Scruffanie

We all have them, apparently it's a 'thing' when you're a grownup.

This weekend has been loaded for me and I've found it really stressful. Trying to balance the need to do with the should do and want to do. I needed to spend time with my Daughter and care for her, I needed to spend time with partner, I needed to do house work..I didn't do as mush as I should have. I needed to grocery shop but that turned into just grabbing what I needed for tonight because I also needed to work today doing overtime. I also went to two meetings and got a much wanted hair cut. But there are many things I just didn't get done

Writing this has helped me see that some of my needs were also my wants so there is a 'posting' positive already!

But jeez this 'adulting' business can get tough and I had the biggest craving just now (hence why I'm posting).

How can I let go of wanting to live my life perfectly? I know It's not possible but I still feel down when I don't succeed in being Super Women.

There is no risk of me drinking tonight but my anxiety is a bit high. Any tips on handling this sort of busyness would be gratefully received.

Grymt

I have my meditation tapes looping continuously in the background.

Any feelings are treated the same. Equanimous observation of their rising and passing away. They are always impermanent. Always pass. Some linger a while so they might seem solid but they are not. There are just a lot of them in the moment. As far as feeling cravings. If you do the right thing and want to do something else you generate cravings. want = cravings. Alternatively if you observe existing cravings equanimously they start to rise and pass away.

Dee74

I like to say I retired from being General Manger of the Universe.

I had to - trying to do everything for everyone, at the same time., was making me ill.

I learned to differentiate between the things that were genuinely my responsibility and the many many other things that weren't - even tho in the past Id said things like


I learned to let people take care of their own stuff.

Sure sometimes, I don't like the outcome when things are done their way, but I'm not sick anymore and I'm a lot more relaxed and at peace.

D

Maudcat

Dee's points are good. We really want everything to be done the way it should be. That is, the way WE would do it.
I think it is really hard for families to dial back so there is time to just breathe and live in the space. Parents are oversubscribed. Kids are oversubscribed. How do you carve out quiet, relaxing time?
I don't have answers. My child is grown, with children of his own. I will say that he and his wife have achieved a work-life balance that would be the envy of others. They seem to take a common sense approach that is grounded in economics. There is not a lot of money for the music lessons, gymnastics, etc. so they don't happen.
I must say the kids don't seem scarred by it.
Again, no answers. I think letting go of the perfect fami ly image, the perfect way to load the dishwasher, the only way to do laundry, is key.
Peace and good luck.

resolute50

Change you" have to do" list.
To a " want to do list".
And at a pace that you are comfortable with.

Anna

I find that keeping lists and crossing things off the list throughout the day, works well for me. It reminds me that, yes, I am getting things accomplished and it helps me to prioritize things as well.

2ndhandrose

I suffer from "perfectionism"

It is a constant effort to remind myself that I am not the boss of the world (or the General Manager, as Dee said!).

The things I often think are critical to get done, are not even noticed by anyone, not at work, not at home.

Darn these "ism's"

No help from me, but lots of empathy

BrendaChenowyth

I used to think "responsibility" was synonymous with "having no fun".
It's just responding to and taking care of your own needs.
Need: bills must be paid. Response: I pay them before they're due.
And then I don't have to worry about them any more, they're done.
There's things that can't be avoided, but instead of thinking of them like they're optional and a nuisance, we stop questioning it, just do what needs to be done, and then we get to do whatever we want. THAT'S the beauty of adulthood.
Taking responsibility means getting things done. Things being done means FREE TIME that we get to spend doing ANYTHING we want.
That doesn't suck.

Scruffanie

Thanks everyone. I'm realising at the moment I don't cope too well when I have a lot on. I try not to overload myself but this weekend I just had a lot on. When I get a few moments to reflect I will go over what worked, what didn't work and what I can do to improve my coping strategies. This kind of busy was one of my drinking triggers so I'm glad I was able to get through it without drinking.

Definitely going to do lists Anna, thats a great idea.

DG0409

It's really hard for me not to feel like I don't get enough done each day. I try to keep in mind that it's easy to over-estimate how much we can actually fit in a day.

Some things feel like they NEED done, like cleaning the house, but nobody will die if it doesn't happen today.

To-do lists are helpful, but you have to keep in mind that you might not have time to get to everything on it in a day. Try to appreciate it if you get 2 to 4 things done in a day and remember there's always tomorrow. Or limit your list for the day to the three most important things.

And if you're really stressed, simplify wherever you can - order pizza for dinner or whatever you can to make things easier on yourself.

Oh, and staying sober is number 1. If that's all you do for the day, it's a win.

Especially early in recovery, you have to cut yourself a little slack sometimes.

PhoenixJ

I tried to spin the perfect life. It was never enough. Set realistic goals. Put a to do list up- a running sheet. I use my bathroom mirror as a white board for stuff to do. I also use a dairy. I try to plan between needs/wants AND expectations.

Angie247

I'm working on this issue right now. Making a list has been very helpful for me. Journaling has helped too.

August252015

I understand this completely. I know that- still, at 385 days sober- when I have a day or several that are a lot on, as you say, it can take a toll. Less of one as my sobriety goes but sometimes it is just a whammy. I have to take a break- a nap, a night in, declining a shift at work that I could pick up (sure would help money, right?!) and so on. Fortunately, I have a boyfriend (soon fiance) who understands and works with me.

Sometimes, I just have enough time for a meeting, or to make myself sit with coffee. Lists help me too and sometimes I just take a few minutes to scroll through pinterest or such for inspirational quotes and the like- we keep icloud albums with different "subject headings" so I go through those too. The "Recovery" and "In God We Trust" are awesome- so is "Server Life" (I work in a restaurant so I need the humor!) when I need some laughs.

Hang in there and most importantly, keep going. Sometimes just breaking it down into the very next choice, then the next, is all I can do.