held his hand and he cried. I miss him. He loved animals, we raised a raccoon together who did quite well for himself, along with many barn cats.

I thought getting married to another northern guy would be good for me, but he grew up in a totally different type of household. Feels weird being the abuser. I'm not saying what I did was justified, I just feel some people's ways of dealing with stuff is different. Didn't grow up in a family where problems were resolved immediately, we always just left our problems alone for a few days before addressing them. I talked to my husband about this, we agreed on a plan to help us both, so I feel betrayed in this manner. I'm going to have a criminal record now, for the same BS my grandpa did. I can't let it go, like I know doesn't matter how much therapy I go to, this will still be hanging over me.

I feel like the only woman out there with anger management problems. When I google domestic abuse females, a bunch of shelters comes up. Help? Being with my husband is the closest I've ever been to happiness. I miss him. I want to fix it if it's fixable.

Anna

Hi Vulturine,

I'm sorry you're not allowed to see your husband. Are you able to get some therapy or counselling to help you with these feelings? I'm sorry you are dealing with this and that you will have a criminal record.

vulturine

I don't know yet. I don't think it' okay for me to ever go home though. I'm so broken, I don't know if I can ever keep a job or fall in love again. I'll know more next lawyer's visit: If the court will give me a chance. I have no self-control and it's cost me jobs and so much more.

vulturine

I don't understand you people*. My husband saved me from myself. He literally breathed life into me when I tried to kill myself. So conflicted. Prison won't teach me anything.

*people who changed and managed your anger

Delizadee

Who is "you people" vulturine? (just asking because I'm unsure is all)

You are not the only woman with anger management problems.
How much support do you have for your different struggles?


You are a highly intelligent woman. I think, personally some of your addictive/mental health may be playing into this feeling of loss of control and anger. Are you still using?
You can learn to let it go. It takes time and work on your part. Have you thought about inpatient treatment? I learned a lot of grounding and calming techniques to help me deal with my anger, resentments and anxiety. Consistently working on those things has brought me to a much better place. I've learned practical coping skills, and while I am just really the start of a work in progress, I do feel MUCH differently after putting in 6 months of good hard work on my recovery than I did when I was still using and starting out on trying to get better. My life was a complete mess and I was very self-destructive not all that long ago.

Can you get some peer support from people who struggle in similar situations to yours?

Can I suggest you try out reading Codependent No More? I have learned A LOT about myself and my behaviours as well reading that book. I really recommend it. Because- your husband isn't in charge of your happiness, health, or sobriety- you are and only you. So you have to make the choice, start off with little steps of how and what you can do to help yourself.
And don't forget you're not alone here.
This doesn't have to be your life story and internal dialog anymore. You really can learn to change the plot line of your life and the love language you use on yourself if you really want to.
Hang in there. I know it's tough.

PhoenixJ

I can just offer support and empathy

Anna

Vulturine, I think it's motivation that enables people to change and manage their anger. You can do it, just like anyone else can. I think if you decide that the anger has cost you enough in your life, you will be ready to do what you need to change.